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Devoted to discussion pertaining to those issues which are specifically relevant to people 45+. Topics must have a specific perspective of people in this age group for it to be on topic.

The story of Abraham and Sarah is told in chapters 11-25 of the book of Genesis.
Learn More:Abraham & Sarah

Mar 22nd 2013 new

Okay, so as I am sitting at my computer here just finishing typing in these past remarks, I have the news on TV and their guest is a dating coach for men. He has 5 tips (which they spend a total of about 5 minutes on). I didn't catch his name, but I think his tips are good.

So, for you men, I wrote these down (and, they are specifically aimed at MEN)

1)STOP judging yourself (in other words, stop thinking that you're not good enough, not rich enough, not educated enough, etc.)

2)You need to feel WORTHY (in other words, don't idealize the woman or put her on a pedestal so that you think she is too good for you)

3)Pick a good DATE (in other words, a restaurant you're comfortable in or a setting that you like and know about)

4)LISTEN, don't try to read minds (in other words, don't assume you know what the woman is thinking, ask her questions, and listen to her)

5)MAKE A MOVE (in other words, don't be passive (this is not referring to sexual manoeuvers here, it is referring to asking the woman out, making the phone call to her, asking her out for a second date, sending her the email message, ie., be confident enought to pursue the woman you want)

I think these 5 dating tips for men are excellent! So, I would suggest that the CM men read them, remember them, and IMPLEMENT them!

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Mar 22nd 2013 new

(Quote) John-842063 said: Chelle- would you mind starting a thread on Teepee hugs? Unless you would ratherI steal yo...
(Quote) John-842063 said:


Chelle- would you mind starting a thread on Teepee hugs? Unless you would rather
I steal your idea and start onemyself?
JB

--hide--


Feel free to steal my idea, John (you can or cannot give me credit!)!! wink I was thinking about starting a thread on divine connections! Chelle

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Mar 22nd 2013 new
(Quote) Patricia-29176 said: Thank you! This brings up an interesting dilemma that I encounter fairly reg...
(Quote) Patricia-29176 said:





Thank you! This brings up an interesting dilemma that I encounter fairly regularly. How does one find out someone's religion ?



It seems to be rude in the current culture to out and out ask it.



In the course of my conversation with him, I told him that I had taught before becoming a physician. He asked where. I told him at the Cathedral high school. At which point he smiled! I was then going to say, oh are you Catholic, but the speaker so inopportunely continued his remarks (which he would stop and start as various food courses were brought in), so the one opportunity (which is more than I usually have) was gone. I couldn't bring it up again as it would have seemed artificial. I also mentioned later in the evening that I was thinking about doing a particular volunteer activity (which was obviously Catholic), but this did not solicit any particular response on his part.



I don't think it works in this kind of setting to ask someone their religion nor to say well, I am a devout Catholic (unless someone is haranguing me about voting for Obama in which case I said that I am pro-life and I am a devout Catholic and would you believe they still didn't stop but started talking to me about the death penalty and war, etc. - okay I'm off the point - Obama does that to me, sorry).



Anyway, if you or anyone here has a way to find out upfront if someone is Catholic ( and not in a church setting, but out in the "real" secular world), I would love to hear it! Help!!!

--hide--


I'm afraid I don't have a good answer to that dilemma. I was going to suggest that you simply mention at an appropriate point in the conversation something that reflects your Catholicism, such as volunteer activities that you're involved in. However, you've already done that. I agree that one shouldn't just ask someone, out of context, about their religion. One hopeful sign might be that he didn't jump up and move to another seat when you alluded to your Catholicism. The fact that he didn't respond one way or the other to your comments may indicate that he's not Catholic. For me, I would very much prefer a ralationship with a woman who is a devout Catholic, but I wouldn't turn away from a woman who was truly devout but not Catholic. From your comments, though, I know that you don't share that view (at least not at this stage of your life). Anyway, if you're able to continue your conversation with this man and if he asks you out at some point (even for a casual get-together) I think it would be fine to bring up the subject during the course of the date..
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Mar 22nd 2013 new

(Quote) Rachel-731570 said: Donna -- your new profile picture is great! Beautiful, happy, joyful, open, ready for fun! I hope it sp...
(Quote) Rachel-731570 said: Donna -- your new profile picture is great! Beautiful, happy, joyful, open, ready for fun! I hope it spurs some men to take the innitiative and get to know you!
--hide--



Yes, Donna, the new picture is fantastic! (I was thinking it Rachel; I'm glad you said it!) clap Chelle

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Mar 22nd 2013 new

(Quote) Patricia-29176 said: Okay, so as I am sitting at my computer here just finishing typing in these past remarks, I hav...
(Quote) Patricia-29176 said:

Okay, so as I am sitting at my computer here just finishing typing in these past remarks, I have the news on TV and their guest is a dating coach for men. He has 5 tips (which they spend a total of about 5 minutes on). I didn't catch his name, but I think his tips are good.

