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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Mar 16th 2013 new

(Quote) Ray-566531 said: Oh, Donna -- I always have thoughts.... Well, ya can lead a horse to water...as the old sayi...
(Quote) Ray-566531 said:

Oh, Donna -- I always have thoughts....

Well, ya can lead a horse to water...as the old saying goes. I'm afraid "education" and/or coercion isn't too much better than an arranged marriage. Perhaps the educatin factor could be integrated with some other subject for some degree of success. Coercion? Ain't gonna happen. Many years ago, the Church was a focal point for social activities. Those of us who have been around for awhile recall the CYO (Catholic Youth Organizations) that were packing young people in at different events -- primarily dances and sock hops. Nowadays, it's hard to get enough people to attend a Church sponsored dance or similar event. Unfortunately, secular events have largely replaced the Church-oriented activities.

The Fear Factor? I'm sure it's real, but it is disguised by other excuses. Some people just don't want to commit to much of anything. Probably not good marriage material to start with. Many who have been divorced (even with annulments) can be hesitant to take the plunge again being concerned about picking a potential loser, or just making a bad choice. This might be the group that is most likely to be admitting to such a fear. Those who are widowed can be afraid they might end up having a spouse that doesn't measure up to their previous one, or in situations where long term care was involved, a fear of a recurrence. Those who haven't ever been married could fear that their marriage won't work out. They see the statistics and people they know splitting up -- which could include their parents. Fear can involve other factors as well, such as economic stability, the need to move, and just fear of the unknown. As desperate as some people seem, they appear to shoot themselves in their feet. As bad as their situation might be, they know what they have and are concerned about having it worse. In general, they might use the excuse there is something in a person's profile that makes them keep looking.

Fear is self-defeating, and that is a problem with getting people together, whether they meet online or by some other means. If people who want to date pay their $$$ to join a dating site, they should get in gear to get their $$$ worth. People can't marry their computers. Real-life dating can be a lot of fun. It's sad to think of what people are missing by not trying it. So what if a profile isn't 100% what a person wants. We need to get real, take a chance and get out there. Even if a date doesn't lead to anything long term, it still can be enjoyable. Almost every date has more personality than an Apple, Dell or whatever brand computer people have.

If two people who fear the worst get together, they can have a few laughs about it to ease the tension. For the men, there are some very appealing women out there -- just waiting. I wish I had the opportunity and time to meet more of them, but of the several I've met, we've had enjoyable times. For the women -- well, if you're bound by tradition and wait for the guys to contact you, it could be quiet for you on weekends. No harm in an innocent "Hello" and a few words to encourage someone to get moving.

The Fear Factor is real. For those who can't completely get over it -- meet it head on. It'll get better from there.

--hide--


Ray,

I enjoyed this thoughtful posting of yours and when I joined I put myself out there by making contact with men I found interesting. I would say that about 99.9% of the men I contacted were not interested in me. Then I started to close myself off and only recently opened up again. With the match system and at this age, many/most have our reasons why we are unable to move. The final comment I make is that I want some say in the choice of a partner, I'm not a schoolgirl, I don't just want to wait to be picked, but with the right person I can be led.

theheart

Mar 16th 2013 new

(Quote) Eloise-899090 said: Ray,I enjoyed this thoughtful posting of yours and when I joined I put myself ou...
(Quote) Eloise-899090 said:



Ray,

I enjoyed this thoughtful posting of yours and when I joined I put myself out there by making contact with men I found interesting. I would say that about 99.9% of the men I contacted were not interested in me. Then I started to close myself off and only recently opened up again. With the match system and at this age, many/most have our reasons why we are unable to move. The final comment I make is that I want some say in the choice of a partner, I'm not a schoolgirl, I don't just want to wait to be picked, but with the right person I can be led.

--hide--
Thanks, Eloise.

And now -- Hey, Guys -- get the "led" out!!!!

Mar 16th 2013 new
(Quote) Marita-847688 said: Most men would go after the same few women, while the other women would stand there wondering what...
(Quote) Marita-847688 said:


Most men would go after the same few women, while the other women would stand there wondering what is wrong with them.

