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Devoted to discussion pertaining to those issues which are specifically relevant to people 45+. Topics must have a specific perspective of people in this age group for it to be on topic.

The story of Abraham and Sarah is told in chapters 11-25 of the book of Genesis.
Learn More:Abraham & Sarah

Mar 22nd 2013 new

(Quote) Patricia-29176 said: (Quote) John-842063 said: I can talk for hours with a womanI can...
(Quote) Patricia-29176 said:

Quote:
John-842063 said:


I can talk for hours with a woman
I can do travel, friendship, kinky,
boring, but not really hilarious nor
exciting ina conversation and I admit
I still have communication issues,
some of which have nothing to do
with ME.
On the other hand EVERYONE has
issues, I am of the opinion that a
counselor would hear the should word
and point back to the person who uses it;
I guess I qualify, and I am wondering
if I come across more as a Linus or
as a Lucy(not Charlie Brown)


I do think everyone has or had issues. But, what I have found is that women tend to make an effort to work on them, whether it be going to a therapist for some counselling to figure out what they are doing wrong, reading spiritual/self-help books, taking classes to diversify their lives, going on a diet to lose some weight, going to the hair salon to get a better hairstyle, etc. As you can see some of these are trivial, but some of them are serious. Men just seem to be really resistant to going to a therapist, and yet it is an invaluable experience and usually improves a person's life if they ACTIVELY participate in it. I knew one man (ex-military) who had serious PTSD. I met him twice (for two weekends because he was from out-of-state), but once I figured out the PTSD (and he would cry a lot because of it), I suggested counselling. He said no, he didn't need it. So, that was the end of it for me! He lost out because he wasn't willing to do what he needed to do to improve his life!

--hide--


Most of us can find something to work on. It is too bad that this guy refused to get help. Most people are not well informed about how counseling can help. Women are willing to work from what I can see also. I think many persons cannot imagine how an improvement might feel or might come about or if it can happen at all.

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Mar 22nd 2013 new

(Quote) Brad-937504 said: ...I wasn't suggesting that you call him to ask him out,...
(Quote) Brad-937504 said: ...I wasn't suggesting that you call him to ask him out,...
--hide--
why not?

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Mar 22nd 2013 new

In a nutshell, get off the computer and out of the starting gate!

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Mar 22nd 2013 new

(Quote) Pat-5351 said:... I would wear religious medals prominently (miraculous medal, crucifix cross)...
(Quote) Pat-5351 said:... I would wear religious medals prominently (miraculous medal, crucifix cross)...
--hide--
My daughter attends Brandeis University, which is 60% practicing Jews. She wears a crucifix, but people always assume that she's Jewish - including one fellow who tried to argue with her when she said she was Catholic! wide eyed

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Mar 22nd 2013 new
(Quote) Marge-938695 said: why not?
(Quote) Marge-938695 said:

why not?

--hide--


I'm not saying that I wouldn't (if I were a woman); just that Patricia indicated that she doesn't believe it would be right for her to do that.
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Mar 22nd 2013 new

We must allow both ourselves and others to date. We must overlook the fact that the people we are going to meet on this site have been physically intimate with another. Maybe the person was only ever physically intimate with a dead spouse, or maybe they were intimate with the football team. The important part is were. How do they behave around you? Is there a statute of limitations? If you had sex with someone 20 years ago is it ok if you pursue a relationship? How about 20 days ago? What is the number? There isn't one.

To be fair, you have invested almost nothing with this guy. A few hours. Small price. You really don't have a relationship with him and you really never did. I've spent more time in the last couple of days talking on the phone to someone about business than you have spent talking to this guy. After 6 dates I expect some level of physical intimacy. Not intercourse, not getting naked but kissing, holding each other and being alone together. Sorry, but you have never met him. You just cannot get all worked up over someone you haven't met.

He is willing to meet you, or he was. Why not see him as a good person. He went out with a woman who has fallen for a guy that is not really available, this translates that she is not into him, forget the other guy, and didn't have sex with her. Maybe that is why she is not interested in him, because he is a good guy and she wanted sex. That is likely. My experience supports this theory. I've been dumped because I didn't have sex. You think it is just men?

