Faith Focused Dating. Create your Free Profile and meet your Match!

A place to learn, mingle, and share

This room is for those who have lost a spouse and need support or who can provide support to those who have.

Saint Paula is the patron saint of widows and Saint Stephen is the patron saint of deacons
Learn More: Saint Stephen and Saint Paula

Mar 18th 2013 new

(Quote) Marita-847688 said: I'm praying for a spouse, but also for God's will. I am working on trying to be okay by ...
(Quote) Marita-847688 said:

I'm praying for a spouse, but also for God's will. I am working on trying to be okay by myself. How do you know the difference between being okay by yourself and then getting married versus not wanting to get married?

--hide--


And it just now occured to me that this is the Widow and Widowers forum.

Mar 18th 2013 new

It doesn't matter.

Mar 19th 2013 new

(Quote) Judie-947029 said: The eleven month mark is coming up. Kudos to you!! It took me over a year to get to...
(Quote) Judie-947029 said:

The eleven month mark is coming up.

Kudos to you!!

It took me over a year to get to the point of not having "teary eyed" breakdowns. Since I had 2 kids at home, I always had my beakdowns in in private. I always managed to keep the smile on my face even though the insides were shaking. I can remember taking my kids on a cruise in the first year after my husband's death, we were scattered all over the ship and I was sitting at a lounge where the man at the bar was playing "Hey Jude". (Jude=Judie, husbands favorite Beatles) I LOST IT - I tried to keep cool, no I just ran out. After about a hour, I returned to the lounge and then the singer was singing to me that old Charlie Rich song "Hey, did you happen to see the most beautiful girl in the world, and if you did was she crying" Talk about wanting to crawl into a hole...I thought I was all that, taking my kids on a cruise all by myself and telling myself I can do this...oh well. Last summer I took my son to Chicago for a family wedding, yes we got lost going to the car rental place and I didn't break down once taking my son to the places where my husband and me use to go.

Don't rush things, it took me over 4 years to get the courage to actually get the nerve to even consider a site like this, let enough talk to some of these handsome men here.

--hide--

Oh, I'm still having the teary eyed breakdowns believe me. They are a little less frequent than they were but still just as raw and drawn out when they happen. Music is a huge trigger for me as well and for weeks and weeks I wouldn't even turn on a radio. That is easing. I'm here and think I am open to meeting and getting to know someone, but am still most comfortable with the other women here :-). Thank you!

Mar 19th 2013 new

(Quote) Pauline-931463 said: HI Lauren You describe the grieving process so well. It does get better but...
(Quote) Pauline-931463 said:


HI Lauren

You describe the grieving process so well. It does get better but it is true - we were one and we are amputated or torn apart when one dies. Yet wounds heal and we heal. You are amazing to achieve so much in such a short time. I too have made my home my own sanctuary - my space. When we are married we change, and when our partner dies, we change again. Each phase is a growing phase. I too have learnt to stand up for myself. And yes we have a lot of love to give.

God Bless you Lauren


--hide--

Thank you Pauline. It has been such a blessing to me to find others who understand this loss and share their experiences. I'm the first in my social group, although there are older women in the parish and my major professor in archaeology lost her husband the first year I went into the field with her, it was very sudden a brain tumor that came and took him in a matter of weeks. She's been a huge help. It's all so hard and painful and confusing. Feel very adrift, untethered I suppose. God Bless you as well and thank you.

Mar 19th 2013 new

It is strange, but I have never been angry over Phil's assassination. It might be different if the assassin had lived, but I questioned my own worth. I wondered why him and why not me. I was so content to live in his shadow. I am naturally reticent and a homebody, but I have talked numerous times on tv (FOX, CNN, etc) and I have written a book. Who knew? Not even me. I forced myself to move--Germany and now the east coast. I bought a house and I am working on being brave socially. I have chosen pink polka dots of happiness because to do so is to embrace the life I have been given and it is my way of showing the world that the assassin cannot have me too.

I would rather be married, but I would choose to be single and lonely over being married to the wrong person. I will work on me and wait on God. Lastly, I have discovered that at my age I am not interested in changing, nor do I want someone to change for me. I kind of like this perspective. :)



Mar 19th 2013 new

(Quote) Linda-756196 said: It is strange, but I have never been angry over Phil's assassination...I would rather be married, b...
(Quote) Linda-756196 said: It is strange, but I have never been angry over Phil's assassination...I would rather be married, but I would choose to be single and lonely over being married to the wrong person. I will work on me and wait on God. Lastly, I have discovered that at my age I am not interested in changing, nor do I want someone to change for me. I kind of like this perspective. :)
--hide--



I am not so sure that I could be as forgiving as you about the assassination. I have a hard time putting my head around it, so there is no way that I can relate to it on your level of experience. But I do understand how negatively living with anger on a daily basis impacts our spirits and health. Your last sentence (repeated here) expresses precisely how I feel about my life right now.

How fortunate are you, Linda, that God has taken a terrible experience and allowed you to become an instrument of his love and peace. Bless you, dear sister.

Mar 19th 2013 new

(Quote) Lauren-927923 said: Oh, I'm still having the teary eyed breakdowns believe me. They are a little less frequent
(Quote) Lauren-927923 said: Oh, I'm still having the teary eyed breakdowns believe me. They are a little less frequent
--hide--



Lauren, I have this suspicion that there will be times throughout our entire lifetimes when we will have the teary eyed breakdown. I cried all of Christmas day. It is allowed. Hugs dear lady, lots of hugs.

Mar 19th 2013 new

(Quote) Beverly-936499 said: I am not so sure that I could be as forgiving as you about the assassination. I hav...
(Quote) Beverly-936499 said:




I am not so sure that I could be as forgiving as you about the assassination. I have a hard time putting my head around it, so there is no way that I can relate to it on your level of experience. But I do understand how negatively living with anger on a daily basis impacts our spirits and health. Your last sentence (repeated here) expresses precisely how I feel about my life right now.

How fortunate are you, Linda, that God has taken a terrible experience and allowed you to become an instrument of his love and peace. Bless you, dear sister.

--hide--


God's grace. Truly. It is more than words, but I do not even think about the vile monster. He is dead or maybe things would be different, but God's mercies and blessings have rained down.

Mar 19th 2013 new

(Quote) Marita-847688 said:...people say that you have to be okay being single before God will give you a husband.
(Quote) Marita-847688 said:...people say that you have to be okay being single before God will give you a husband.
--hide--
I'm one of those who say that.

It is unfair to a new partner to enter a relationship without knowing and accepting who you are as an individual. You may not enter as "Tom's widow" -- you must enter as "Marge".

The healing that comes through the grieving process is in figuring out who you are now that you are not part of a team. This takes time.

All of us carry some kind of baggage -- furniture, scrap books, kids, memories. But you have to be free to relinquish them before you are free to embrace someone else. Otherwise, the new partner is getting only part of you, and that is a cheat.

Mar 19th 2013 new

clap clap clap

Thanks for sharing. It took me 7 years. And there are still days... rolling eyes

Posts 51 - 60 of 71