Faith Focused Dating. Create your Free Profile and meet your Match! Sign Up for Free

info: Please Sign Up or Sign In to continue.

A place to learn, mingle, and share

Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Hi, CM Family!

I would like to start a discussion on where someone should be mentally, emotionally, and financially in their life (among other aspects) before they leave the single-life and start trying to enter into a relationship? I personally have my own opinion on this, but will refrain from posting that now because I am moreso interested in an open-forum discussion and learning other people's views and opinons on this topic.

I ask this question because a very wise priest once told me that a man and woman should each be at a certain level in their lives before they enter into a relationshp--or before they even start searching for someone to date. He said that this is practically common sense, especially if you believe that you should not date just to date.

Alot has been said about how men and women are often confused about their gender roles in today's society and indeed there are a lot of families with a role reversal going on in regard to the working aspect (e.g. the wife works FT and the husband stays home). However, what certain personal levels do you think an individual should be at--whether they are male or female--before trying to enter into a relationship AND does this vary whether you are a male or female? For instance, many women want a man to be the main financial provider for the family even if they do have a career of their own. However, then there are also women with careers that are so time-consuming that unless the man stayed home with the children (at least PT) then the kids would rarely see either parent. Is it irresponsible for a man to not be the sole-provider, unless of course the woman just specifies that she has dreams for a career which will really require the man to be less ambitious with his career goals?

Thanks for participating & God bless! cookie hersheyskiss goldfish (I give you virtual snacks because it makes it more interesting! lol)

Mar 22nd 2013 new

This is pretty obvious, but I think a person should have a mature mindset when starting to seek a relationship. There needs to be the proper focus on future, not just a "hey, I wanna find someone to hang out with Saturday nights." There also needs to emotional stability to some level (i.e. over past relationships, if any; ready to be open with someone) - I may not be the best source for that one since I've had to deal with issues of that sort and I don't like being a hypocrite. Finances are hard to identify. Objectively, it probably isn't good for either party to have massive debt, but that's a personal preference; I think as long as both sides are open and honest about any financial entanglements, that's their business. For me, I would hope that the man has (or is headed toward) stable employment that is sufficient to support a family. Again, that's open to individual interpretation.

Yes, gender roles are a bit confused, not only because society is turned on its head, but also because of the economy. There are situations now where the wife is able to find employment while the husband is not. Obviously it would be detrimental for the family if the wife did not step up, even if that means the husband stays home with the kids. Hopefully it would as temporary an arrangement as possible, but again, individual cases will vary. Clearly, the traditional ideal is that the wife stays home with the kids, but these are difficult times, and we either adapt to them or fail.

Mar 23rd 2013 new

(Quote) Tiffiany-902101 said: Is it irresponsible for a man to not be the sole-provider, unless of course the woman ...
(Quote) Tiffiany-902101 said:

Is it irresponsible for a man to not be the sole-provider, unless of course the woman just specifies that she has dreams for a career which will really require the man to be less ambitious with his career goals?

Thanks for participating & God bless! (I give you virtual snacks because it makes it more interesting! lol)

--hide--

I'll reply to this part. No, I don't think it's irresponsible for a man to enter a relationship without a job that would provide for the family, as long as it's clear to the woman from the beginning that she will have to be the primary breadwinner of the family. The woman then has a choice to accept this arrangement or find someone else. I think that most women still do want the man to be the provider, so a man who is not in a position to do so would be limiting his pool of potential dates. But I wouldn't go so far as to call him irresponsible - this is just the choice he makes in his life.

Mar 23rd 2013 new

(Quote) Lisa-54615 said: (Quote) Tiffiany-902101 said: Is it irresponsible for a man to not b...
(Quote) Lisa-54615 said:

Quote:
Tiffiany-902101 said:

Is it irresponsible for a man to not be the sole-provider, unless of course the woman just specifies that she has dreams for a career which will really require the man to be less ambitious with his career goals?

Thanks for participating & God bless! (I give you virtual snacks because it makes it more interesting! lol)


I'll reply to this part. No, I don't think it's irresponsible for a man to enter a relationship without a job that would provide for the family, as long as it's clear to the woman from the beginning that she will have to be the primary breadwinner of the family. The woman then has a choice to accept this arrangement or find someone else. I think that most women still do want the man to be the provider, so a man who is not in a position to do so would be limiting his pool of potential dates. But I wouldn't go so far as to call him irresponsible - this is just the choice he makes in his life.