For a man, or woman, to get out of a dating relationship what do you do? You cannot get a divorce, there is no ring to give back. If you are not living together you cannot move out. You should assume everybody you meet is seeing someone. Just like I assume you are. You have admitted to corresponding with a couple of men. You have to ask, what constitutes a relationship? If you were married and you were emailing guys on CM that would be wrong. I'd expect that if we met and liked one another we both would make it very clear that we were in a relationship. Personally, I would quit CM. If I were in a relationship then for me, there would be no CM. Would you respect me enough to cancel you membership?

A very good way for you to judge how much a man loves you is if he respects your desires. You also need to respect his.

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Mar 22nd 2013 new

(Quote) Patricia-29176 said: I currently have a thread going in the women's forum, but would appreciate hearing a man...
(Quote) Patricia-29176 said:

I currently have a thread going in the women's forum, but would appreciate hearing a man't point of view. I had exchanged (at current count) 32 messages with a man, had about 4 phone calls which added up to 9 hours of conversation, he was talking about coming up to Chicago to meet me in early April, we seem to be very compatible in terms of attraction, intelligence, professions, Catholic devotion, age, wanting to get married, etc. Monday night I found out that he has gone on 6 dates with a woman who has told him that she is not ready for a committment and is, in fact, interested in someone from another continent. And, today, he told me that he has not stopped dating her. So, I told him that I am not willing to meet someone who is currrently dating someone, but if he does at some point end the relationship, he can send me an email message (as he has my private email address and phone number, and if I am available, we can discuss meeting. I also told him that I am in conversation with 2 other gentlemen (which is indeed true). I just don't want to play these dating games anymore. My preference is to meet someone and see if there is any interest on both parts to pursue a relationship, and then, if not, to then move on to someone else. I truly don't understand this dating and meeting multiple women as he is also apparently conversing with and meeting other women (and, he is relatively new to CM). He states that the women he is talking to (in their 50's and early 60's all say that they are meeting and dating several people which I truly find hard to believe, and that I am the only one that is unwilling to meet someone who is dating someone currently (6 times plus) and apparently physically intimate (at least more than hugging and a kiss on the cheek from what he told me!).

I would love to hear what men have to say about this, and also what women in their 50's and 60's have to say about this.

It won't change what I do. I will not meet someone who is currently dating someone.

Thanks in advance for any/all of your input. I am somewhat upset by all this, as I didn't realize that I had to ask someone directly if they were dating/ in a relationship if they approached me, exchanged 32 messages with me, spent 9 hours on the phone with me (in great conversation, by the way), and wanted to come to Chicago to meet me (living far enough away to have to fly or have a very long drive/train ride!) I am also sad about this, as I truly thought this was the right guy for me!

--hide--
Well, I'm not in the age range, but I totally agree with you. I haven't been in the pinky's room in a long time, so I'll participate here. As soon as a guy tells me that he is seeing someone else, I end conversation, so he can concentrate on that person. I may communicate with more than one person,but I have never dated more than one person at a time. I also don't believe in men and women who are in a relationship being friends with the opposite sex because things happen that way sometimes, and I think that energy should be devoted to one's partner....but, hey that's just me.

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Mar 22nd 2013 new

(Quote) Patricia-29176 said: I currently have a thread going in the women's forum, but would appreciate hearing a man...
(Quote) Patricia-29176 said:

I currently have a thread going in the women's forum, but would appreciate hearing a man't point of view. I had exchanged (at current count) 32 messages with a man, had about 4 phone calls which added up to 9 hours of conversation, he was talking about coming up to Chicago to meet me in early April, we seem to be very compatible in terms of attraction, intelligence, professions, Catholic devotion, age, wanting to get married, etc. Monday night I found out that he has gone on 6 dates with a woman who has told him that she is not ready for a committment and is, in fact, interested in someone from another continent. And, today, he told me that he has not stopped dating her. So, I told him that I am not willing to meet someone who is currrently dating someone, but if he does at some point end the relationship, he can send me an email message (as he has my private email address and phone number, and if I am available, we can discuss meeting. I also told him that I am in conversation with 2 other gentlemen (which is indeed true). I just don't want to play these dating games anymore. My preference is to meet someone and see if there is any interest on both parts to pursue a relationship, and then, if not, to then move on to someone else. I truly don't understand this dating and meeting multiple women as he is also apparently conversing with and meeting other women (and, he is relatively new to CM). He states that the women he is talking to (in their 50's and early 60's all say that they are meeting and dating several people which I truly find hard to believe, and that I am the only one that is unwilling to meet someone who is dating someone currently (6 times plus) and apparently physically intimate (at least more than hugging and a kiss on the cheek from what he told me!).

I would love to hear what men have to say about this, and also what women in their 50's and 60's have to say about this.

It won't change what I do. I will not meet someone who is currently dating someone.

Thanks in advance for any/all of your input. I am somewhat upset by all this, as I didn't realize that I had to ask someone directly if they were dating/ in a relationship if they approached me, exchanged 32 messages with me, spent 9 hours on the phone with me (in great conversation, by the way), and wanted to come to Chicago to meet me (living far enough away to have to fly or have a very long drive/train ride!) I am also sad about this, as I truly thought this was the right guy for me!

--hide--



I am going to be called judgmental for writing this but you are much better off having nothing to do with that man. The message is "you are special, I want to get to know you better etc but there are plenty of other fish in the ocean." Apart from adopting decent standards of behaviour I would find it too time consuming to be stringing 5-6 women along at one time faint .

It is very easy to manage outgoing emails so you can easily correspond with / interact with one person at a time on CM. When you feel it is time to contact someone else it is clearly time to end contact with the person who you feel is not compatible. Telling multiple people that you are interested in them is in poor taste in my humble opinion. Re inbound emails, you can always reply that you are currently in contact with someone and out of respect to the writer that you do not wish to correspond but will contact them if circumstances change. I would be much more appreciative of a message like that rather than being added to a list of 4-5 other guys.

I have actually written in my profile that I am only interested in the one on one correspondence. I don't know whether this is offputting but it is at least transparent.

Forget about that guy and move on. There are plenty of others with different standards.













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Mar 22nd 2013 new

(Quote) Gabor-19025 said: I am going to be called judgmental for writing this but you are much better off having...
(Quote) Gabor-19025 said:




I am going to be called judgmental for writing this but you are much better off having nothing to do with that man. The message is "you are special, I want to get to know you better etc but there are plenty of other fish in the ocean." Apart from adopting decent standards of behaviour I would find it too time consuming to be stringing 5-6 women along at one time .

It is very easy to manage outgoing emails so you can easily correspond with / interact with one person at a time on CM. When you feel it is time to contact someone else it is clearly time to end contact with the person who you feel is not compatible. Telling multiple people that you are interested in them is in poor taste in my humble opinion. Re inbound emails, you can always reply that you are currently in contact with someone and out of respect to the writer that you do not wish to correspond but will contact them if circumstances change. I would be much more appreciative of a message like that rather than being added to a list of 4-5 other guys.

I have actually written in my profile that I am only interested in the one on one correspondence. I don't know whether this is offputting but it is at least transparent.

Forget about that guy and move on. There are plenty of others with different standards.













--hide--

I agreee with you, Gabor, and thank you for weighing in on this! He contacted me here on CM, and apparently did this while he is/was in a dating, physically intimate relationship. He also told me that he was being contacted by other CM women and so I would guess that he was/is also following up on them, although I don't know that for sure. The way I put it, it looks like he wants to have his cake and eat it too! Well, I won't be part of that and I told him so on Tuesday when I found out in our phone conversation that this was going on within minutes of him asking me about hotels in Chicago that he could stay at that would be close to my apartment - yikes!

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Mar 22nd 2013 new

I'm going to lock this thread and I've informed Patricia as to why.. I think it's run it's course to be of any value..

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