So, for you men, I wrote these down (and, they are specifically aimed at MEN)

1)STOP judging yourself (in other words, stop thinking that you're not good enough, not rich enough, not educated enough, etc.)

2)You need to feel WORTHY (in other words, don't idealize the woman or put her on a pedestal so that you think she is too good for you)

3)Pick a good DATE (in other words, a restaurant you're comfortable in or a setting that you like and know about)

4)LISTEN, don't try to read minds (in other words, don't assume you know what the woman is thinking, ask her questions, and listen to her)

5)MAKE A MOVE (in other words, don't be passive (this is not referring to sexual manoeuvers here, it is referring to asking the woman out, making the phone call to her, asking her out for a second date, sending her the email message, ie., be confident enought to pursue the woman you want)

I think these 5 dating tips for men are excellent! So, I would suggest that the CM men read them, remember them, and IMPLEMENT them!

--hide--


Hi Patricia! A very good new thread worthy post!! smile Chelle

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Mar 22nd 2013 new

Re finding out if someone is Catholic, I would wear religious medals prominently (miraculous medal, crucifix cross) and mention "oh, I was just at Holy Name for mass before coming over, and...(fill in some fact of something you saw, etc.) Or bring a newspaper, that has Pope Francis pictured, be looking at it, and ask "did you follow the election of the new pope? What do you think of him?" That should ferret out the information!

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Mar 22nd 2013 new

See him.

I know it sounds terrible, but think about something.

The people in this world that will marry and can marry are going to be dating. If they are not dating and they are over 21 then they may have issues and quite likely will never marry, or if they do they might have a strange marriage. When I met my wife she had a male friend, I had a girlfriend. I don't know exactly what her relationship was with her male friend, I never asked. I know what my relationship was with my girlfriend, we dated for a couple of years.

As I recall my wife kissed me. That was the end of my relationship with my girlfriend. She still talked to her male friend. I met him. He understood that his friend now had a boyfriend.

If you want someone to be honest with you, you have to be ready to accept the truth. I don't ask a woman if she is seeing someone else. I can tell. If she is seeing someone else I don't care. I don't care if she is having sex with him and sleeping with him every night. I do care if she is married. I have the don't ask philosophy. The past is the past and the past is 5 minutes ago. Judge the person, and the relationship on what has happened between you and what you are going to do in the future.

Yes, you can get hurt. Best just deal with it. No way to avoid it.Stop thinking you are not competing with other women. Ladies, I assure you, you are. Patricia, you look very nice in your picture. If you didn't care about competition why go to all the trouble to look so good? Pat, my wife, competed with Theresa, my girlfriend, and won. Wasn't much of a competition either. Maybe if we are dating we should conduct ourselves so that our date can meet our future wife without embarrassment.

You state you are in conversation with several men. How do you know how you affect them? Maybe they are head over heels in love with you. You cannot be responsible for how others feel, you can only be responsible for yourself.

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Mar 22nd 2013 new

(Quote) Brad-937504 said: I'm afraid I don't have a good answer to that dilemma. I was going to suggest that you si...
(Quote) Brad-937504 said:

I'm afraid I don't have a good answer to that dilemma. I was going to suggest that you simply mention at an appropriate point in the conversation something that reflects your Catholicism, such as volunteer activities that you're involved in. However, you've already done that. I agree that one shouldn't just ask someone, out of context, about their religion. One hopeful sign might be that he didn't jump up and move to another seat when you alluded to your Catholicism. The fact that he didn't respond one way or the other to your comments may indicate that he's not Catholic. For me, I would very much prefer a ralationship with a woman who is a devout Catholic, but I wouldn't turn away from a woman who was truly devout but not Catholic. From your comments, though, I know that you don't share that view (at least not at this stage of your life). Anyway, if you're able to continue your conversation with this man and if he asks you out at some point (even for a casual get-together) I think it would be fine to bring up the subject during the course of the date..
--hide--

At this point,Brad, I really want a devout Catholic because I am one and it's the whole "equally yoked" idea stated in the Bible.

My husband was Lutheran and we were not equally yoked and so did not go to church (please remember we got married right out of college) and honestly, I think that was part of the reason that the marriage fell apart ( he had an affair when we were married just short of 9 years and told me on our ninth wedding anniversary, and he left our home. Interestingly enough, he also ended the affair the same week. We did go to marriage counselling, but he didn't participate and eventually the therapist told him to either get in the game (so to speak) or get out which he did, but not in a bad way. He was always civil, even visited my mother who was seriously ill (in fact, dying at the time), and so the marriage ended on "relatively good" terms - no bad divorce, so I have no hard feelings toward him.) That said, I wonder if we had both been going to church, whether it would have ended as it did - and, honestly, I doubt it. So, I am just as much to blame in what happened by not being a faithful Catholic.

