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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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03/10/2013 new

(Quote) Pat-5351 said: You should end a relationship by the highest level of contact you have previously had--if you have ne...
(Quote) Pat-5351 said:

You should end a relationship by the highest level of contact you have previously had--if you have never talked, by email or text is fine I guess. If you have talked on the phone it should be on the phone, if you have been together in person, it should be in person.

--hide--



It doesn't make sense in a LDR to make a special trip to break up with someone, unless it has been a long term relationship. Regardless, as you mentioned somewhere in another post, if you use a "it's not you, it's me" (paraphrase) approach, it will go over better. Maintain a person's dignity, however the break up has to happen.

03/10/2013 new

(Quote) Pat-5351 said: You should end a relationship by the highest level of contact you have previously had--if you have ne...
(Quote) Pat-5351 said:

You should end a relationship by the highest level of contact you have previously had--if you have never talked, by email or text is fine I guess. If you have talked on the phone it should be on the phone, if you have been together in person, it should be in person.

--hide--
Totally agree. Just to add a little more, regardless of the medium, what's critical for me is the closure and not to leave the other party hanging in the air totally clueless as to what just happened.

03/10/2013 new

(Quote) Marge-938695 said: I don't care how it's ended. As long as there is actually a "Goodbye" rather th...
(Quote) Marge-938695 said:

I don't care how it's ended. As long as there is actually a "Goodbye" rather than the other party simply failing to respond ever again....

--hide--

Yes! That's my first choice, too! Unfortunately, sometimes people are really unclear about their feelings which is probably why it isn't working in the first place!

03/10/2013 new

(Quote) David-622846 said: I've noticed no guys respond. I personally would want it done to me over the phone or in pers...
(Quote) David-622846 said:

I've noticed no guys respond. I personally would want it done to me over the phone or in person but not at a public place, I almost prefer the phone call because it is more private. I think some people feel that if it's done in person it achieves some sort of special respect. I don't disagree but for me personally - tell me straight up on the phone.

--hide--

Like most things, it seems to come down to personal preference. However, I am strongly in your camp. It almost feels dishonest to me to make a special point to get together with the other party only to blindside him with bad news. It seems better to spell it out on the phone or an email, let the dust settle, and then get together later to hash things out.

03/10/2013 new

I agree with you David. I would prefer a phone call because it is more private. I would especially prefer a phone call if it was a LDR because I think the travel would be unnecessary and I would be so doubly disappointed if someone came to see me only to "dump" me when I was anticipating a fun and exciting time together. I agree - tell me straight up on the phone - anything else would be awkward and uncomfortable.

03/10/2013 new

I have had others end it on the phone and so have I. I never thought it was a less-charitable way to go. In the future I will be more sensitive to this bothering others. I prefer to be dumped on the phone because if it is going to end anyway it would be easier on the receiver. I would hate to drive 30 minutes to see someone "about something important," get the message, and then spend another 30 minutes getting home. If the lady did that, it would seem she was following a set of rules, but not seriously considering the impact on the man. I'm glad for the question because I had never considered it before.

03/10/2013 new

(Quote) David-622846 said: I've noticed no guys respond. I personally would want it done to me over the phone or in pers...
(Quote) David-622846 said:

I've noticed no guys respond. I personally would want it done to me over the phone or in person but not at a public place, I almost prefer the phone call because it is more private. I think some people feel that if it's done in person it achieves some sort of special respect. I don't disagree but for me personally - tell me straight up on the phone.

Quote:
Lisa-572677 said:

Enlighten me, please! I've read on here and elsewhere how cold, cruel, impolite - you pick the adjective - it is to "dump" your beloved on the phone. Well, I guess maybe if you are engaged, I can see that. But, what about just dating? and LDRs? Why is it so awful to do it over the phone? or in an email? or, dare I say it? a text?


--hide--



What if you date for a long time? or you had lots of romantic dinners or dates? The whole thing is sad-

I can see preferring the phone- I had an icky break up type conversation with a guy about two years back and I think phone was better. (We never got very close and we did nto express romance directly..It never blossomed..so it was icky...just as it was..) Seeing him a day later at my group so dejected even though he rejected me was so painful. I hated all of it-- JUST HATED IT. (We were both really keyed up. Now I practically ignore him.) I don't hold it aginst him. I was hurt for many many months. Now I just do not care one bit. I have pushed it with force-- out of my mind I still see him as (less than or equal to) a friend. I had to knock him off of the high pedestal in my mind in order to heal. I had built him up quite high onto a pedestal. Now he is just down here on the ground like a regular guy with mistakes and foibles, has done some faux pas, and has fallabilities and faults.

03/10/2013 new
(Quote) Marian-83994 said: What if you date for a long time? or you had lots of romantic dinners or dates? The whole thing is ...
(Quote) Marian-83994 said:




What if you date for a long time? or you had lots of romantic dinners or dates? The whole thing is sad-

I can see preferring the phone- I had an icky break up type conversation with a guy about two years back and I think phone was better. (We never got very close and we did nto express romance directly..It never blossomed..so it was icky...just as it was..) Seeing him a day later at my group so dejected even though he rejected me was so painful. I hated all of it-- JUST HATED IT. (We were both really keyed up. Now I practically ignore him.) I don't hold it aginst him. I was hurt for many many months. Now I just do not care one bit. I have pushed it with force-- out of my mind I still see him as (less than or equal to) a friend. I had to knock him off of the high pedestal in my mind in order to heal. I had built him up quite high onto a pedestal. Now he is just down here on the ground like a regular guy with mistakes and foibles, has done some faux pas, and has fallabilities and faults.

--hide--


scratchchin I can definitely say a two line email after dating seven years is not my preferred break up method....praise God for unanswered prayers is my only thought now.....
03/10/2013 new
(Quote) Lisa-572677 said: Enlighten me, please! I've read on here and elsewhere how cold, cruel, impolite - you pick the adjective - i...
(Quote) Lisa-572677 said:

Enlighten me, please! I've read on here and elsewhere how cold, cruel, impolite - you pick the adjective - it is to "dump" your beloved on the phone. Well, I guess maybe if you are engaged, I can see that. But, what about just dating? and LDRs? Why is it so awful to do it over the phone? or in an email? or, dare I say it? a text?

--hide--


Yessssssss
03/10/2013 new

(Quote) Lisa-572677 said: Enlighten me, please! I've read on here and elsewhere how cold, cruel, impolite - you pick the...
(Quote) Lisa-572677 said:

Enlighten me, please! I've read on here and elsewhere how cold, cruel, impolite - you pick the adjective - it is to "dump" your beloved on the phone. Well, I guess maybe if you are engaged, I can see that. But, what about just dating? and LDRs? Why is it so awful to do it over the phone? or in an email? or, dare I say it? a text?

--hide--

If you talk mostly on the phone, that's fine...espeically if you haven't spent much time face to fact.

If you see each other at least a couple of times a month, you ought to do it in person.

If you have only been texting or using email, do it that way.

Basically, whatever communication medium you have used for the meaningful substance of your relationship should be acceptable, or the highest form. For example, if you started by emailing (a couple of months), grew into talking on the phone (also a couple of months) and met a time or two (last week), you can use the phone or ftf, but if you haven't emailed in 5 months, it's probably best not to do it like that.

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