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Devoted to discussion pertaining to those issues which are specifically relevant to people 45+. Topics must have a specific perspective of people in this age group for it to be on topic.

The story of Abraham and Sarah is told in chapters 11-25 of the book of Genesis.
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I currently have a thread going in the women's forum, but would appreciate hearing a man't point of view. I had exchanged (at current count) 32 messages with a man, had about 4 phone calls which added up to 9 hours of conversation, he was talking about coming up to Chicago to meet me in early April, we seem to be very compatible in terms of attraction, intelligence, professions, Catholic devotion, age, wanting to get married, etc. Monday night I found out that he has gone on 6 dates with a woman who has told him that she is not ready for a committment and is, in fact, interested in someone from another continent. And, today, he told me that he has not stopped dating her. So, I told him that I am not willing to meet someone who is currrently dating someone, but if he does at some point end the relationship, he can send me an email message (as he has my private email address and phone number, and if I am available, we can discuss meeting. I also told him that I am in conversation with 2 other gentlemen (which is indeed true). I just don't want to play these dating games anymore. My preference is to meet someone and see if there is any interest on both parts to pursue a relationship, and then, if not, to then move on to someone else. I truly don't understand this dating and meeting multiple women as he is also apparently conversing with and meeting other women (and, he is relatively new to CM). He states that the women he is talking to (in their 50's and early 60's all say that they are meeting and dating several people which I truly find hard to believe, and that I am the only one that is unwilling to meet someone who is dating someone currently (6 times plus) and apparently physically intimate (at least more than hugging and a kiss on the cheek from what he told me!).

I would love to hear what men have to say about this, and also what women in their 50's and 60's have to say about this.

It won't change what I do. I will not meet someone who is currently dating someone.

 

Thanks in advance for any/all of your input. I am somewhat upset by all this, as I didn't realize that I had to ask someone directly if they were dating/ in a relationship if they approached me, exchanged 32 messages with me, spent 9 hours on the phone with me (in great conversation, by the way), and wanted to come to Chicago to meet me (living far enough away to have to fly or have a very long drive/train ride!) I am also sad about this, as I truly thought this was the right guy for me!

 

 

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03/20/2013 new

(Quote) Patricia-29176 said: I currently have a thread going in the women's forum, but would appreciate hearing a man't poi...
(Quote) Patricia-29176 said:

I currently have a thread going in the women's forum, but would appreciate hearing a man't point of view. I had exchanged (at current count) 32 messages with a man, had about 4 phone calls which added up to 9 hours of conversation, he was talking about coming up to Chicago to meet me in early April, we seem to be very compatible in terms of attraction, intelligence, professions, Catholic devotion, age, wanting to get married, etc. Monday night I found out that he has gone on 6 dates with a woman who has told him that she is not ready for a committment and is, in fact, interested in someone from another continent. And, today, he told me that he has not stopped dating her. So, I told him that I am not willing to meet someone who is currrently dating someone, but if he does at some point end the relationship, he can send me an email message (as he has my private email address and phone number, and if I am available, we can discuss meeting. I also told him that I am in conversation with 2 other gentlemen (which is indeed true). I just don't want to play these dating games anymore. My preference is to meet someone and see if there is any interest on both parts to pursue a relationship, and then, if not, to then move on to someone else. I truly don't understand this dating and meeting multiple women as he is also apparently conversing with and meeting other women (and, he is relatively new to CM). He states that the women he is talking to (in their 50's and early 60's all say that they are meeting and dating several people which I truly find hard to believe, and that I am the only one that is unwilling to meet someone who is dating someone currently (6 times plus) and apparently physically intimate (at least more than hugging and a kiss on the cheek from what he told me!).

I would love to hear what men have to say about this, and also what women in their 50's and 60's have to say about this.

It won't change what I do. I will not meet someone who is currently dating someone.

 

Thanks in advance for any/all of your input. I am somewhat upset by all this, as I didn't realize that I had to ask someone directly if they were dating/ in a relationship if they approached me, exchanged 32 messages with me, spent 9 hours on the phone with me (in great conversation, by the way), and wanted to come to Chicago to meet me (living far enough away to have to fly or have a very long drive/train ride!) I am also sad about this, as I truly thought this was the right guy for me!

 

 

--hide--
Tricia: Nobody should change you or anybody else; at least durin one conversation he was honest (at least i think he was) if you two chat again; ask him (again) if hes still dating then you have to decide (right then and there) what YOU want; Glad you two are honest with each other; No you can't change people at our age; only be up front & honest with each other; and Were all to old to play games!

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03/21/2013 new

(Quote) Mike-646924 said: Tricia: Nobody should change you or anybody else; at least durin one conversation he was honest (a...
(Quote) Mike-646924 said:

Tricia: Nobody should change you or anybody else; at least durin one conversation he was honest (at least i think he was) if you two chat again; ask him (again) if hes still dating then you have to decide (right then and there) what YOU want; Glad you two are honest with each other; No you can't change people at our age; only be up front & honest with each other; and Were all to old to play games!

--hide--

Thanks, Mike, for stepping up to the plate and giving an opinion here! I already told him that I am not interested in meeting him unless he ends the dating relationship that he is in. At that point, I told him that he could email me, and we would discuss whether we should meet. I'm not willing to compromise on this. And, I told him over and over, that if he even had 1% interest in the person he was dating, that he should pursue it before moving on to someone else (whether it was me or somebody else).

