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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

03/17/2013 new

(Quote) Sherrill-anne-13557 said: I believe that we have a natural desire to love and be loved.Both are important in relatio...
(Quote) Sherrill-anne-13557 said:

I believe that we have a natural desire to love and be loved.Both are important in relationships as well as when we reach out to help others.

'The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread."
Mother Teresa

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Given your position, that the desire to be loved is positive, how do you react when you hear or read comments that seem to be critical of any desire to be loved, such as the two I mentioned; namely, "It easy to be loved, but difficult to love" and "Everybody wants to be loved, but not everybody is willing to love".

03/17/2013 new

(Quote) Marge-938695 said: This is getting kind of deep.I'm confused by what exactly you mean by "did not h...
(Quote) Marge-938695 said:

This is getting kind of deep.

I'm confused by what exactly you mean by "did not have a desire to be loved".
#1, Do you mean, just wants a friend at the other side of the room, but doesn't want anyone running her fingers through his hair?
#2. Do you mean, misanthropic?

In the case of #1, you stay on the other side of the room...but you still offer to bring a coke or sandwich back for him when you make a run to the kitchen.

In the case of #2, you love him agapaicly -- praying for him, helping him indirectly when you can, and occasionally sending a greeting.

The main thing is, you love a person the way he needs you to love him. Some days it's one way, some days it's another, some days it's little, some days a lot.

--hide--

03/17/2013 new

(Quote) Marge-938695 said: This is getting kind of deep.I'm confused by what exactly you mean by "did not h...
(Quote) Marge-938695 said:

This is getting kind of deep.

I'm confused by what exactly you mean by "did not have a desire to be loved".
#1, Do you mean, just wants a friend at the other side of the room, but doesn't want anyone running her fingers through his hair?
#2. Do you mean, misanthropic?

In the case of #1, you stay on the other side of the room...but you still offer to bring a coke or sandwich back for him when you make a run to the kitchen.

In the case of #2, you love him agapaicly -- praying for him, helping him indirectly when you can, and occasionally sending a greeting.

The main thing is, you love a person the way he needs you to love him. Some days it's one way, some days it's another, some days it's little, some days a lot.

--hide--
I was mainly thinking of love in some kind of personal way, whether a smile in a platonic relationship or the electricity of caressing digits in a romantic situation.

To pinpoint the reason for this topic it was to find out whether the kind of advice in the two statements I mention in the first post make some people feel uneasy if they detect in themselves any desire to be loved. It seems to me that the recommendations in those kinds of comments are what you might call a "Puritanism of Love" because just as the original kind of Puritanism was overly critical of every kind of erotic inclination so this "Puritanism of Love" frowns on some forms of healthful love, such as desire to be loved, as something to eliminated from oneself.

Some of us may have only in our unconscious this inhibition about wanting to be loved even though the original source was hearing admonishions against seeking to be loved in our formative years. If such unconscious assumptions are lurking within, it is good to become aware of them so that they don't affect us.

I think that your words, "you love a person the way he needs you to love him" state a good general rule.

03/17/2013 new

(Quote) John-184825 said:I think that your words, "you love a person the way he needs you to love him" state a g...
(Quote) John-184825 said:I think that your words, "you love a person the way he needs you to love him" state a good general rule.
--hide--

That's encouraging.

Fact is, love and relationships just are not that complicated. There's not a large need for analysis, just a large need for initiation.

03/17/2013 new

Both those statements indicate (to me) a large degree of selfishness...and a certain amount of fear, which can be, in its own way, a manifestation of selfishness and pride.

03/19/2013 new

(Quote) Marge-938695 said: That's encouraging.Fact is, love and relationships just are not that complicated....
(Quote) Marge-938695 said:


That's encouraging.

Fact is, love and relationships just are not that complicated. There's not a large need for analysis, just a large need for initiation.

--hide--
Love may not be complicated, but there must be significant barriers other than complications that keep people in the single state so long even when they want to be in the married state.

03/19/2013 new

(Quote) Marge-938695 said: Both those statements indicate (to me) a large degree of selfishness...and a certain amount of fe...
(Quote) Marge-938695 said:

Both those statements indicate (to me) a large degree of selfishness...and a certain amount of fear, which can be, in its own way, a manifestation of selfishness and pride.

--hide--
Or maybe the people who voice those warnings have never thought of the good side of desiring to be loved and are only aware of the possible negative side as might be the case with people who always want to be the objects of love and attention.

03/19/2013 new

(Quote) Mary-404589 said: (Quote) John-184825 said: "If the other party did not have a desire to...
(Quote) Mary-404589 said:

[quote]John-184825 said:

"If the other party did not have a desire to be loved, would that make things better by reducing the number of times that you were called on to give love"?

I don't see how it could possibly make things better. We need both to love and to be loved. God created us, not only to be in communion with Himself, but also with each other. I think it is a bit of an insult to the other person not to receive the love that the other person has to give. Not that one should be overly needy or demanding about how the other shows affection. But the desire to be loved is in our God-given nature.

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Thanks for your thoughts on this matter. One thing that I wonder about is whether the people who says things such as, "It easy to be loved, but difficult to love" or "Everybody wants to be loved, but not everybody is willing to love" have any awareness of how onesided those remarks are.

03/19/2013 new

(Quote) John-184825 said: Thanks for your thoughts on this matter. One thing that I wonder about is whether the people who s...
(Quote) John-184825 said:

Thanks for your thoughts on this matter. One thing that I wonder about is whether the people who says things such as, "It easy to be loved, but difficult to love" or "Everybody wants to be loved, but not everybody is willing to love" have any awareness of how onesided those remarks are.

--hide--

I believe that we need to love and we need to be able to accept love. And if we are not willing to love, than why enter a relationship? It is doomed for failure.

Love is a decision and when I married my man, both of us made that decision to love till death do us apart. We knew that erotic love that we felt for each other, although good and necessary was not enough to sustain us. We needed agape love where we put the other one first. And yes, sometimes it is difficult to love, but God gives us the grace to love when we ask for it.

In our 21 years of married life, we had times when it was difficult to love, but God was always with us and so we were able to love till the very end. That is why I am here again, because I experienced how rewarding it is to love and to be loved. And by doing this, I am a witness to Christ's love. This, I believe is one aspect of the vocation of every married couple : to love and to bring one another closer to our God.




03/19/2013 new

You have to look at those complications -- and determine whether they are of your own making.

Sometimes we are our own worst enemies.

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