Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.
Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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Very nice Peter!
I have been celibate for many years, but then I'm an old geezer who's forgotten how to behave any other way! Also, I'm too busy to get myself in trouble!
I get so tired of hearing about sex. What am I supposed to do, buy a timer and set it to 15 seconds then start it when I start the kiss and go jump in the pool if I am still kissing when the timer goes off? Or 10 seconds? Pool is pretty cold right now. Am I supposed to break up with a woman because she does something I consider to be unchaste? Like turning off the timer, maybe?
Divorce is so common now, actually there should be more divorces than there are. Many people are married and haven't seen their spouse in months. They have girlfriends and boyfriends, maybe both at the same time. Pretty sad.
So think of this instead. What sort of life do you want when you are married? If you burn the toast how do you want your spouse to deal with it? If she burns the toast? If it isn't burning the toast, lets say it is getting drunk and driving the car instead. I'll assume you don't want to deal with that. When you are dating start building the kind of life you want as a couple. Spend your time and energy building a future you can be proud of. See how the person your dating fits into the life you want. If you want to have a life doing things for the Church then do things with her for the Church. If you want to have a life hiking, then go hiking with her. Focus on getting to know her and letting her get to know you.
Oh, about that timer, when she shuts it off, and hopefully she will, don't break up with her. Take a little responsibility. I get so tired of hearing about how we kiss a little too long and pretty soon we have sex and we are powerless to control ourselves. Does anybody actually believe that? The idea that men are all ready willing and able to have sex whenever they can is disrespectful to men. It is insulting. Some men maybe are like that, but some women are too. I am sure that if I started a date by saying how women were nothing but whores things wouldn't go well.
Look, some of us have had relationships where intimacy was an everyday occurance. we miss it. Alot. Now sitting down with my arm around a woman that I like and talking, kissing or whatever is something that builds a relationship. Boy, am I going to get criticized for saying that. In my humble opinion, you are supposed to do that when you are dating. If you turn one another on, so be it. Make the decision to stop. Make the decision to cool it in the future. But don't get all freaked out. Be thankful that you still can get excited about someone. Be really excited that you are sitting with someone holding one another.
Now am I giving anybody permission to have sex, no. Get naked, no. Frankly I think it is the funniest thing I've done today, just thinking about telling two adults what to set their timer at. But for me, if I cannot sit and hold and kiss my girlfriend and express my affection for her in a way that her and I are comfortable with there will be no marriage. It is simple, that life I want to build with my wife includes sex. So, I want to know that, before we are married, my girlfriend likes being close to me, kissing me and being alone with me.I guess I consider a woman that cannot participate in healthy morally acceptable displays of affection as being emotional or spiritually damaged and not marriage material. I have dated them. No kissing is just as bad as too much.
I understand your frusturations because I have had them myself. However, I hadn't seen any posts say that kissing wasn't ok if it involved the person you may be dating. If kissing lead to sexual stimulation, I personally don't see a huge problem with that (others probably would disagree) as long as it doesn't go further.
I agree with you about the whole "chaste" thing. I think attempting to live a chaste life among oneself is an honorable goal, yet trying to judge others, or breaking up with someone over something seemingly as innocent as an "impure thoughts" seems to take things to an extreme. I am a member of a very traditional church and I have never heard about "impure thoughts" being an issue until I started reading this forum.
When push comes to shove, we all have interpret the church's teachings in our own way. I like that catholic match has a diversity of opinions so don't let this forum get you too worked up.
Not so fast. You are very cute Peter! You are not just an old geezer. But yep it gets easier as we age.
It is not true that it gets easier with age. Nothing does.
You are right. Sorry.
We have let a lot of the generalized "where are the..." or "why are all the.." threads go but we are going to start being more restrictive. Generally they serve to put down generalize in a negative way a large group of people, often create a thread which is of a non-charitable nature and really do not assist singles in lifestyle or dating.