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This room is for those who have lost a spouse and need support or who can provide support to those who have.

Saint Paula is the patron saint of widows and Saint Stephen is the patron saint of deacons
Learn More: Saint Stephen and Saint Paula

Mar 22nd 2013 new

It's funny how when I was single, before I married my husband, it didn't bother me. Now I hate it. I come home to an empty quiet house and leave an empty quiet house. Sometimes I leave a radio on so when I get home there's some noise. And I always have either music going or the T.V.
My animals died one by one before and after my husband died, so now it is just me. I still have my days or nights or moments, but I have had to move on just to get out of the house. Although some days I don't want to leave at all. I am anxious about going out and then once I am out I am ok. Then when I know I have to go home again, I start to palpitate! I work alot so that is ok, but to socialize is another thing. Sometimes even going to church is hard to be around crowds of people. If someone doesn't hear from me in a couple of days I get the phone calls. I am so blessed to have people who care, but it has never been the same. I feel as if I am open for the world to see. I have spoken to numerous women who say it took them four years before they were "normal" again! I don't have four years! Thanks for reading. And thanks everyone for the support I have gotten here.

Still don't know what God has planned for me, but in His time. Praying hug Dove

Mar 22nd 2013 new

(Quote) Jane-933948 said: It's funny how when I was single, before I married my husband, it didn't bother me. Now I hate i...
(Quote) Jane-933948 said: It's funny how when I was single, before I married my husband, it didn't bother me. Now I hate it. I come home to an empty quiet house and leave an empty quiet house. Sometimes I leave a radio on so when I get home there's some noise. And I always have either music going or the T.V.
My animals died one by one before and after my husband died, so now it is just me. I still have my days or nights or moments, but I have had to move on just to get out of the house. Although some days I don't want to leave at all. I am anxious about going out and then once I am out I am ok. Then when I know I have to go home again, I start to palpitate! I work alot so that is ok, but to socialize is another thing. Sometimes even going to church is hard to be around crowds of people. If someone doesn't hear from me in a couple of days I get the phone calls. I am so blessed to have people who care, but it has never been the same. I feel as if I am open for the world to see. I have spoken to numerous women who say it took them four years before they were "normal" again! I don't have four years! Thanks for reading. And thanks everyone for the support I have gotten here.

Still don't know what God has planned for me, but in His time.
--hide--



Sweetie, it does take a long time, and I think most of us have experienced what you are now - some days we all still do. Neither I nor anyone else can tell you what your timeline will be. You can't measure it by comparing it to anyone else. What you feel is what you feel. Hey, I still sleep on my couch rather than in the bedroom. Don't like it there. My house has become one rather large office. I wish I had some profound words for you, but nothing I can say right now would mean very much. I'd like to hug you. Do you have a girlfriend or family member who would be willing just to let you talk without trying to give you a lot of advice. Just kind of let you have a running stream of consciousness?

Mar 23rd 2013 new

(Quote) Jane-933948 said: I have spoken to numerous women who say it took them four years before they were "normal&quo...
(Quote) Jane-933948 said:

I have spoken to numerous women who say it took them four years before they were "normal" again! I don't have four years!

--hide--
Unfortunately, it is what it is. I suppose that if I told you that the uncomfortable quietness will disapate and that this is all part of the walk we have to go through for the grieving process. Four years is not a long time when most of us have been married 5 times longer than that. (for some of us, that's most of our lives).

God is good, He does look out for us and we know that He has a plan for our good, everything in His perfect timing, not ours.

Hindsight is 20/20, and I understand that when I do what I'm suppose to do, the blessings and graces flow. (but the thing is, I don't always do what I'm suppose to do)

I was also told, "fake it to you make it". Sometimes we walk through things, sometimes we are carried.

Mar 23rd 2013 new

(Quote) Beverly-936499 said: Sweetie, it does take a long time, and I think most of us have experienced what you...
(Quote) Beverly-936499 said:




Sweetie, it does take a long time, and I think most of us have experienced what you are now - some days we all still do. Neither I nor anyone else can tell you what your timeline will be. You can't measure it by comparing it to anyone else. What you feel is what you feel. Hey, I still sleep on my couch rather than in the bedroom. Don't like it there. My house has become one rather large office. I wish I had some profound words for you, but nothing I can say right now would mean very much. I'd like to hug you. Do you have a girlfriend or family member who would be willing just to let you talk without trying to give you a lot of advice. Just kind of let you have a running stream of consciousness?

--hide--
Thanks Beverly! You are so sweet! I know you are right, i have told some people that myself in their grief. I do have a girlfriend I talk to, but it is hard if you have never been throught it I suppose. Although we all have our losses. I know it is just time i need, I am ready to keep moving on, it's just not what I expected. It never could be for any of us. I suppose I will always have a sting there no matter what. I know some days will be ok and other will be harder, just muddling through day by day. Praying for all of you and here's a great big hug! Praying hug theheart

Mar 23rd 2013 new

(Quote) Judie-947029 said: Unfortunately, it is what it is. I suppose that if I told you that the uncomfortable quietness wi...
(Quote) Judie-947029 said:

Unfortunately, it is what it is. I suppose that if I told you that the uncomfortable quietness will disapate and that this is all part of the walk we have to go through for the grieving process. Four years is not a long time when most of us have been married 5 times longer than that. (for some of us, that's most of our lives).

