Opposites do attract, but then they find that they're so different they can't see eye-to-eye on many things. I think marrying someone similar is a better bet. Perhaps a phlegmatic sanguine is better? That is, if you don't like the labeling, someone who is quiet, laid back, and gentle, but with a fun-loving, people-loving streak as well. You could meet in the middle, so to speak and have the sanguine in common. Just a thought.
I couldn't help but laugh...according to the personality test, I'm a melancholic-phlegmatic. (It might explain why I sometimes blush.)
I have to agree that the test is subjective, because not all of the answer options are on target. There were times, with no perfect answer available, one had to make a best guess. Also, technically speaking, it's not a "personality" test but a "temperament" test. Personality is how we present ourselves to the world. Temperament is defined by our interior reactions to outside events and by the duration of those inner reactions.
When it comes to similarities, I believe it really comes down to sharing the same moral values and actually "living" them.
Hi Theodoric, you have a point. Superficial opposties do not mean there is not an underlying similiarity. My uncle, David is outgoing, extroverted, musician. He'll talk your ear off, drive 30 miles in a snow storm to rescue you from a stranded car and he has never met a stranger. His wife, my Aunt Irene seems different, she is quiet, laid back, friendly but resevered.
He can come across as overbearing because he is so enthusiastic but if you pay attention all his energy is directed toward positive outcomes for the people around him. She can come across as a milquetoast to strangers since quite often her focus is on my Uncle but she has a quiet strength and is really an oasis of calm and stability.
While they come across as very different they have an underlying loyalty and dedication as a couple and they share a generous spirit toward others. So they are really similar at heart and their surface differences actually mesh well together.
You're probably right, phlegmatic-sanguine ::P I know that for me it's not the Sanguine that gives me problems, but the Choleric... I was stuck by that section of Ven. Sheen's book, though... But he speaks largely of the phyical and then the spiritual. The psycological enters less into his reasoning. THe more I think about it, the more it seems the red choleric is the problematic atribulte...
That was a very academic response! :P Is our personality not a reflection of our temperment? I'd imagine that some people put up a front, but most, at least in the 'security' of a relationship, must manifest their temperment??
I agree with you about sharing our moral values and living them, at least for me, most daily issues arise from issue that are less than morally laiden. Which movie to watch, where to go, what's the best radio station to listen to... ideally, I suppose, both would submit. But then no one makes a decision! VERY subjective here, but for me I usually prefer if my partner says "You listen to your favourite station!" To that "ll lmost invariably put on hers. But if she insists on her favourite station I feel... marginalized??? I want to be able to choose to make her my priority, not feel as if my hand is forced.
Maybe I need CatholicCounsellors.com and not CatholicMatch? :)
You're probably right, phlegmatic-sanguine P I know that for me it's not the Sanguine that gives me problems, but the Choleric... I was stuck by that section of Ven. Sheen's book, though... But he speaks largely of the phyical and then the spiritual. The psycological enters less into his reasoning. THe more I think about it, the more it seems the red choleric is the problematic atribulte...
Haha, yeah, (if that response was aimed at me) I'm a phelgmatic sanguine, though that is a new test result for me. I would think, just from personal experience, that the choleric might be the problem as well. I know some great cholerics, but they don't necessarily get along well with other cholerics or other strong personalities in general. Just do whatever works for you!
Did I sound academic? It might be because I'm either in learning or teaching mode.
This may be of help (I'm getting it from a book, btw):
--Temperament is the basic disposition of the soul. It's the raw material with which we're born.
--Will is the faculty of choice.
--Character is the natural temperament completely shaped by the will. (Habit plays its part in character, but habit is influence by the will.)
--Personality is the manifestation of temperament and character.
--Grace is a supernatural gift of God bestowed on us through the merits of Jesus Christ for our salvation. There are two kinds of grace: sanctifying and actual.
"Although our original temperament is thus given to us independently of our will, we ourselves play an important part in the moulding of our character, and we thus become responsible for certain ethical qualities in it." In other words, we decide how we will act or not act, behave or not behave, because we have free will.
And, as St. Thomas Aquinas taught, "Grace perfects nature." Whether or not we use God's graces well is our own free-will decision. (Aye, there's the rub!)
I'm rather sanguine myself - fun and spontaneous, silly even. I also have a touch of choleric. It's an occupational hazard. Despite my outwardly forward traits, my father told me that I should seek a woman that is gentle and soft. He felt that I would respond well to her expressions of emotions her softness with fuel my romantic inclinations. He once told me that I should seek a girl that blushes.
Largely ignoring his advice, I've dated a number of girls that are the opposite: fun and fiery. It hasn't worked particularily well. I don'tr respond well to continuous challenges or anger from the people I am with, and have often felt disrespected. The problem is, I can't seem to find someone gentle even when I try! I do believe it is important to be attracted to a person physically, at least initially, and almost every profile I look at is someone who is a Choleric-Sanguine mix!
I think that in the struggle for their faith, most Catholic women have been forced to build a fortress around them. They are strong, which is good, but they are often also aggressive. Maybe that's fine for beating away unwanted attention, but I often find it emasculating and disrespecful. I'm sure all the Cholerics will tell me I'm the problem, or that they're not telling me I'm the problem but pointing out that I sould recognise in myself that I'm the problem ;) I'm romantic and kind, but I can't find a woman with gentleness and holiness whom I'm attracted to.
I'm sure I may receive some heat for posting this, but other opinions are appreciated!
I am a melancholic and phlegmatic mix and I've seen a lot of temperaments similar to mine; maybe it's related to age. Personally I think that I am more comfortable communicating with someone of the same temperament since it seems like we should have similar personalities.
If I ever meet anyone on this site maybe my judgements about temperament may be more accurate?