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03/21/2013 new
Patricia, he sounds silly. What is he trying to figure out by dating all these people. Maybe it is his own insecurity and ego that needs to be inflated by getting these women
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03/21/2013 new

(Quote) Patty-361409 said: Patricia, he sounds silly. What is he trying to figure out by dating all these people. Maybe it is his o...
(Quote) Patty-361409 said: Patricia, he sounds silly. What is he trying to figure out by dating all these people. Maybe it is his own insecurity and ego that needs to be inflated by getting these women
--hide--

I wish I knew. All I can say that he is relatively new to the dating world after a length marriage. Perhaps he is just naive? He kept telling me that he is looking for someone to marry.

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03/21/2013 new

(Quote) Patricia-29176 said:...he is relatively new to the dating world after a length marriage. ... He kept telling me that he is ...
(Quote) Patricia-29176 said:...he is relatively new to the dating world after a length marriage. ... He kept telling me that he is looking for someone to marry.

--hide--
He's the proverbial kid in the candy store. hyper
He thinks he wants someone to marry because he noticed his bed is cold.
Give him time...it's never great to be the first relationship after the old one ended.

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03/21/2013 new

(Quote) Marge-938695 said: He's the proverbial kid in the candy store. He thinks he wants someone to marry because h...
(Quote) Marge-938695 said:

He's the proverbial kid in the candy store.
He thinks he wants someone to marry because he noticed his bed is cold.
Give him time...it's never great to be the first relationship after the old one ended.

--hide--

Oh, Marge, I so agree with you and have always avoided dating newly divorced or newly widowed men (especially after I broke that rule once, and truly had my heart broken!). In this case, I believed what he said rather than sticking to my rule (my mistake). It didn't help that he told me that both his priest and his counselor had approved of his starting dating last October (and I do believe he was telling me the truth about this!)

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03/21/2013 new

Patricia

As long as he is paying his own way and you are meeting in public places, what is the harm? Long distance romances are a drag, to say the least. It sounds as if you two have been building a friendship first, though it is a cyber-friendship and you have never really met. You two are still getting to know each other.

She is local but unavailable emotionally; no need to be afraid of her. You are available emotionally through conversation, but unavailable in person. Meet the man, continue the conversation, but don't put too much pressure on yourself or on him yet. Enjoy each other's company and see if the cyber-friendship survives a face-to-face meeting! Long term, will happen if it was meant to happen and the time thing is all you have invested.

Since my divorce I have made several lady friends nearby but still converse with other women on CM, email and FaceBook. Chances are I will never meet you or any of the women on CM more than 100 miles from Wichita, KS. And that is ok. As long as we all recognize that these cyber friendships are what they are; long distance friendships and not necessarily anything more.

Good luck and have fun!

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03/21/2013 new

(Quote) Jerry-928087 said: Patricia As long as he is paying his own way and you are meeting in public places, what ...
(Quote) Jerry-928087 said:

Patricia

As long as he is paying his own way and you are meeting in public places, what is the harm? Long distance romances are a drag, to say the least. It sounds as if you two have been building a friendship first, though it is a cyber-friendship and you have never really met. You two are still getting to know each other.

She is local but unavailable emotionally; no need to be afraid of her. You are available emotionally through conversation, but unavailable in person. Meet the man, continue the conversation, but don't put too much pressure on yourself or on him yet. Enjoy each other's company and see if the cyber-friendship survives a face-to-face meeting! Long term, will happen if it was meant to happen and the time thing is all you have invested.

Since my divorce I have made several lady friends nearby but still converse with other women on CM, email and FaceBook. Chances are I will never meet you or any of the women on CM more than 100 miles from Wichita, KS. And that is ok. As long as we all recognize that these cyber friendships are what they are; long distance friendships and not necessarily anything more.

Good luck and have fun!

--hide--

I would disagree with you. I had a very serious long-distance relationship (he lived in California) that lasted a year and a half and there was definitely talk of marriage. It ended for other reasons (he had never gotten over his wife leaving him after 23 years or so), but it was a good relationship. And, I do not have any problem with an LDR as I am retired and quite capable of moving.

I would also disagree with you that all I have is invested is time. No, I have invested my heart and my feelings. I do not continue talking to a gentleman by phone unless I am interested. Otherwise I either never talk to the person by phone or I end the ongoing conversation after one phone call. I am not looking for male friends and my profile states that quite clearly. Likewise he is not looking for female friends and his profile states that quite clearly. We are both looking for someone to marry.

And, believe me I am not afraid of any woman. But, I will not waste my time nor endanger my heart by getting to know someone further who continues to date someone who does not care for him. At the least, it shows poor judgement or naivete on his part. (I guess he will learn that).


I appreciate your responding here, but do find your attitude a bit cavalier. I don't think these women are for the most part looking for casual friendships, and unless you are being very upfront about that, you may be doing them a disservice. I don't want cyber friendships. I live in the real world and work on developing real world friendships and have succeeded in doing that with women. As for men, I have found that men do not really want friendships with women, because as soon as they find a woman to be in a relationship with or marry, those former friendships get tossed down the drain!

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03/21/2013 new

I see it as a case of two people with differing dating views/styles. What works for you or is preferable for you is not his preferred way. I'm thinking that maybe learning of this difference was a shock and a disappointment, because those long conversations were so pleasing and there seemed to be compatibility in a number of areas. Maybe some expectations started to form...and learning you were not singular in his interest felt hurtful! hug

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