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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

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I have seen a lot of profiles on this site where an individual says they are looking for a partner who is "successful" or "ambitious." Now, these are fairly broad terms that can mean any number of things to any number of people. So, I am curious, what do you personally define as being successful or ambitious?

Does a potential partner have to be a doctor, lawyer, CEO, or some other highly paid profession for you to consider them successful? Do they have to be rich? Are they considered ambitious if they are aspiring to achieve one of those positions? What about a person who works at, for example, a restaurant as a waiter or waitress who plans on working his/her way up to a managerial position? Does that constitute ambition? And, say, this person does achieve that management position, does this make them successful?

How important is it to you that a potential match fit your definition of either of these two concepts for you to be willing to pursue a relationship with that person?

Mar 8th 2013 new

In girl speak, "ambitious" means wants to work; wants to have a job; wants to provide for a wife and family. Not an impractical day dreamer who thinks that they don't have to earn a pay check/make some money.

"Successful" means has had some success working and earning a living which could support a family. Not someone who gets fired from every job for being late, or insubordinate....

No, they don't have to be a Dr., lawyer or CEO to meet those definitions.

For a woman like me, I look for someone whose work style would be a good match for mine.

Some who work the night shift would not be a good match to me, for lots of reasons.

But they don't have to be in one of the professions per se.

Someone is a success if they have a great spouse and family, and are happy. That is real success, not money.

Mar 8th 2013 new

I agree with Pat. For me, ambition is that the potential gentleman has an idea of where he's going with his life, usually career, family, etc. Maybe on a timeline, maybe not. Basically, he knows where he wants to be, has a plan for getting there, and is taking the steps to carry out his plan. And for me, success is that either he has an established career, or he has been making meaningful progress on his plan to get to a stable career. No, a man doesn't have to be making six figures to be successful; it would be nice if he made enough so any wife wouldn't have to work in order to have enough to support the family, but that's my old-fashioned sentiment kicking in...

All sorts of jobs are needed to "make the world go round." I don't particularly care what a potential gentleman does for a living; that's his call, and if he's happy with what he's doing, awesome! For me, I have to discern whether the man makes enough to support a wife and family on just his income, or if his potential wife would need to work to get by, and then decide whether I'm comfortable with whatever arrangement would be necessary. If, as in your example, a server plans on moving into management, I'd call that ambition since it's a goal; success is meeting that goal.

For me, I like it when a match can meet or exceed my expectations. No one is perfect, so I don't expect it; that's where communication comes in - to see if the mindset is there. I grew up very success-driven, so I don't think it's any surprise that I personally would look for a man that is also successful, but like I said, success comes in varying forms.

Mar 8th 2013 new

I honestly think its what kind of person that the other is.

If you say, "I want to live in a big house with a ton of kids and homeschool" but you also list that you are an "apiring writer" and KISS look alike who lives in his mothers basment, that's not going to cut it. You don't have to be a lawyer or dr, or a professor or buisness man or CFO. Just realisitc.


If you say, "I'm looking for a woman to grow and raise a family with" and you are a garbage man, then the woman will know she probably won't be a stay at home mom, but that you're realisitc. Perhaps the couple will work it out. Not a guarentee.

I think that quite a few of us have either been personally shafted or had to sort through many profiles that a man contradicts himself. I'm sure men do the same.


I want a guy who will work with me together and build our dreams. I will not support a guy who is not realistic, that includes all things band, writer, etc. basically anything in the arts. If a guy who's working full time said to me, "I want to write a book so I'll need you to sacrafice when we have kids and watch them for an extra hour after I get home so I have some time to do that." That guy, I'd say yes to.

I have friends who went into a relationship. She was very ambitious and she said she'd like to have kids but loved her work. He was great with that beucase he always wanted to be a stay-at-home dad. They've been married for 2 years...no kids yet, but both are working full time in their careers until that happens. ambition

Mar 8th 2013 new

I've always considered the term "ambitious" to mean someone wants to seek a position above their current one, or they want a better job. ie. instead of being the burger flipper at McD's you want to be the regional manager.

Successful, I think is a more relative term, and generally in this day and age it tends to lend itself towards finanical evidence. I consider successful more personally defined, a person decides they want a degree from university, they obtain it and therefore they are successful; even if their student loan is massive and they live in a shanty.

I find both terms problematic so I don't give them much consideration.

A man with a work ethic, that should go without saying in a Catholic world view. I don't care if a man is a garbage collector who gets maggots in his hair, a struggling student or a brain surgeon, as long as he's not slothing about on the couch watching reruns of Riki Lake and getting fat on cheap microwave popcorn.

Mar 8th 2013 new

(Quote) Naomi-698107 said: I've always considered the term "ambitious" to mean someone wants to seek a positio...
(Quote) Naomi-698107 said:

I've always considered the term "ambitious" to mean someone wants to seek a position above their current one, or they want a better job. ie. instead of being the burger flipper at McD's you want to be the regional manager.

Successful, I think is a more relative term, and generally in this day and age it tends to lend itself towards finanical evidence. I consider successful more personally defined, a person decides they want a degree from university, they obtain it and therefore they are successful; even if their student loan is massive and they live in a shanty.

I find both terms problematic so I don't give them much consideration.

A man with a work ethic, that should go without saying in a Catholic world view. I don't care if a man is a garbage collector who gets maggots in his hair, a struggling student or a brain surgeon, as long as he's not slothing about on the couch watching reruns of Riki Lake and getting fat on cheap microwave popcorn.

