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Devoted to discussion pertaining to those issues which are specifically relevant to people 45+. Topics must have a specific perspective of people in this age group for it to be on topic.

The story of Abraham and Sarah is told in chapters 11-25 of the book of Genesis.
Learn More:Abraham & Sarah

Mar 21st 2013 new

I think you made the right decision in the particular case that you described for this reason: the "other woman" told him that she's not ready for a committment; yet he wants to continue seeing her. He should resolve his feelings for the other woman before beginning a dating relationship with you (or anyone else). That said, I don't have a problem with someone seeing several people at once early on in a dating relationship. But if one is truly seeking marriage, then it seems to me that he/she should quickly commit to developing one of those relationships and ending the others. I've never been comfortable "playing the field" and have rarely done so. But I'm not sure that it's wise to exclusively commit to seeing a person that one has never even met. However, don't take that as a criticism. You're doing what's best for you (as you should).

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Mar 21st 2013 new

I look at it this way--either I am enough, or I am not. I am not an option. Whether it be one date or a lifetime, it boils down to being enough, loyalty, and fidelity of emotions and self. Women do invest their heart. I am a widow, but let me tell you a story that will knock your socks off. Phil had just turned 21. I was about to turn 27. I was just out of a very bad marriage and I was looking to go to medical school with the military. I was not interested in remarrying especially a military man. He asked me out 19 times before I said yes.


I was working as a swimming pool manager at Mountain Home AFB. Here this young GI kept coming in and flirting with all of my workers (or so I thought--he was trying to get me to notice him). On the 20th time he asked me out, he told me that it would be the last time he asked me out if I said no. Huh? Wait! I did want to go out at least once with this man. Imagine my surprise when on the first date he told me that he coudln't go out with me again if I wanted to date other people. He said that if our relationship lasted one date or a lifetime, he was all in until it was over. He pledged integrity. Is it any surprise that we eloped four months later? No...I wasn't pregnant; I was just a girl who knew exactly what I had.


Long distance relationships can and do work ONLY if both people are equally invested and are equally committed to making the relationship work. I find that it is often not the case.

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Mar 21st 2013 new

(Quote) Linda-756196 said: --either I am enough, or I am not. I am not an option. Long distance rel...
(Quote) Linda-756196 said:

--either I am enough, or I am not. I am not an option. Long distance relationships can and do work ONLY if both people are equally invested and are equally committed to making the relationship work. I find that it is often not the case.

--hide--


Amen to that! clap Bow

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Mar 21st 2013 new

(Quote) William-607613 said: Patricia,The red flag was where he mentioned that he was still dating a woman w...
(Quote) William-607613 said:



Patricia,

The red flag was where he mentioned that he was still dating a woman who informed him that she was not interested in a commitment (and not that he was necessarily dating another woman). The purpose of dating is to discern whether two people are called together for marriage. If either he or this other woman do not see marriage in their future, then that relationship should be over. That it isn't over raises the question of whether he is dating with the correct understanding of what its purpose is.

--hide--

William, thank you for responding to this, and I totally agree with you. Unfortunately, I found out that the woman was not currently interested in a committment only yesterday! That phone conversation was when I said that I was done!

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Mar 21st 2013 new

(Quote) Brad-937504 said: I think you made the right decision in the particular case that you described for this reason: the...
(Quote) Brad-937504 said:

I think you made the right decision in the particular case that you described for this reason: the "other woman" told him that she's not ready for a committment; yet he wants to continue seeing her. He should resolve his feelings for the other woman before beginning a dating relationship with you (or anyone else). That said, I don't have a problem with someone seeing several people at once early on in a dating relationship. But if one is truly seeking marriage, then it seems to me that he/she should quickly commit to developing one of those relationships and ending the others. I've never been comfortable "playing the field" and have rarely done so. But I'm not sure that it's wise to exclusively commit to seeing a person that one has never even met. However, don't take that as a criticism. You're doing what's best for you (as you should).

--hide--

Hi Brad, and thanks for responding to my post! I agree with you. How I see it differently and presented it to him as such, is that if/when we meet (and do that quite quickly) and we don't hit it off, then it is done and he and I can move on to the next (so to speak). So, the only real commitment is to to be available and open to getting involved with someone if you do hit it off (knowing that if one is meeting long-distance that would likely take only 1 or 2 visits because, at least for me, I can readily discern if I want to get to know someone better in the first meeting). So, it is not a commitment that one is going to marry the person initially, it is merely a commitment that one will take the short amount of time to see if one wants to get to know the person better without complicating it with dating other people at the same time (as in having a relationship with someone else - ie., 6 dates and counting) because in that case I do believe someone gets hurt emotionally (and in this case it would either be me or the other woman, if in fact she does care which I personally doubt from the little I know).