--hide--

Mar 23rd 2013 new

Sorry, I have just started getting onto these forums and am a bit remedial! You know life is so complicated. I DID used to believe what you describe above and still do to a certain extent. The reality tho...perhaps it changes w/ age and LIFE.....I struggle w/ God's plan vs MY plan. I've come to the conclusion that certain people were put in my life at certain times for a reason. With that said, I've also just gotten over a heartbreak.. I dated someone for about a year when he returned from Iraq. I believe we were both ready for a relationship but it wasn't until enough time had passed that the stark differences in work ethic became apparent. It is a complicated topic...what I want/ am I trying to control him? vs just plain and simple is it HEALTHY for me to stay in this relationship? I think it's a discussion...I did share how I felt and owned my feelings/pre-conceived notions...Yeah! I am from a traditional family and was well aware of male=provider...YET as a single woman for TOO many years :) I am VERY capable of supporting myself. I want an equal, a teammate, and OF course it is GIVE and TAKE.....Nonetheless, I still believe Marriage is a sacrament, a covenant and in preparation for that we LEARN about others w/ careful choosing and w/ time....via relationships....time and patience.....and ya know sometimes it happens fast and shocks us into reality. Of course it's nice to be ready and prepared- Unfortunately(fortunately?) life doesn't always happen that way.

Mar 24th 2013 new
The natural law dictates that a man toil. A young bride has a right to a husband that will provide for her so she can stay home and raise the children. If something happens later in life that's different and should be looked at then. But at the beginning a man should be working.
Mar 24th 2013 new

I think it depends on the person and there is no right answer. I know for me, my decision to wait to search for a relationship until I was ready (graduated from school and financially stable with a job) is looking to be a wonderful one, and I have Catholic Match to thank for that.

However, that's not to say one can't have relationships or search for them earlier. I knew Catholic people who were dating, engaged, or even married, while they were in school. I guess the main issue is when each individual person is ready.

Mar 24th 2013 new

(Quote) Tiffiany-902101 said: Hi, CM Family! I would like to start a discussion on where someone should be me...
(Quote) Tiffiany-902101 said:

Hi, CM Family!

I would like to start a discussion on where someone should be mentally, emotionally, and financially in their life (among other aspects) before they leave the single-life and start trying to enter into a relationship? I personally have my own opinion on this, but will refrain from posting that now because I am moreso interested in an open-forum discussion and learning other people's views and opinons on this topic.

I ask this question because a very wise priest once told me that a man and woman should each be at a certain level in their lives before they enter into a relationshp--or before they even start searching for someone to date. He said that this is practically common sense, especially if you believe that you should not date just to date.

Alot has been said about how men and women are often confused about their gender roles in today's society and indeed there are a lot of families with a role reversal going on in regard to the working aspect (e.g. the wife works FT and the husband stays home). However, what certain personal levels do you think an individual should be at--whether they are male or female--before trying to enter into a relationship AND does this vary whether you are a male or female? For instance, many women want a man to be the main financial provider for the family even if they do have a career of their own. However, then there are also women with careers that are so time-consuming that unless the man stayed home with the children (at least PT) then the kids would rarely see either parent. Is it irresponsible for a man to not be the sole-provider, unless of course the woman just specifies that she has dreams for a career which will really require the man to be less ambitious with his career goals?

Thanks for participating & God bless! (I give you virtual snacks because it makes it more interesting! lol)

--hide--


Even though I was the primary breadwinner in my few long-term relationships (one marriage), the men did work full-time. That said, I would have preferred that he made more money than I did. I was already in a great career, and the career was always part of my package. With a strong career base, I could always "step down" some notches as needed. I've had work with intense schedules (single, married, and divorced), and interesting work in new industries, and with more "family oriented" schedules when I was a single parent.

I would strongly advise everyone to watch the trends of this current economic situation. Women have been able to sustain employment better than men. Men and women must realize that, though they may have their preferences, they need to deal with reality. There may be times that the wife needs to work full-time, there may be times that the husband works full-time, and there may be times when both need to work. Children reach an age that a parent does not have to be home full-time.

Mentally and emotionally, men and women need to be honest with themselves and their potential spouses. If they are personally not capable of a life with another (or if the other doesn't see that their mate is mature enough for marriage), the couple should not be getting married, pure and simple.

Spiritually, hopefully a "mature" spiritual life will resolve all of the other concerns, but not always.

Bottom line: equal balance between the spiritual, mental, emotional, financial and physical fitness (not necessarily in that order)!

Posts 1 - 8 of 8