--hide--
As most men will tell you this phenomenon goes both ways.
Mar 16th 2013 new

(Quote) Jim-13836 said: I don't think anyone is ugly and I stink at dancing, so thanks for the advice. ...
(Quote) Jim-13836 said:


I don't think anyone is ugly and I stink at dancing, so thanks for the advice.


Not all of the guys are scared. Some of us prefer to go slowly at first. Nothing wrong with that.

--hide--

" Some of us prefer to go slowly at first." Ummmm....define slow because you may have just outed yourself (?)

Mar 16th 2013 new

(Quote) Lisa-572677 said: (Quote) Jim-13836 said: I don't think anyone is ugly and I...
(Quote) Lisa-572677 said:

Quote:
Jim-13836 said:


I don't think anyone is ugly and I stink at dancing, so thanks for the advice.


Not all of the guys are scared. Some of us prefer to go slowly at first. Nothing wrong with that.


" Some of us prefer to go slowly at first." Ummmm....define slow because you may have just outed yourself (?)

--hide--


laughing laughing thumbsup I was coming back to that post..Some of y'all are going so slowly the rest of us are getting gray(er) hair by the minute..


C'mon man..kick yourslf into warp speed. Women are waiting.. rolling eyes

Mar 16th 2013 new

(Quote) Jim-13836 said:I don't think anyone is ugly and I stink at dancing, so thanks for the advice.Not all of the guys ar...
(Quote) Jim-13836 said:I don't think anyone is ugly and I stink at dancing, so thanks for the advice.
Not all of the guys are scared. Some of us prefer to go slowly at first. Nothing wrong with that.
--hide--


1. I have two left feet myself, so maybe we can sit one out over a couple of 7-Ups.
2. No problem with going slowly, but you have to actually go.

Mar 16th 2013 new

(Quote) Ray-566531 said: Thanks, Eloise. And now -- Hey, Guys -- get the "led" out!!!!
(Quote) Ray-566531 said:

Thanks, Eloise.

And now -- Hey, Guys -- get the "led" out!!!!

--hide--


Ray,

I just went over my recent matches. All three were out of state as usual and preferred their own location. One was a farmer and we know he Really can't move. One had not been active in over three weeks, also preferred his own location. Both were combination of phlegmatic/melancholic, neither temperament for me. Last one from CT, never on any Sites, preferred his own location, sanguine/choleric, fine with me. The Match System has not worked for me. My Temperaments test shows sanguine/phlegmatic which really would be if retested correctly sanguine/choleric. I know myself and who/what I am attracted to and get along with best, choleric/sanguine or second, sanguine/choleric. Predominate choleric must be wise enough not to TRY control me since it does not work at all. See that's an easy view and window into me. O.K. men you can breath again, remember I did say I can be "Led" a few posts above. I do have a great sense of humor to go along with all of this. So, men out there you can stop laughing and it's not necessary to go into St. Joseph's Room about this stong willed woman who will never get many dates. laughing laughing laughing

theheart

Mar 16th 2013 new

(Quote) Eloise-899090 said: All three were out of state as usual and preferred their own location.
(Quote) Eloise-899090 said:

All three were out of state as usual and preferred their own location.

--hide--

A preference is not necessarily an absolute requirement. Given sufficient motivation, many preferences can be changed. You'll never know unless you talk to the individual.

Mar 16th 2013 new

(Quote) Jerry-74383 said: Given sufficient motivation, many preferences can be changed. You'll never know unless you talk to th...
(Quote) Jerry-74383 said: Given sufficient motivation, many preferences can be changed. You'll never know unless you talk to the individual.

--hide--
You're absolutely right, Jerry. Love can move mountains -- and people's hearts. Longtime, world renowned marriage researcher and expert John Gottman says that a husband's ability to accept a wife's influence is a major predictor of marital success. Gottman Method Couples Therapy is taught to therapists worldwide. It's very practical.

Mar 16th 2013 new

(Quote) Patrick-872788 said: As most men will tell you this phenomenon goes both ways.
(Quote) Patrick-872788 said: As most men will tell you this phenomenon goes both ways.
--hide--

Brown eyed, Catholic, your name is Patrick and you're single? I haven't read your profile, but if only I were younger!

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