God is good, He does look out for us and we know that He has a plan for our good, everything in His perfect timing, not ours.

Hindsight is 20/20, and I understand that when I do what I'm suppose to do, the blessings and graces flow. (but the thing is, I don't always do what I'm suppose to do)

I was also told, "fake it to you make it". Sometimes we walk through things, sometimes we are carried.

--hide--
Thanks Judie! How right you are and informing. Yes I seem to fake it till I make it everyday, it is the only way. I ask Jesus to walk with me and St. Dymphna to carry me through and so far they've blessed me so. Thank God I live in a time when I can "turn on" some noise to keep me distracted. And yes four years goes by fast, but I still feel as if I am 25! Seems like just yesterday. We were laughing and running around and now not so much. I will keep plugging along as such. Waiting for His plan. Praying hug wave theheart

Mar 23rd 2013 new

(Quote) Jane-933948 said: Thanks Judie! How right you are and informing. Yes I seem to fake it till I make it everyday, it is the ...
(Quote) Jane-933948 said: Thanks Judie! How right you are and informing. Yes I seem to fake it till I make it everyday, it is the only way. I ask Jesus to walk with me and St. Dymphna to carry me through and so far they've blessed me so. Thank God I live in a time when I can "turn on" some noise to keep me distracted. And yes four years goes by fast, but I still feel as if I am 25! Seems like just yesterday. We were laughing and running around and now not so much. I will keep plugging along as such. Waiting for His plan.
--hide--



Good advice for Jane. Would be nice if we were all closer in physical proximity rather than cyberspace. I am thinking about you and praying for you. I know what it was like to be your age and widowed. I remember it well. You are cared for here, and your trials are ours too. Keep on talking to the one whose hand you cannot let go of. He will see you through this. Hugs right back dear one.

Mar 23rd 2013 new

(Quote) Beverly-936499 said: I know what it was like to be your age and widowed.
(Quote) Beverly-936499 said:




I know what it was like to be your age and widowed.

--hide--

I live in Florida and at this time of year we have all the retirees (aka snowbirds) in town. This is the time of year where I feel truly "middle-aged". It's comical to me to see the older gentlemen as old as my father driving their sporty convertibles with their bald spots shining in the sun.

So you probably have the same problem I been having, too old or too young for most of the available men in your proximity.

Mar 24th 2013 new

(Quote) Judie-947029 said: So you probably have the same problem I been having, too old or too young for most of the available men...
(Quote) Judie-947029 said: So you probably have the same problem I been having, too old or too young for most of the available men in your proximity.
--hide--



laughing laughing laughing First, there would have to be men in this proximity!!! No - seriously, where I live right now there are young bikers and old bikers, so a gal can be a young biker chick or an old biker chick! If I cared to date protestants I could be dated up most nights. And I know some really fine protestant men, but they are too old for me. I'm not dissing that they are protestants, it just feels rather late in my life to include that as an issue in a marriage along with age. And, I buried two husbands in a ten year time span. I kind of need a break from that aspect of life. For the past three years I just didn't have the emotional capability of dealing with a relationship with anyone. Now, I look around and realize that it may not be in the cards for me again. I don't feel sorry for myself about that. If it does it will be like icing on the cake. A precious, gracious gift. If it doesn't then I have my health, I am able to work, I still have a youthful outlook, I still see the joy in the day. Those too are precious, gracious gifts. It's all good.


P.S. Send some pics of the men in the sport cars - they may be too old for you, but maybe not for me! mischievous shhh

Mar 24th 2013 new

Beverly--You and Judie are cracking me up! We should get together sometime! I am sorry to both of you about your loss. And Beverly--two--! Wow i am so sorry. Even your picture says how positive you are---you go girl!!! wave Praying hug

Mar 24th 2013 new

(Quote) Marita-847688 said: I'm praying for a spouse, but also for God's will. I am working on trying to be okay by ...
(Quote) Marita-847688 said:

I'm praying for a spouse, but also for God's will. I am working on trying to be okay by myself. How do you know the difference between being okay by yourself and then getting married versus not wanting to get married?

--hide--
A good question -- one that is frequently asked. My thought is that if you have difficulties living with yourself, how well will you do living with another person? We all strive for fulfillment -- that is available to us in both the single and married vocations. Ideally you feel good about yourself in your single state; your self-esteem level is high; you're comfortable "in your own skin" as they say.

It's also good to ask the Good Lord, "Am I doing the right thing? What is Your will?" It will be made known to you.

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