I have been on a profoundly spiritual/mystical Catholic path since Christmas of 2000, and so I doubt that anyone who is not Catholic and not devoutly Catholic would be able to relate to me or understand my spiritual path. My home has crucifixes, statues of Mary and some saints, and holy water (in small containers) all over the place. What Protestant would get that?! And, I have absolutely nothing against Protestants as my father was Lutheran and in fact came from a devout Lutheran family (up north), but (and this is a big but), from the time he married my Catholic mother he went to Catholic Mass with her every week, sent me to Catholic school, donated a lot of money to help them build a new Catholic church, would drive me to Confession every 2 weeks (because that is what we did in the early 60's), and is buried in a Catholic cemetery next to my mother. He never officially converted, but I don't think she ever asked him to. I am absolutely positive he is in Heaven with my mom.

So, yes, I not only need a Catholic, but either a devout Catholic man or one who is able to accept and support me in being devout Catholic. My role is going to be help him get to Heaven and his role is going to be to help me get to Heaven. That is the most important thing we can do for someone we love!

So, still looking for that needle in the haystack - a good, devout Catholic man!

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Mar 22nd 2013 new

(Quote) Pat-5351 said: Re finding out if someone is Catholic, I would wear religious medals prominently (miraculous medal, c...
(Quote) Pat-5351 said:

Re finding out if someone is Catholic, I would wear religious medals prominently (miraculous medal, crucifix cross) and mention "oh, I was just at Holy Name for mass before coming over, and...(fill in some fact of something you saw, etc.) Or bring a newspaper, that has Pope Francis pictured, be looking at it, and ask "did you follow the election of the new pope? What do you think of him?" That should ferret out the information!

--hide--

Great suggestions, Pat, and I've done some of these - particularly because I am going to these dinners right after the 5:15 Mass at the Cathedral. And, I used to wear a cross regularly, I guess it's time to reinstitute that!

Great idea to bring up our new Pope Francis, - any comments about him should turn out to be very revealing!

LOCKED
Mar 22nd 2013 new

(Quote) Lawrence-943343 said: See him. I know it sounds terrible, but think about something.
(Quote) Lawrence-943343 said:

See him.

I know it sounds terrible, but think about something.

The people in this world that will marry and can marry are going to be dating. If they are not dating and they are over 21 then they may have issues and quite likely will never marry, or if they do they might have a strange marriage. When I met my wife she had a male friend, I had a girlfriend. I don't know exactly what her relationship was with her male friend, I never asked. I know what my relationship was with my girlfriend, we dated for a couple of years.

As I recall my wife kissed me. That was the end of my relationship with my girlfriend. She still talked to her male friend. I met him. He understood that his friend now had a boyfriend.

If you want someone to be honest with you, you have to be ready to accept the truth. I don't ask a woman if she is seeing someone else. I can tell. If she is seeing someone else I don't care. I don't care if she is having sex with him and sleeping with him every night. I do care if she is married. I have the don't ask philosophy. The past is the past and the past is 5 minutes ago. Judge the person, and the relationship on what has happened between you and what you are going to do in the future.

Yes, you can get hurt. Best just deal with it. No way to avoid it.Stop thinking you are not competing with other women. Ladies, I assure you, you are. Patricia, you look very nice in your picture. If you didn't care about competition why go to all the trouble to look so good? Pat, my wife, competed with Theresa, my girlfriend, and won. Wasn't much of a competition either. Maybe if we are dating we should conduct ourselves so that our date can meet our future wife without embarrassment.

You state you are in conversation with several men. How do you know how you affect them? Maybe they are head over heels in love with you. You cannot be responsible for how others feel, you can only be responsible for yourself.

--hide--

I agree with some things you say, but seriously disagree with others. I will not meet someone who is in a dating relationship with someone (meaning the 6 dates which are including physical intimacy - what he volunteered to me is that he wasn't having intercourse). It is quite simple for him to stop dating this person and why wouldn't he if she is unwilling to commit to him and is in fact interested in another continent. There really is only one answer to that - he wants to have his cake and it eat too. Why not continue to get his emotional/physical needs met until he can find someone else since most women will go along with that? Well, NOT me. I am not most women. I know what I want. And, if he isn't willing to end a relationship that is going nowhere, why would I want to meet him. And, to bring up another point, why is he having an unchaste sexual relationship with someone who he is "just" dating? Really?! If someone is doing anything more than hugging and/or kiss on the cheek or peck on the lips, then that person is in a relationship and should either NOT be looking for someone else or should GET OUT of that relationship before looking for someone else. I had no problem when he told me that he was talking and meeting other women (meaning 1-2 meetings before ruling them out), but a physically intimate relationship is another story.

I do care if someone is having sex with someone, as that shows me that he is NOT being chaste and so not in a state of grace with God and most likely will not want to be in a state of grace while he is dating me! I am not willing to consummate a relationship before marriage - I don't want to be in a state of mortal sin ever again - not even for one minute and I won't do anything that will cause that to happen! Now, this takes tremendous prayer, self-control, courage and persistance (because many men will walk away from this). I don't care. My relationship with God comes first and I want it to come first with the man who will become my husband.

And, if someone is head over heels in love with me, then I would suggest that he might want to send his phone number or ask if we could meet, as I am not a mind-reader!

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