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This room is for general discussion that doesn't specifically fit into one of the other CatholicMatch rooms. Topics should not be overly serious as this is to be more of a "cafe setting."

Saint Peter's Square was created so that more people could be in the presence of the Pope and was named after Saint Peter, one of Jesus's apostles.
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Mar 20th 2013 new
(Quote) Jerry-730726 said: I know I admired Nancy Reagan very much for what she did for the former President. (you could tell it took it&#...
(Quote) Jerry-730726 said:

I know I admired Nancy Reagan very much for what she did for the former President. (you could tell it took it's toll on her) She was quoted as saying " It's the longest good-bye"~

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I have a cousin my age caring for her elderly Mother who can not do much for herself & I can see the toll it is taking on her. I do admire greatly that she has been able to quit her job to care for her Mom since her siblings are taking care of giving her an allowance. Her Mom confuses easily so it would have been difficult to put her in a nursing home. This same cousin lived with my Grandmother her Senior year of high school & couple of years of college until my Grandmother passed away right after my 21st birthday. I felt blessed that she was able to do it because she moved to Oklahoma from California & we became very close friends during that time. rose rose
Mar 20th 2013 new

(Quote) Jerry-730726 said: I know I admired Nancy Reagan very much for what she did for the former President. (you could tel...
(Quote) Jerry-730726 said:

I know I admired Nancy Reagan very much for what she did for the former President. (you could tell it took it's toll on her) She was quoted as saying " It's the longest good-bye"~

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Hi Jerry! She must be where I got that from, then. It truly is a long goodbye. I think the average "course" for Alzheimer's is 10 years. My mom started showing signs at about 80, and we just celebrated her 89th birthday. Honestly, I hope she does makes it to 90! Chelle

Mar 21st 2013 new

Thank you Jerry it brought tears to my eyes too.

I wasn't able to take care of my mother myself, but I made sure she had good care. Being an only child there was nobody to help me. My husband at the time had terminal cancer, and I didn't have the option of not working because he was on my insurance and for financial reasons as well. It was a hard trying to take care of Jerry, look after mom and working full time. I was called away a lot for either mom or Jerry, and my employer was always supportive take as much time as you need and let us know if you need anything.

I think the hardest stage for me was when my mom went through her mean and angry stage. They told me they usually lash out at the person they care for the most. You just have to take it, and it is so hard. I admire all of you who are caregivers, because I know it is not an easy thing to do, but you do it out of love.

Mar 21st 2013 new

(Quote) Sharon-885911 said: Thank you Jerry it brought tears to my eyes too.I wasn't able to take care of my mot...
(Quote) Sharon-885911 said:

Thank you Jerry it brought tears to my eyes too.

I wasn't able to take care of my mother myself, but I made sure she had good care. Being an only child there was nobody to help me. My husband at the time had terminal cancer, and I didn't have the option of not working because he was on my insurance and for financial reasons as well. It was a hard trying to take care of Jerry, look after mom and working full time. I was called away a lot for either mom or Jerry, and my employer was always supportive take as much time as you need and let us know if you need anything.

I think the hardest stage for me was when my mom went through her mean and angry stage. They told me they usually lash out at the person they care for the most. You just have to take it, and it is so hard. I admire all of you who are caregivers, because I know it is not an easy thing to do, but you do it out of love.

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Hi Sharon! I was going to say in one of my previous posts that I think - more than anything else - a parent (or anyone who cannot or can no longer care for themselves) needs a strong advocate. And it looks like you were that for your mother! You must have felt like your whole world was falling apart, at times. I am so glad to see that your employer was so supportive!

The angry stage was a tough one! I was just talking about that with my mom's hospice nurse, this week. My mom wasn't in it for very long, but it was one of the worst times of my life! We're slowly taking her off of the medication(s) that she was put on because of that. I believe the owner of the board and care where she was living was also trying to pharmaceutically restrain her (long story for another time), and it's one of the reasons why I made the decision to bring her home.

I am so grateful to the OP who started this thread and to everyone else who has contributed to it. Sometimes, I feel very alone in this. No one I know (meaning my friends) are in this situation. In fact, no one I know has ever been in my particular situation. I feel very blessed and grateful to all of you with whom I've been able to compare notes! hug hug hug Chelle

Mar 22nd 2013 new

(Quote) Chelle-924354 said: Hi Sharon! I was going to say in one of my previous posts that I think - more than anyth...
(Quote) Chelle-924354 said:



Hi Sharon! I was going to say in one of my previous posts that I think - more than anything else - a parent (or anyone who cannot or can no longer care for themselves) needs a strong advocate. And it looks like you were that for your mother! You must have felt like your whole world was falling apart, at times. I am so glad to see that your employer was so supportive!

