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Devoted to discussion pertaining to those issues which are specifically relevant to people under 45. Topics must have a specific perspective of people in this age group for it to be on topic.

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Financial stability

Mar 19th 2013 new

Not sure how to lead into this gently, so I'll just hop right in: I finally cleared bankruptcy in December of last year. Hoping that I could finally set down some real roots, I contacted a mortgage broker about getting pre-approval for a house. Unfortunately, because of the abuse of subprime loans - which were originally designed for cases such as mine - no lender will so much as glance in my direction for at least two more years.

I want to be a good provider. I want to be able to take care of whatever family God may grant me.

Should I put off searching for two more years until I can be the provider I feel that I should be? As I approach my 37th birthday, I worry more and more that I'm either not doing enough to find the woman God has chosen for me, or that I'm trying too hard, or that I'm looking in the wrong places. How can I know if I should be searching or not?

Mar 19th 2013 new

Hey Michael,


I don't see why the pursuit of relationship and the pursuit of financial stability can't go hand in hand. I think if you're waiting for some kind of absolute standard to begin either of these things, you may never start!!

Make sure you are truly seeking out stability, and not just some arbitrary goal of x amount of posessions or $ in the bank account. Stability means living within your paycheck. There's a reason subprime loans are outlawed - they imply an inability to pay now the price which your real estate is worth. Unless the price outstribs the rise in interest rates, you will be in trouble.


I like to believe that women, particularly Christian women, are more attracted to a man in control of what he has, then one who strives for that which he may not be able to afford ( even if it is for them ultimately).


Good luck - I hope you can start working on (and be successful at) both!!!

Mar 19th 2013 new

Michael, it seems as though you're in the right place and you have the right idea. You understand how important it is to be able to provide for a family, but please don't let that anxiety stop you from actually having the family. God will provide.

My father used to tell me a story from when he was newly married (with little money) with a growing family. He asked an older friend how much money he should save up before he has more children and his friend told him "If you wait to have more kids until you have enough money, you'll never actually have more kids." Part of life is the gamble. The leap of faith applies to all areas, but especially to family-planning. I encourage you to continue to search for a holy woman who will be a good mother. Don't delay looking for her because everything isn't perfect at the moment.

God bless you!

Mar 19th 2013 new

(Quote) Derek-947133 said: Michael, it seems as though you're in the right place and you have the right idea. You unders...
(Quote) Derek-947133 said:

Michael, it seems as though you're in the right place and you have the right idea. You understand how important it is to be able to provide for a family, but please don't let that anxiety stop you from actually having the family. God will provide.

My father used to tell me a story from when he was newly married (with little money) with a growing family. He asked an older friend how much money he should save up before he has more children and his friend told him "If you wait to have more kids until you have enough money, you'll never actually have more kids." Part of life is the gamble. The leap of faith applies to all areas, but especially to family-planning. I encourage you to continue to search for a holy woman who will be a good mother. Don't delay looking for her because everything isn't perfect at the moment.

God bless you!

--hide--


Thanks for sharing this Derek. sometimes i feel the same way. As a youth minister it is sometimes hard to even invision a day where i may be considered financially stable but then this reminds me that I should not let fear keep me from a)doing what i love and what i feel God is calling me to do b)stop me for thinking that my that all my problems will be solved it i had a "real" job. God will provide as long as i am open to His desires for me.

Mar 20th 2013 new

(Quote) Michael-844020 said: Not sure how to lead into this gently, so I'll just hop right in: I finally cleared bankrup...
(Quote) Michael-844020 said:

Not sure how to lead into this gently, so I'll just hop right in: I finally cleared bankruptcy in December of last year. Hoping that I could finally set down some real roots, I contacted a mortgage broker about getting pre-approval for a house. Unfortunately, because of the abuse of subprime loans - which were originally designed for cases such as mine - no lender will so much as glance in my direction for at least two more years.

I want to be a good provider. I want to be able to take care of whatever family God may grant me.

Should I put off searching for two more years until I can be the provider I feel that I should be? As I approach my 37th birthday, I worry more and more that I'm either not doing enough to find the woman God has chosen for me, or that I'm trying too hard, or that I'm looking in the wrong places. How can I know if I should be searching or not?

