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This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

Mar 22nd 2013 new

I didn't read the responses BUT I will give you what appears to be the obvious advice and that is find a ring (any ring) and put it on your left ring finger. I took off my wedding band but put my "mother's ring" on my left ring finger. Even though my annulment is granted, I still wear it on my left ring finger.

Mar 22nd 2013 new
(Quote) Katherine-868943 said: Also I love how it's MY fault he reached over and kissed me. I guess I just can't be out in public...
(Quote) Katherine-868943 said:

Also I love how it's MY fault he reached over and kissed me. I guess I just can't be out in public talking to a man by myself and be safe? This was outside, in a public area. I guess I'm just stupid.

--hide--
Katherine,

Number One: This is not your fault. You are not responsible for this man's abnormal behavior. This isn't about what you were wearing or a normal conversation about books, school, and movies. And for goodness sake, this has absolutely nothing to do with wearing or not wearing a ring!!!

Number Two: You are far from stupid. Your intellect and "instincts" are telling you this was "strange, strange, strange..." (your words). It left you dumbfounded and your mind is telling you something very odd just occurred with a male you barely know.

Think about what happened. A man you barely know begins to ask questions about where you go to graduate school, your activities, etc. He then proceeds to physically take and control your cell phone, operate it, and enter his phone number. His next step is to intrude his body on yours! So, his steps went from a verbal inquiry as to your whereabouts/activities....to taking control over a physical object which belongs to you...to violating your person!

My best advice is that you should be more concerned about this man's motives/safety. You should give his phone number to a friend/family member...just in case.

He may have been "interviewing you"/testing...and not for a date... I highly suggest that every woman (and man) read "The Gift of Fear" www.amazon.com
Mar 28th 2013 new

(Quote) Margo-404841 said: (Quote) Katherine-868943 said: Also I love how it's MY fault he reache...
(Quote) Margo-404841 said:

Quote:
Katherine-868943 said:

Also I love how it's MY fault he reached over and kissed me. I guess I just can't be out in public talking to a man by myself and be safe? This was outside, in a public area. I guess I'm just stupid.


No, no, no, it isn't your fault that he reached over and kissed you. That was a moment in which you got a lesson regarding boundaries, emotional and physical. You were taught by this incident (or you need to learn) that you are in charge of your physical space, the amount of time you spend with someone. You need to be aware of how you are being perceived before some guys reaches over and kisses you again.

There are two types of marriage, civil (legal) and sacramental (religious). If you are civilly divorced, then you shouldn't be wearing a wedding ring because you are no longer legally married. You might still be married in your mind, though. Thn it would be time to process your marriage, its end and what your newfound singledom means thru psychotherapy.

--hide--

Mar 28th 2013 new
Its funny that someone here mentioned wearing your ring because in Ireland where my family is from we wear our wedding rings on our right hand in the event that our spouse dies or in the event of a divorce without annullment.Which I have always done,but will soon be removing it as my annullment will be final after holy week.Without realizing it two people have asked me if I am gay!? Since I pretty comfortable with my sexuality it didn't bother,but is this a sign that a person is gay? I guess I am just a teal geezer.LOL
Apr 22nd 2013 new

(Quote) Katherine-868943 said: It's emotionally tolling too, I don't like to trash my ex-husband because his leaving...
(Quote) Katherine-868943 said:

It's emotionally tolling too, I don't like to trash my ex-husband because his leaving was the best thing that ever happened to me, but he is my age with a 22 year old apparently partly living with him girlfriend. It's petty, I know, but it seems unfair that I got married thinking I would have the happy family life I see with my parents and my sister and end up being ostracized by people at church, approached in uncomfortable ways, and may have a chance that the annulment says I have to learn how to navigate this limbo forever.

Putting the ring on also seems very painful because well, see the above. I know I'm sacramentally married but I can't stay hidden away from the world, my son will not be dependent on me forever and someday if I do my job right I will have to be alone.

Ah well - someone told me "Never pray for strength or patience, it's then those things will be tested."

--hide--

I kept my ring on till my civil divorce was final... then removed it and promptly lost it. :-) I seriously have no idea where it went...totally out of character for me to lose anything...

Keep the ring on for now... focus on taking care of your son.

Apr 30th 2013 new

(Quote) Katherine-868943 said: I have no idea what to think. I had the strangest thing happen Thursday and here it i...
(Quote) Katherine-868943 said:



I have no idea what to think. I had the strangest thing happen Thursday and here it is Saturday with me still wondering what to do.

A guy I don't know well, we just sort of chatted a bit, he was asking about books I was reading, music, movies and such where I go to grad school. I was getting ready to go and he reached over, grabbed my telephone, and put his number in it. Then he said "We should go on a date sometime." I sort of stammered at that point, he said "This will be awkward," and he reached over and kissed me. Then he apologized and said "I shouldn't have done that." It was so strange, I have never had anything like that happen before. I promise I was not consciously flirting or anything, I honestly thought we were just chatting. I am new to the school and the area, I don't know anyone and my annulment isn't done. Obviously I am really dense and can't tell "interested" from "friendly." I have explained to him that my annulment isn't final, I can't date, etcetera.

This is making me feel very strange, and very awkward. I was wearing my usual (MODEST) business casual clothing, nothing unusual, how on earth did this strange situation occur? And what on earth do I do about it? Thing is, I've been sort of dodging guys asking for my number more and more, I want to go to things outside church and socialize normally but all I can think of at this point is to put on a fake engagement ring which seems very high school.

--hide--
Katherine, I know you posted this a few weeks ago, but I just read through the post and replies today. I have read another post from you, and your comments on others. I am sure that this really rattled you (it would have rattled me, too) and gave you moments of distraction and even some lost sleep. I was conditioned for many years to believe that the way people acted (good or bad) was somehow dependent upon my behavior-- which is a fine way for manipulative people to push their own agenda. I have very strong feelings about these sorts of things and feel compelled to respond.


Please don't second guess yourself, nor let anyone let you believe that you may have invited this kind of attention or unsolicited behavior. It is NOT appropriate to grab someone's cell phone and place one's phone number in it nor is it appropriate to kiss a woman (or a man if the woman was doing the bad behavior) in the manner that you described. This was sexual harrassment.

As for wearing a wedding ring, it doesn't matter whether you have or had a ring on or not. His behavior was inappropriate. As for him kissing you and then apologizing, he wasn't "sorry," he was continuing his manipulative behavior.


I am excited to hear that you are in grad school. I finally got to grad school after my marriage fell apart. It took me 30 years to get there, but it was one of the best things I could have done. And my wedding ring? Believe it or not I accidentally threw it away, along with my retainer and favorite pair of earrings! I probably shouldn't admit that one... if I am ever blessed to be married again I wonder if my new husband will trust me with a wedding ring :-D Blessings to you, my sister in Christ!

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