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Devoted to discussion pertaining to those issues which are specifically relevant to people 45+. Topics must have a specific perspective of people in this age group for it to be on topic.

The story of Abraham and Sarah is told in chapters 11-25 of the book of Genesis.
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I met a man on another, non-Catholic, dating site. We talked online a bit, met for coffee and now are scheduled to go to the movies tonight. This is my first date since my husband died in August 2011.

I don't feel any sparks at all, but he has said he's definitely interested in me. He keeps telling me how pretty I am. For some reason,. that makes me uncomfortable. It could be because I have never really considered myself pretty or maybe it's getting a compliment like that from someone who isn't my late husband?

We were supposed to go out last night but something came up. He was disappointed and I was relieved. I'm actually thinking of cancelling tonight.

Is it because I don't see a future for us (after such a short acquaintance and he isn't Catholic)? Could it be that I'm not ready yet? Should I go tonight and see how it goes? He wants to pick me up but I think I'm going to insist on meeting him. I'm very nervous about being alone in a car with him. I have no idea why. He seems perfectly pleasant.

Since I'm so anxious about this date, should I cancel or should I go through with it? Should I give it some time or tell him right away that I don't see us being anything more than friends, if that? HELP! Maybe I'm just nervous because this ismy first date in 35 years?

Mar 21st 2013 new

Cynthia,
To my way of thinking a movie is not a place to go for a "first" date. The movie has the first billing.

A better choice would be to meet for a lunch or dinner, a walk in the park or even stopping at a Subway and making it a picnic, meeting in the park.

The reasoning for my suggestions is that you have time for communications, talk to each other, and determine if you are really interested in each other.

The movie takes up time that you could be learning more about each other and usually would know if you wanted to continue dating.
For someone that you don't know I would suggest meeting at the place that you are going. That way if things don't go the way you were thinking you can leave at your convenience, not relying on your date to get you home.


Steve wave

Mar 21st 2013 new

Cynthia, you already met him for coffee. What else do you know about him? I mean, is there any reason to be concerned about your safety or him knowing where you live?

Do you not know him well enough to ride in a car with him? It's ok if the answer is no. It's ok to meet him at the theatre. If your gut is simply nervous versus legetimate personal safety concerns, yes you should go. Sounds like you need the practice! Is there a girl friend who could go and keep an eye on you two? Might help! I've taken a friend on a first date when I wasn't comfortable with the location. The guy was super sweet. There weren't any problems. We just weren't a match!

Mar 21st 2013 new

Cynthia, I'm thinking you have the jitters because it's the first time in 35 years! This is not easy!!!


The general advice to anyone beginning to see someone who is virtually a stranger is that a movie is not a good 1st date choice (see the sensible post by the gentleman here) and that you should not be in a car alone with this "stranger" this early on. If you're feeling uncomfortable because of his comments, it could be for a variety of reasons, but we are constantly told to follow our gut instinct.


I hope it's not too late to change your plans. I would not totally cancel, but say you have a Plan B which is to meet him for coffee or a sandwich at a nearby popular restaurant--Panera's, for example. Then when you are with him, listen & watch carefully for any signs that would verify or deny any of these concerns you're having. Please be careful, but do try to enjoy yourself. hug

Mar 21st 2013 new

It's not a date if you dont' like him. So nothing to be nervous about!

And I would say the first date was when you met him for coffee.

Like Lisa said, what more do you need to know?

If you really don't like him, I would not go out with him. It's not fair, because it sounds like he likes you.

I am sure it is hard to accept compliments from a man who is not your husband.

But I would say if you want practice in socializing, then go. If you don't, and only want to go on an outing with something you are really interested in, then this man deserves more, and you should cancel.

Mar 21st 2013 new

Thank you to everyone.

I just spoke with him and we are going to meet at the theater. It's not that I'm afraid to be in a car with him, just uncomfortable. I don't think it's anything to do with him.

I think I'm just going to ask him to slow it down on the "I'll miss you" and stuff a bt, that I need more time. I'm heading to Florida on Saturday to visit my mom for 2 weeks, so that will give us both time to just talk on the phone and get to know each other that way too.

If nothing else, I'm getting my toes into the water, right? If I truly end up feeling that it isn't right, I'll let him know right away. I'm not the kind of person to string someone along.

Mar 21st 2013 new

(Quote) Cynthia-875784 said: It's not that I'm afraid to be in a car with him, just uncomfortable. I don't think...
(Quote) Cynthia-875784 said:

It's not that I'm afraid to be in a car with him, just uncomfortable. I don't think it's anything to do with him.

I think I'm just going to ask him to slow it down on the "I'll miss you" and stuff a bt, that I need more time. I'm heading to Florida on Saturday to visit my mom for 2 weeks, so that will give us both time to just talk on the phone and get to know each other that way too.

If nothing else, I'm getting my toes into the water, right? If I truly end up feeling that it isn't right, I'll let him know right away. I'm not the kind of person to string someone along.

--hide--


Yes, Cynthia, he's going way too fast on the "I'll miss you" comments! I wanted to make a statement like that to someone I had been seeing for a little longer than you have this guy & was advised NOT to push it forward too fast. Getting to know him better during the time you're visiting your mom will help for the next time you get together.

Getting your toes in the water is a good thing, but please do follow what your instincts tell you.


As I said, advice from a dating expert (Amy Owens, The Singles Coach, from Indianapolis) cautions against being in a car with your date the first couple of times--just for safety's sake. If you're uncomfortable, heed that feeling!!!

Mar 21st 2013 new

Right on, brother! clap

Mar 21st 2013 new

1. Go.
2. Treat it as a casual get-together with someone new. He is YOUR guinea-pig, to see if you are ready to date yet. (I suspect that you aren't.)
3. Don't discuss "where do we go from here?" or "You're not Catholic." It's irrelevant. You're going to the movies, that's all.
4. If you met him on a non-Catholic site and he's giving you the "You're so pretty" business -- be prepared to smack him down.
5. Keep it real.
6. Guard your heart.
7. Don't put up with any crap.

Mar 21st 2013 new

(Quote) Cynthia-875784 said:I just spoke with him and we are going to meet at the theater. It's not that I'm afraid to be i...
(Quote) Cynthia-875784 said:I just spoke with him and we are going to meet at the theater. It's not that I'm afraid to be in a car with him, just uncomfortable.
--hide--
I would NEVER ride in a car with someone I don't know well. I ALWAYS drive myself.
Don't worry about whether you're being afraid -- you are being SMART.

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