--hide--

Hi Michael,

As long as your heart, mind and spirit are in the right place you should be looking. Your finances and career may never be prefect, so don't wait for that. As long as your emotionally stable and in decent financial shape and wanting to date you should go for it.

Mar 20th 2013 new

While I don't think a person's finanical status is anyone else's business in the really early days of the relationship, as long as you're upfront once things look to be getting serious, I don't see a huge problem.

I mean, what if you were married and you ended up bankrupt? Would you quit the relationship because it wasn't "a good time"?

Whatever reason you ended up bankrupt, you're at this point now, no point holding off on seeking a relationship.

Mar 20th 2013 new

(Quote) Michael-844020 said: Not sure how to lead into this gently, so I'll just hop right in: I finally cleared bankrup...
(Quote) Michael-844020 said:

Not sure how to lead into this gently, so I'll just hop right in: I finally cleared bankruptcy in December of last year. Hoping that I could finally set down some real roots, I contacted a mortgage broker about getting pre-approval for a house. Unfortunately, because of the abuse of subprime loans - which were originally designed for cases such as mine - no lender will so much as glance in my direction for at least two more years.

I want to be a good provider. I want to be able to take care of whatever family God may grant me.

Should I put off searching for two more years until I can be the provider I feel that I should be? As I approach my 37th birthday, I worry more and more that I'm either not doing enough to find the woman God has chosen for me, or that I'm trying too hard, or that I'm looking in the wrong places. How can I know if I should be searching or not?

--hide--



Mike,

I'm not in this age group (but barely out of it), so I'll offer my two cents here.

I think owning a home today and being financial stable will probably mean two completely different things. I think the correlation between the two evaporated in 2008 when the housing bubble burst; unfortunately, stability still hasn't returned to the housing market so I don't believ we have yet found the bottom of it.

Here in the NYC area I know QUITE a few people who don't own a home. Most of us know someone who bought a home at the market's high and are now underwater on the mortgage.

We are free to relocate as needed, either for a spouse or for a job.

We can all understand your interest in meeting someone; as far as why a home is necessary for your pursuit of a partner, well, that part eludes me.


Will

Mar 20th 2013 new

(Quote) Michael-844020 said: Not sure how to lead into this gently, so I'll just hop right in: I finally cleared bankrup...
(Quote) Michael-844020 said:

Not sure how to lead into this gently, so I'll just hop right in: I finally cleared bankruptcy in December of last year. Hoping that I could finally set down some real roots, I contacted a mortgage broker about getting pre-approval for a house. Unfortunately, because of the abuse of subprime loans - which were originally designed for cases such as mine - no lender will so much as glance in my direction for at least two more years.

I want to be a good provider. I want to be able to take care of whatever family God may grant me.

Should I put off searching for two more years until I can be the provider I feel that I should be? As I approach my 37th birthday, I worry more and more that I'm either not doing enough to find the woman God has chosen for me, or that I'm trying too hard, or that I'm looking in the wrong places. How can I know if I should be searching or not?

--hide--

All the best to you in moving forward on your romantic life and getting your act together financially. I DO take exception with your faulty logic about why you do not qualify for a mortgage. It's because of your own personal credit and track record. Even during the headiest days on the loosest mortgage qualifications, a recently discharged bankruptcy would like prevent you from obtaining a mortgage. Sheesh!

Sorry, I have a real problem with misinformation being posted. I hope you are now a student of Dave Ramsey. Yes, ultimately, home ownership is the goal. Although you are years away from it, you don't want to go into your retirement with a housing payment.

Even if you met the woman of your dreams today, the courtship would take some time. It's likely that you could qualify for a mortgage shortly after walking down the aisle. Get busy with both!

Mar 20th 2013 new

(Quote) William-607613 said:I think owning a home today and being financial stable will probably mean two completely different thin...
(Quote) William-607613 said:I think owning a home today and being financial stable will probably mean two completely different things.

--hide--
clap clap clap

Mar 20th 2013 new

Bad news: Women want someone who is "financially stable" ... or at least someone who can buy his own dinner and won't saddle her with any debts.

Good news: It takes TIME to develop relationships. If you met a gal today who was your type, by the time you knew each other well enough to think about marriage, you'd be on your feet again. So don't hold back!

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