The angry stage was a tough one! I was just talking about that with my mom's hospice nurse, this week. My mom wasn't in it for very long, but it was one of the worst times of my life! We're slowly taking her off of the medication(s) that she was put on because of that. I believe the owner of the board and care where she was living was also trying to pharmaceutically restrain her (long story for another time), and it's one of the reasons why I made the decision to bring her home.

I am so grateful to the OP who started this thread and to everyone else who has contributed to it. Sometimes, I feel very alone in this. No one I know (meaning my friends) are in this situation. In fact, no one I know has ever been in my particular situation. I feel very blessed and grateful to all of you with whom I've been able to compare notes! Chelle

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Hi Chelle. Thanks for your contributions angel Its nice to not be alone.

Had to have my dad taken out by ambulance yesterday. He is hospitalized now and will have to go into skilled nursing if he makes it. 24 Hours on fluids have helped ,but he has many health issues including terminal cancer. My moms not so healthy either and was in over her head. I can't be here 24/7. Hard. I do recommend everyone have the "end of life" talk ahead of time. Its so hard to do when he's so ill.

Mar 22nd 2013 new

It can be difficult to be in a caregiver position, especially the whole "role reversal" part where the child ends up caring for the parent brings up a host of issues surrounding independence, adulthood, ensuring the presence of good decision-making and respecting the wishes of another adult.

There are a lot of factors to consider in any given situation, but if the aging person still has their faculties, telling them their house is "too much" for them crosses the line a bit. Talking with someone usually yields better results than talking to someone. There still may be some stigma or fear about ending up in an "old folks" home and not having freedom and independence. They may not have all of the information they need and may be overwhelmed in how to deal with their aging issues.

Maybe having a gentle conversation about how to make adjustments so that they can still have as much independence as they would like is another way to approach things in this case. If the elderly person acknowledges that being able to access a bathroom is a necessity, they will likely listen to reason. A renovation to have a bathroom placed on the main floor may be possible if funds are available. Someone already mentioned a chairlift, and having someone move in with the elderly relative. If the elderly relative has some friends their own age, they may know someone who lives in a one-floor condo unit in a safe building, or in a bungalow as opposed to a two-story house, and the idea of making a move to make their life more comfortable but still maintain some independence may not be so scary. There are different types of retirement residences - not everything is supervised care.

That is if the elderly relative does not require supervision and has their faculties. If they are hospitalized, the hospital may have social workers and geriatric specialists available who work with the other doctors to assess whether supervision is required. The person's condition can also change, so no one should assume that the person is "fine" after they are sent home from the hospital.

Mar 22nd 2013 new

(Quote) Susan-940526 said: Hi Chelle. Thanks for your contributions Its nice to not be alone. Had to hav...
(Quote) Susan-940526 said:


Hi Chelle. Thanks for your contributions Its nice to not be alone.

Had to have my dad taken out by ambulance yesterday. He is hospitalized now and will have to go into skilled nursing if he makes it. 24 Hours on fluids have helped ,but he has many health issues including terminal cancer. My moms not so healthy either and was in over her head. I can't be here 24/7. Hard. I do recommend everyone have the "end of life" talk ahead of time. Its so hard to do when he's so ill.

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I'm so sorry, Susan! hug If I can be a source of emotional support for you, please let me know. Praying Chelle

Mar 22nd 2013 new

This is an excellent topic for discussion. Personally I am helping to care for my parents both 92 and my mother in law who will be 90 within the month. They are in three levels of care. My mom is in a senior apartment. she uses a walker and has lifeline and gets meals on wheels. Lifeline might not have been mentioned but it really gives us children, and my mom peace of mind. If she need help for any reason all she does is push the button on a pendant and someone calls her. If she doesn't answer, the EMS is called and one of us on her primary contact list. I've met the ambulance at the hospital a few times. They don't have to lay there until found. My dad is in nursing home. He is using a wheel chair more and more but still has his walker. He has fallen a number of times. My mother in law is in assisted living. It is a wonderful facility that provides them with music and art and games and outings in addition to daily meals and medications. They are encouraged to do as much as they can for themselves. Helen does her own laundrey, she uses the community kitchen to bake cookies, she pours the water and sets out the napkins for meals. It makes her feel useful and her daughter & I know she is safe. Her daughter lives in Florida and calls every evening. I live nearby and I and my daughter visit regularly and take the doctor runs.


I feel aging in place is great and lifeline is peace of mind for family. At whatever stage a person is at, I believe, as was said before, they need to have some say over what is happening to them. My dad had two knees replaced and broke his hip all within a year. I pushed the therapy and told him he had a choice of doing nothing and being in a wheel chair the rest of his life or putting his whole mind and body into the therapy and try to be able to walk again. He chose to walk. He had at least five years of staying in his apartment because of the choice he made. He would still like to be there but with his other issues it just isn't possible that he and my mom could be safe anymore. We do take him to the apartment for an afternoon once in awhile so he can sit in his favorite chair and sleep. The choice method seems to work well for me with him. We talk and come up with a couple of alternatives and their pros and cons and then I ask him to make a choice. It's not always what I want but he generally makes rational decisions and they are his decisions. We go with them until something else happens and we start over with the options.


