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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Hello Everyone:

Just though I write on this subject, and to see what you think about. When two people are single and are looking for a realtionship, or a friendship to bloom into a realtionship, the desire to want the same thing at the same time can be trying. As man, I come to believe in being a friend frist and to see where and what we have in common, and build on that thread, and to slowly open the way for nature to take her course on what the woman wants. If one wants a friendship to last, one should devote some time and effort into establishing some common ground in terms of scheduling when to meet, and what events they would like to partake in. Also, as man I take the time to ask questions, and to see what all the woman likes, and does not like, thereby knowning what to do, and what not to on down the road in the friendship stage. The woman should do the same in that it enables both parties to act accordingly, and begin to know what to expect from the other one. Yet, some men and women want to rust things and get on the topic marriage frist without being friends first, so that line of thinking, and wanting will not last in the long run. Being better engaged in the person's needs, and concerns will enhance the chances of marriage, and that both parites will feel equal in all dimensions of being on the same page. That is why I am on this site to find firiends, and to establish common ground, and to see where to can mature from there. Alright, that is my two cents, on this topic, what are your thought on it?

Mar 24th 2013 new

What I want to see in a profile are the words "Looking for a relationship leading to marriage." If I see "Looking for friends first" I assume they are not serious about finding a spouse but only in widening their friend base.. I usually encourage women to remove any reference to being friends first from their profile if they want a husband.

Mar 24th 2013 new
Welcome to the forums! This is a great place to come to seek advice, or just have fun!

I too share your thoughts, but I also know that everyone has and is entitled to their own feelings of what works for them. I've had some men talk about starting an exclusive relationship working toward marriage in the first meeting, and quite honestly, I feel like saying... you don't even know my middle name, how can you even think of that? The funny thing is that they often times are engaged within a year (to someone else).

Anyhow, my advice is to do what feels right to you. I think some people are just tired of 'dating' and want to make sure their mutual intentions are to work toward a permanent relationship, marriage.

Wishing you God's Blessings in your search.

Janet
Mar 24th 2013 new

(Quote) William-888220 said: Hello Everyone: Just though I write on this subject, and to see what you think about. Wh...
(Quote) William-888220 said:

Hello Everyone:

Just though I write on this subject, and to see what you think about. When two people are single and are looking for a realtionship, or a friendship to bloom into a realtionship, the desire to want the same thing at the same time can be trying. As man, I come to believe in being a friend frist and to see where and what we have in common, and build on that thread, and to slowly open the way for nature to take her course on what the woman wants. If one wants a friendship to last, one should devote some time and effort into establishing some common ground in terms of scheduling when to meet, and what events they would like to partake in. Also, as man I take the time to ask questions, and to see what all the woman likes, and does not like, thereby knowning what to do, and what not to on down the road in the friendship stage. The woman should do the same in that it enables both parties to act accordingly, and begin to know what to expect from the other one. Yet, some men and women want to rust things and get on the topic marriage frist without being friends first, so that line of thinking, and wanting will not last in the long run. Being better engaged in the person's needs, and concerns will enhance the chances of marriage, and that both parites will feel equal in all dimensions of being on the same page. That is why I am on this site to find firiends, and to establish common ground, and to see where to can mature from there. Alright, that is my two cents, on this topic, what are your thought on it?


I don't think your approach is wise in all due respect. There is nothing wrong with making friends, but why join this site just to become friends with a woman? There is nothing wrong with taking things slow and not jumping right into a relationship, but just becoming friends with a woman is going to make it difficult to take things to the next step. One of the aspects of this site that I like is I don't have to worry about getting stuck in the friends zone with woman and can concentrate solely on dating.

--hide--

Mar 24th 2013 new

While its great to meet others and have friends.Most friends remain friends.Often they don't move to the other stage of a committed relationship.If you are truly interested, why hold back?We are all adults here and we are aware that most are looking for a spouse. You would still find out the necessary information if you are involved and you would know for sure that you are on the same page. wink cupid

Mar 24th 2013 new

(Quote) Donna-83441 said: What I want to see in a profile are the words "Looking for a relationship leading to marriage...
(Quote) Donna-83441 said:

What I want to see in a profile are the words "Looking for a relationship leading to marriage." If I see "Looking for friends first" I assume they are not serious about finding a spouse but only in widening their friend base.. I usually encourage women to remove any reference to being friends first from their profile if they want a husband.

--hide--


I once read some advice from one of the major secular sites, that if you want to be married, state that in your profile. That will let people know of your true objective, and (hopefully) eliminate the "long term relationship that never leads to marriage" folks. I think that that's good advice, on here, or on any site. You never know one intentions until they tell you (one way or another).

