I joined CM early last summer, and was contacted by a woman in late summer. We met three weeks after we started messaging each other on CM, and we have been in a committed and exclusive relationship ever since. It no longer makes any sense to keep my membership up, and I will be canceling later this evening.
It's hard to say why we clicked....but we did. I suppose we did have some things in common...we had both been married for twenty-five years, both had had happy marriages, and had both lost a spouse.
One other thing we had in common....we were both happy with where we were, and we had both put ourselves in God's hands with respect to a relationship...or not. I had promised God, when I joined CM, that I would accept whatever He willed for me, and that if He willed that I would be single for the rest of my life, that I would embrace that, and embrace with as much vigor as I could bring to it.
We were open to love, we were open to dating, we were open to meeting new people....but neither of us was *looking* for love....we had let go of love, let go of expectations, let go of wanting, let go of needing...
James Branch Cabell said, "Love is, I think, an instant's fusing of shadow and substance." I have always thought that by "shadow" Cabell really meant grace. We find love only by becoming a channel for God's grace. And so love finds us, we do not find love. If you seek to fall in love then you must look away from love, and look towards life, your own life....look away from love and towards God, look away from desire and towards prayer....look away from love and towards laughter, look away from love and towards purpose in your life...alone....
It's all about fear in the end...fear of being alone keeps us alone....only by conquering that fear of being alone do we truly live, and only by conquering that fear can we become a channel of God's grace....let go....let go....and breathe again....
Oh, yes....I forgot. God has a sense of humor. Both of us, in our profile, had indicated we were not interested in a long distance relationship. We live nearly four hours apart. Don't ask me how this happened, but it did. We are both rooted deeply in place because of children and careers. Neither of us can move at this time, so we are feeling our way along, trying to figure out how to merge two homes, two careers, a total of six children, two dogs, four cars, and a three-legged cat. We have no answers to any of this at this time. But we continue to move forward. We see each other about once a month. And we talk every night, and text constantly. Video chats once or twice a week. Somehow we are muddling through.
Don't give up....pray constantly.
All my best,
Andrew, thank you for sharing. Beautiful and full of wisdom.