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Mar 21st 2013 new

(Quote) Linda-756196 said: I look at it this way--either I am enough, or I am not. I am not an option. Whether it be one dat...
(Quote) Linda-756196 said:

I look at it this way--either I am enough, or I am not. I am not an option. Whether it be one date or a lifetime, it boils down to being enough, loyalty, and fidelity of emotions and self. Women do invest their heart. I am a widow, but let me tell you a story that will knock your socks off. Phil had just turned 21. I was about to turn 27. I was just out of a very bad marriage and I was looking to go to medical school with the military. I was not interested in remarrying especially a military man. He asked me out 19 times before I said yes.


I was working as a swimming pool manager at Mountain Home AFB. Here this young GI kept coming in and flirting with all of my workers (or so I thought--he was trying to get me to notice him). On the 20th time he asked me out, he told me that it would be the last time he asked me out if I said no. Huh? Wait! I did want to go out at least once with this man. Imagine my surprise when on the first date he told me that he coudln't go out with me again if I wanted to date other people. He said that if our relationship lasted one date or a lifetime, he was all in until it was over. He pledged integrity. Is it any surprise that we eloped four months later? No...I wasn't pregnant; I was just a girl who knew exactly what I had.


Long distance relationships can and do work ONLY if both people are equally invested and are equally committed to making the relationship work. I find that it is often not the case.

--hide--

What a great story - you were blessed with a wonderful man!

And, yes women do invest their heart, and for me I do it from day 1 if the person is someone I want to get to know better - that is, if I find him attractive, intelligent, devout, caring, generous, etc. and if he also indicates he is attracted to me, etc.

And, you made an excellent point in your last sentence. which I am going to repeat here.

"Long distance relationships can and do work ONLY if both people are equally invested and are equally committed to making the relationship work."There are no truer words than these.

And, I believe this is true from day 1 which means one should not meet someone who is currently dating someone else as there is no way that person is equally invested unless you are also currently dating someone, and, in that case if you're both dating people, why meet at all? (to see if the other person is better? to date for the sake of dating? to just have fun? certainly in that case, the person is not meeting someone to see if that person is someone he/she wants to get to know better to find out if there is possibility of marriage!(because 4 people cannot be in 2 relationships together - that is impossible!) Just as 3 people (a man, a woman ,and his late wife cannot be in a relationship together - in that case the man is living in the past, not in the present and so there is NO possibility of a future (as in a future marriage of the man and woman that will work!) The only people that can be in relationship together are the man, the woman, and Christ! (NO ONE ELSE)

LOCKED
Mar 21st 2013 new

Patricia , I'm sorry but it seems to me you got your answer . This man is not who you wanted him to be . He was honest with you and didn't decieve you he told you he was seeing other women . I feel bad for the time and emotion invested in him . But better you found out who he was before you invested any more time . I am from the belief that people tell you who they really are its up to you to listen and except what they are telling you . Now after his telling you he is seeing other women it is up to you to desern what you want to do with it. Walk away or try to convince him to stay ! But going forward know what he is cause he told you. Dont expect to try to change him . And if you really feel he decieved you then dont walk RUN away why would you want to be in a relationship with someone like that ? Good luck with your search .

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Mar 21st 2013 new

(Quote) Patricia-29176 said: I don't think these women are for the most part looking for casual friendships, and unless you are...
(Quote) Patricia-29176 said: I don't think these women are for the most part looking for casual friendships, and unless you are being very upfront about that, you may be doing them a disservice. I don't want cyber friendships. I live in the real world and work on developing real world friendships and have succeeded in doing that with women. As for men, I have found that men do not really want friendships with women, because as soon as they find a woman to be in a relationship with or marry, those former friendships get tossed down the drain!
--hide--

Oh, boy!
1. I would agree: men probably seek something more casual until they meet "The One". Women want to get right down to serious business.
2. It's really good that you have identified exactly what you want. Surprising how many people don't know what they want, and their feelings get chewed up because they haven't made the decisions that you have. Bravo for clear thinking!
3. My experience has been...a man's friendships with other women go down the drain because:
a. "The One" has demanded that he jettison them
b. he is a afraid of her and afraid that she'll accuse him of who-knows-what if he continues these frienships.

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Mar 21st 2013 new

I would rather compete for his attention than sit home alone.

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Mar 21st 2013 new

(Quote) William-607613 said: If either he or this other woman do not see marriage in their future, then that relationship should be...
(Quote) William-607613 said: If either he or this other woman do not see marriage in their future, then that relationship should be over.
--hide--
I disagree. Contrary to popular wisdom, it IS possible for men and women to be platonic friends, once they realize they aren't suited as lovers.

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