Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.
Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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First of all, put on your asbestos underwear, mate, because you are going to get flamed for that!
Second, if that is your impression, you aren't meeting the right kind of women for you. Put in your profile that you want someone who is a deep thinker...that'll scare away the ditzes.
Third, the easiest way to make conversation is: ASK QUESTIONS.
You will be surprised how many men will talk with a gal on the phone for an hour or more and when they hang up, she says, "He didn't ask me a single question about myself!"
Does she play board games? Collect things? Like museums? Travel? How about them Red Sox? Ever go fishing -- how did you like it? What do you think of Linked-In? Tell me about your childhood. Do you have a pet? What do you think is the biggest problem facing the next generation? Do you think there's life on other planets? What's the future of North Korea? Which interests or inspires you more: Thomas Aquinas, Aristotle, or Freud?
Just don't make it an interrogation (she wants to hear your views on these things, too) and don't ask personal questions until you have known each other for a while, or unless she raises the topic.
Hi Marge! A really good question to ask people (if it hasn't already been overdone) is what would they do if they won the lottery? It's fun to listen to others' replies; plus, it can be a real window into their character! Chelle
John, perhaps you meant that you were more of an analytical type of person or an introvert. Sounds as if I can totally relate to you. I read a lot, think a lot, analyze situations up & down, backward & forward! I used to be so shy that I couldn't join in a conversation, but as I grew older I gained more confidence. I would rather be in a one-on-one or small group situation than at a large gathering.
I agree with some of the others here who suggested you ask questions. If you have read a person's profile & found some details that could be expanded upon, that's where you begin!
When I met this man F2F for the first time after exchanging messages for a month, we had plenty to talk about--both of us had lots in common. Then the next meeting, I thought about some of the details I knew from what he had shared & asked him to expand upon one or two of them. I think it showed him I was really interested in him & his thoughts.
I feel you! I try to fill the first couple meetings with some sort of activity, even if it only a walk. I try to do intriguging activites, but the CM ladies can be very non-adventurous (if you don't want to go to a resturant you haven't been to before, or will only meet in a mall and want to stay in a mall, or you won't go for a walk in a park, you are non-adventurous) I choose activites as a substitute for small talk. I know I am interesting, I want to find out if the gal I stopped everything to hang out with is interesting.
That said, I bet I came off as boring because I small talk is a challange. First off, don't assume the woman you meet aren't thinkers, ask them what they are thinking about.
I share your problem, John. While it is good that you want to expand beyond "bookish" topics, I think it is also important to ask yourself what sort of person do you really want to be with. There are many wonderful people out there that will never be deep thinkers, but as wonderful as they may be, I don't think I could be happy with them. Loving to think and talk about deep subjects is too much a part of who I am. Education level and stated interests can be some indicator, but that can be deceptive. Not all intellegent people are educated and some people who struggle with learning disabilities can in fact be very intelligent. Maybe someone who doesn't appear to be much of a thinker has a side that is still to be discovered by you.
Maybe in addition to trying expand beyond your usual bookish topics, you could try to think of new ways of talking about your intellectual intests that could engage a person who isn't a specialist in the topic. If she is interested in you, she should be interested in what you have to say, provided that you don't talk down to her. If she isn't interested in what you have to say, maybe she isn't right for you.
Encouraging her to talk about the things that interest her is a good thing too. And try to learn something about things that interest her so you can actually converse about the topic with her.
One idea I find helpful is to maybe play a fun board game or something at a coffee shop this might help keep the focus of having to keep up the talk and bring out more of your natural self.
You could go to the library or bookstore together and just browse around and talk about what interests you.
You could throw a frisbee around or something like that or maybe visit one of the places where you do pottery or art.
Basically maybe you need to have an activity your doing something with the person so that you both feel natural.
Encouraging her to talk about the things that interest her is a good thing too.
Yes, because he must also be interested in what she has to say, or they will get nowhere.
This is where a website like CM can bring tremendous value to a relationship in its early stages. Read a woman's profile carefully, and make note of things she likes/enjoys/values that are compatible with your likes/values/etc.
This is why I take a "more is better" approach when putting together my profile (the content, not necessarily the photos). The information in the profiles should be the material that you use to "start a conversation" with someone!