Little ordinary things that we can do for them means a lot to them and breaks up the monotony of their days. Mass on Sunday with breakfast afterward is something Mom and I do most Sundays. Pizza at the nursing home is treat for them as are visits from the great grandchildren and pets. My dad loves to go for a car ride around the area and look at the crops and the changes in the old homestead. One evening I packed a couple of Spotted Cow beers in a cooler and some snacks and my dad and I had a "date" watching a football game. My mother in law loves to bake so we try to get her out to one of our homes to make cookies and for a meal. Yes it is a chore loading and unloading walkers and wheelchairs and the parents themselves but the joy they get makes it so worth the effort. I do have to pray for patience though because everything moves so much slower.


Lord, I ask you to bless all of us who are now caring for aging relatives, who have in the past and those who will face the challenge in the future. I ask that you give us the wisdom to know when to push for changes, and when to allow them the dignity of their own choices. I ask for patience to listen to the same stories and the saga of health events. Help us to love them through it all. Let them feel your love through our hands as we care for them, our voices as we talk to them and in our silence when they just want someone near. Give us your strengh Lord as we see them through their bodily death to your loving arms for eternity. Amen

Mar 23rd 2013 new

(Quote) Judith-852712 said: This is an excellent topic for discussion. Personally I am helping to care for my parents both 9...
(Quote) Judith-852712 said:

This is an excellent topic for discussion. Personally I am helping to care for my parents both 92 and my mother in law who will be 90 within the month. They are in three levels of care. My mom is in a senior apartment. she uses a walker and has lifeline and gets meals on wheels. Lifeline might not have been mentioned but it really gives us children, and my mom peace of mind. If she need help for any reason all she does is push the button on a pendant and someone calls her. If she doesn't answer, the EMS is called and one of us on her primary contact list. I've met the ambulance at the hospital a few times. They don't have to lay there until found. My dad is in nursing home. He is using a wheel chair more and more but still has his walker. He has fallen a number of times. My mother in law is in assisted living. It is a wonderful facility that provides them with music and art and games and outings in addition to daily meals and medications. They are encouraged to do as much as they can for themselves. Helen does her own laundrey, she uses the community kitchen to bake cookies, she pours the water and sets out the napkins for meals. It makes her feel useful and her daughter & I know she is safe. Her daughter lives in Florida and calls every evening. I live nearby and I and my daughter visit regularly and take the doctor runs.


I feel aging in place is great and lifeline is peace of mind for family. At whatever stage a person is at, I believe, as was said before, they need to have some say over what is happening to them. My dad had two knees replaced and broke his hip all within a year. I pushed the therapy and told him he had a choice of doing nothing and being in a wheel chair the rest of his life or putting his whole mind and body into the therapy and try to be able to walk again. He chose to walk. He had at least five years of staying in his apartment because of the choice he made. He would still like to be there but with his other issues it just isn't possible that he and my mom could be safe anymore. We do take him to the apartment for an afternoon once in awhile so he can sit in his favorite chair and sleep. The choice method seems to work well for me with him. We talk and come up with a couple of alternatives and their pros and cons and then I ask him to make a choice. It's not always what I want but he generally makes rational decisions and they are his decisions. We go with them until something else happens and we start over with the options.


Little ordinary things that we can do for them means a lot to them and breaks up the monotony of their days. Mass on Sunday with breakfast afterward is something Mom and I do most Sundays. Pizza at the nursing home is treat for them as are visits from the great grandchildren and pets. My dad loves to go for a car ride around the area and look at the crops and the changes in the old homestead. One evening I packed a couple of Spotted Cow beers in a cooler and some snacks and my dad and I had a "date" watching a football game. My mother in law loves to bake so we try to get her out to one of our homes to make cookies and for a meal. Yes it is a chore loading and unloading walkers and wheelchairs and the parents themselves but the joy they get makes it so worth the effort. I do have to pray for patience though because everything moves so much slower.


Lord, I ask you to bless all of us who are now caring for aging relatives, who have in the past and those who will face the challenge in the future. I ask that you give us the wisdom to know when to push for changes, and when to allow them the dignity of their own choices. I ask for patience to listen to the same stories and the saga of health events. Help us to love them through it all. Let them feel your love through our hands as we care for them, our voices as we talk to them and in our silence when they just want someone near. Give us your strengh Lord as we see them through their bodily death to your loving arms for eternity. Amen

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Judith,

Your post was so beautiful and I could feel your energy and love in your words. What a blessing to still have your parents and be able to spend that time with them. Made me smile :-)

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