I think that it is assumed that you will be friends with your spouse, and that "time is a tickin'". It really depends on the maturity and intent of the two individuals. And, as I have learned from a discussion on another site, even though a person wants to be married, they need to be "qualified" to be married: mentally, emotionally, financially, spirtually and physically. Some are walking time bombs for disaster. irked

Mar 24th 2013 new

(Quote) Donna-83441 said: What I want to see in a profile are the words "Looking for a relationship leading to marriage...
(Quote) Donna-83441 said:

What I want to see in a profile are the words "Looking for a relationship leading to marriage." If I see "Looking for friends first" I assume they are not serious about finding a spouse but only in widening their friend base.. I usually encourage women to remove any reference to being friends first from their profile if they want a husband.

--hide--



Very wise words, Donna! heart "Friend" is such a nebulous term, especially these days. Chelle

Mar 24th 2013 new

Oh boy! I have heard so much conflicting advice on this, I really don’t give a rat’s behind anymore.

Don’t say you want marriage … that will scare him away!

Don’t say you want to be friends first … then he’ll think he’ll get stuck in the friend zone forever!

Don’t say you want a long-term relationship, because that’s a code word for random flings, including sex! (usually on secular sites)

Don’t say you’re high maintenance, because people will think you’re demanding.

Don’t say you’re low maintenance because people will think you don’t care about appearances.

Don’t say you’re open to LDRs, because then you sound desperate, like you can’t find someone near you …

Don’t say this, don’t say that …

I cannot be responsible for the interpretations that others will have of me or what I am seeking based on what I write in a profile. I am honest about what I am seeking and why I am seeking it. Yes, I want to be friends with a gentleman. Yes, I am seeking a relationship that leads to marriage. I want to marry my best friend. I don’t want to marry someone with whom I have nothing in common and can’t relate to. I can’t imagine being married to someone who does not understand me, my beliefs and who is not willing to share at least some pastimes with me. Yes, we can have space to be different, but if you are married to someone, you are under the same roof and you are spending a lot of time together, so there better be some substance to hold the relationship together for longer than 10 minutes. I believe that marriage is a partnership.

There will be people who view what I am seeking as some sort of anathema because their perceptions of things are very different – well then they are not for me, and we can both move on.

Mar 25th 2013 new

(Quote) William-888220 said: Hello Everyone: Just though I write on this subject, and to see what you think about. Wh...
(Quote) William-888220 said:

Hello Everyone:

Just though I write on this subject, and to see what you think about. When two people are single and are looking for a realtionship, or a friendship to bloom into a realtionship, the desire to want the same thing at the same time can be trying. As man, I come to believe in being a friend frist and to see where and what we have in common, and build on that thread, and to slowly open the way for nature to take her course on what the woman wants. If one wants a friendship to last, one should devote some time and effort into establishing some common ground in terms of scheduling when to meet, and what events they would like to partake in. Also, as man I take the time to ask questions, and to see what all the woman likes, and does not like, thereby knowning what to do, and what not to on down the road in the friendship stage. The woman should do the same in that it enables both parties to act accordingly, and begin to know what to expect from the other one. Yet, some men and women want to rust things and get on the topic marriage frist without being friends first, so that line of thinking, and wanting will not last in the long run. Being better engaged in the person's needs, and concerns will enhance the chances of marriage, and that both parites will feel equal in all dimensions of being on the same page. That is why I am on this site to find firiends, and to establish common ground, and to see where to can mature from there. Alright, that is my two cents, on this topic, what are your thought on it?

--hide--


I grew up on the friends first and then crank it up a notch. As far as this site goes, I'm pretty sure most are here to crank it up a notch so I usually apply that perception with every contact I make.

Mar 25th 2013 new

(Quote) Angela-374523 said: Oh boy! I have heard so much conflicting advice on this, I really don’t give a rat’s...
(Quote) Angela-374523 said:

Oh boy! I have heard so much conflicting advice on this, I really don’t give a rat’s behind anymore.

Don’t say you want marriage … that will scare him away!

Don’t say you want to be friends first … then he’ll think he’ll get stuck in the friend zone forever!

Don’t say you want a long-term relationship, because that’s a code word for random flings, including sex! (usually on secular sites)

Don’t say you’re high maintenance, because people will think you’re demanding.

Don’t say you’re low maintenance because people will think you don’t care about appearances.

Don’t say you’re open to LDRs, because then you sound desperate, like you can’t find someone near you …

Don’t say this, don’t say that …

I cannot be responsible for the interpretations that others will have of me or what I am seeking based on what I write in a profile. I am honest about what I am seeking and why I am seeking it. Yes, I want to be friends with a gentleman. Yes, I am seeking a relationship that leads to marriage. I want to marry my best friend. I don’t want to marry someone with whom I have nothing in common and can’t relate to. I can’t imagine being married to someone who does not understand me, my beliefs and who is not willing to share at least some pastimes with me. Yes, we can have space to be different, but if you are married to someone, you are under the same roof and you are spending a lot of time together, so there better be some substance to hold the relationship together for longer than 10 minutes. I believe that marriage is a partnership.

There will be people who view what I am seeking as some sort of anathema because their perceptions of things are very different – well then they are not for me, and we can both move on.

--hide--

Angela, excellent !

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