--hide--


Naomi, "you the bomb"! Once again, you hit the nail on the head with your reply. As you pointed out, both terms are problematic (they are too subjective). A spouse with a similar "work ethic" would be a better match, whether the spouse is a blue collar or white collar worker is irrelevant.

Mar 8th 2013 new

(Quote) Will-836097 said: I have seen a lot of profiles on this site where an individual says they are looking for a partner...
(Quote) Will-836097 said:

I have seen a lot of profiles on this site where an individual says they are looking for a partner who is "successful" or "ambitious." Now, these are fairly broad terms that can mean any number of things to any number of people. So, I am curious, what do you personally define as being successful or ambitious?

Does a potential partner have to be a doctor, lawyer, CEO, or some other highly paid profession for you to consider them successful? Do they have to be rich? Are they considered ambitious if they are aspiring to achieve one of those positions? What about a person who works at, for example, a restaurant as a waiter or waitress who plans on working his/her way up to a managerial position? Does that constitute ambition? And, say, this person does achieve that management position, does this make them successful?

How important is it to you that a potential match fit your definition of either of these two concepts for you to be willing to pursue a relationship with that person?

--hide--

Well, Will, you hit the nail on the head in that it can mean different things to different people. Highly paid does not necessarily mean successful. I know people that makes lots of money but would not consider them morally successful. Generally in "woman speak" for the average woman, "successful" and "ambitious" means someone committed to a steady and hopefully growing financial contribution to the partnership. For some women that might truly mean "he needs to make a lot of money to take care of me". You really have to get to know the person to figure out what's truly meant. In my mind, your example of someone working hard to move up to a manager position at a restaurant (if that makes them happy) would be ambitious. But that doesn't necessarily mean they are successful it if truly does not make them happy. I'd rather have a happy waiter than a miserable manager as a partner.


I personally don't want to be in a position where I have to consistently financially provide for my partner. Occasionally when a bad patch is hit...no problem. For years on end...can't do it. Taking years to "find yourself" as far as a career can put much strain on relationships. However, your chosen career, unless it's morally bankrupting (ie. managing an "adult magazine" store, etc.) should never be looked down upon by a potential partner. I work a "desk job" and make a good salary. I was dating a guy that made less money than me whose chosen career was a commercial exterminator. He loved his job and it obviously made him happy. The only reason it really didn't work out for us was that he worked nights and weekends. I work during the day. It was hard to find time to spend together when he started his day at 8 pm while I was finishing my work day at 8 pm. My "Love Language" is Quality Time, so essentially the scheduling conflicts kept us from persuing a successful relationship. I actually learned lots from my time with him....mostly that restaurants are not as clean as they should be.... eyepopping faint wide eyed boggled



Mar 8th 2013 new
Will,
Your questions reminds me of this passage from the bible (see below)
1 CORINTHIANS, Chapter 12 USCCB > Bible www.usccb.org


One Body, Many Parts.

(12) As a body is one though it has many parts, and all the parts of the body, though many, are one body, so also Christ. (13) For in one Spirit we were all baptized into one body, whether Jews or Greeks, slaves or free persons, and we were all given to drink of one Spirit. (14) Now the body is not a single part, but many. (15) If a foot should say, “Because I am not a hand I do not belong to the body,” it does not for this reason belong any less to the body. (16) Or if an ear should say, “Because I am not an eye I do not belong to the body,” it does not for this reason belong any less to the body. (17) If the whole body were an eye, where would the hearing be? If the whole body were hearing, where would the sense of smell be? (18) But as it is, God placed the parts, each one of them, in the body as he intended. (19) If they were all one part, where would the body be? (20) But as it is, there are many parts, yet one body. (21) The eye cannot say to the hand, “I do not need you,” nor again the head to the feet, “I do not need you.” (22) Indeed, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are all the more necessary, (23) and those parts of the body that we consider less honorable we surround with greater honor, and our less presentable parts are treated with greater propriety, (24) whereas our more presentable parts do not need this. But God has so constructed the body as to give greater honor to a part that is without it, (25) so that there may be no division in the body, but that the parts may have the same concern for one another. (26) If [one] part suffers, all the parts suffer with it; if one part is honored, all the parts share its joy.

There is great value in all worthy jobs and positions. Perhaps the most important thing is to do your very best at the position and job where you find yourself at the time. Be wary of someone that likes to be with you primarily because you have an impressive position or are the latest rising-star in the company. That can disappear in an instant... and then will she also disappear?


Just my thoughts.


Ed

Mar 8th 2013 new

Ambitious for me is someone who has goals for themselves and always wants to better themselves. Successful I guess is achieving what you go after, not necessarily having the finer things in life or being prestigious. For me, a big part of being successful is being happy with what you have in life and being able to reach at least some of your goals.

Mar 8th 2013 new

Hello Will. Success for me has never been defined in terms of society`s material standards. A man`s job credentials, financial status and mode of transportation don`t mean that much to me, for these are superficial social standards. They have nothing to do with how much I sense I can trust a man. Trust is very important. eyepopping

Alike Dr. Shlessinger, I believe in the "Three C`s": "Character, Courage and Conscience". A man who is able to set goals for himself and strives to achieve them is only a good man if he is also willing to stand up for what he believes in, if he would be willing to give the shirt off his back and even his life - if necessary, for others. And to the best of his ability, if should be one to strive to improve morally and set an example for others, if need be, preferably in a subtle way. For sure, a man who treats a woman well as `his only treasure` after God, who is a protector. And when he fails at something, he is able and wanting to pick himself up and keep on trying, just like Christ. To me, Will, it is this type of man who is a success, who is ambitious, who is a real man. Olympics

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