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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

03/25/2013 new

(Quote) Gary-936836 said: ... As a man who can make pot roast, turkey, couscous, pizza, bread, and sushi from scratch...
(Quote) Gary-936836 said:

... As a man who can make pot roast, turkey, couscous, pizza, bread,

and sushi from scratch -- not to mention ice cream, cheese, and rootbeer -- ...

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Not many people can make sushi from ice cream, cheese, and rootbeer. smile

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03/25/2013 new
Haha touch Kevin!!! Best come back I've heard all year! Rofl
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03/25/2013 new

Clarification: I certainly did not mean to imply you had celebrity paychecks as a standard! Sorry if I gave that impression! The point was merely that the qualities you described: ambition, steady job, etc., leave out an important factor that can completely ruin the potential gain those qualities produce.

Another clarification: you open with a question about a particular style of man. I reply with a hypothetical complementary woman for such a man. There is a logical connection between the two. I also replied as a representative of such men, as such, there was a logical connection with the opening post.

The issue was not that my post was non-sequitor, but that it took the post in a direction you simply didn't care for. Those are two completely different things, Tiffiany. Nonetheless: I don't do "wanted' ads. What is this? Craigslist? Not my style.

Best of luck to you in finding what is good, true, and beautiful in life. I'll stay off "your" thread, since that seems to be your intent here.

Watch your step, gentlemen.

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03/25/2013 new
Gary, You make absolutely no sense and no contribution whatsoever to this discussion. This is the 21st century not 2100 BC. There is a plethora of opportunity out there. If a woman like myself can pick myself up by my boostraps, pay for my own education, work three jobs while doing it, and succeed then a man with the support of his parents sure as h*** can succeed. A lack of success is a cop-out for laziness and lack of ambition. You fall down? Get back up again. Like I said, this is a thread about whom I'm seeking not whom I'm not seeking. So, if you have anything else to say, please say it in your own thread.
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03/25/2013 new

This has become fairly heated. Gary and Tiffiany can I recommend a hot cup of tea and a biscuit! Coffee is good too with a biscotti?


Peace and blessings.

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03/25/2013 new

(Quote) Tiffiany-902101 said: If you fit the qualities described, please don't be afraid to contact me.
(Quote) Tiffiany-902101 said:

If you fit the qualities described, please don't be afraid to contact me.

My question is: Where are all the single, ambitious Catholic men? I mean someone who a) doesn't still live at home, b) has a stable and steady job, c)is ambitious enough to move up the ladder and enhance their career knowing that it will ultimately lead to them being able to be a leader and main provider for their future family?

Granted one's age has a lot to do with where they are in life and other circumstances are taken into consideration. I'm obviously not talking about those who are still obtaining their education, just starting out in the workforce, serving in the ministry, or who have had certain circumstances which have "put them behind" a little bit. Everyone's situation is individual and unique.

However, I wouldn't think it would be to much to ask to find someone whom I can gladly call my "equal." I want a man who shows initiative, is ambitious, hard-working, and shows great leadership. He doesn't have to be as educated as I am or even as ambitious; however, I would like to find someone who doesn't make me feel like I would have to be the one "running the show" should things ever get serious. Simply put, what I am looking for is someone who a) knows where he is going in life--both career wise and otherwise, b) what he wants out of life--both personally and professionally, and c) is actually putting the wheels in motion to make it happen.

For those of you who are still "figuring it all out," I would highly recommend a book called "Would You Date You?" Although it is not typical of men to read a self-help book I think this one is worth mentioning because it requires you to take a deep look in the mirror and see if you truly are in a ready, in many aspects of your life, to start a relationship.

God bless,

Tiffiany

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I'm right behind you Tiffany! wave If you get a flood of responses...just send the overflow to me. laughing wink lil mikie

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03/25/2013 new
Haha! Thank you Susan! Such a doll! And don't worry. I'll definitely pass the overflow onto you! ;)
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03/25/2013 new

I find this discussion interesting for a variety of reasons and thought I'd share some thoughts I had as I was reading.

First, I think ambition is something that might need further defining as people have different definitions or things that come to mind at the word. I'm not looking for a couch potato, but I also think following God's will can sometimes look "unambitious" to others. I have a dear friend who has been in youth ministry for 15+ years. He has had offers for diocesan positions, etc. but he feels called to ministry and it also allows him to spend time with his wife and 6 kids. (Yes, a wife and 6 kids on a youth ministry salary - it can be done!) What about the male teacher who feels called to specifically teach (not move up in administration)? I think the key for me is not how fast and far someone is moving up, but rather 1) are they going where God calls and 2) being responsible in using what he provides through that calling. Another thought with regards to ambition (and perhaps this is what Gary was getting at) is that it isn't always a good thing. The overly ambitious person might the one who later seeks career over family and neglects spouse and kids. Ambition must be tempered with seeking God's will.

Second, I think following requires just as much strength as leading. It (following) isn't a passive pathetic thing, but a bold, deliberate one. In some ways I used to be very self-reliant (something I learned out of necessity growing up). Self-reliance isn't a bad thing per se, but at some point I realized it prevented me from trusting and relying on others. I gave off the vibe (to friends, but especially to men) that I didn't want/need anyone, or that I'd rather go it alone. Nothing could have been further from the truth of course, but that is the vibe my self-reliance gave off. It wasn't that I needed a stronger person to lead me, I actually had to learn to be more open and receptive of help/leading/etc. So yes, I am looking for a strong man of faith who isn't afraid to lead, but I'm also learning to be a strong woman of faith not afraid to rely on God or others. I tend to see relationships as more of a partnership rather than a strictly "man lead, woman follow" scenario, where both parties use their strengths and help each other. A man might "follow" the woman in learning how to open up and share more about his inner life, while a woman might "follow" a man in tackling problems in a more practical bold way.

Third, relationships help us grow and motivate change . . . so I don't think we need to wait until we are at the perfect, settled place to seek one. I certainly agree that people shouldn't seek a relationship if they know the aren't willing/able to be in one, or if they have no motivation to give to one or provide for one (and I am thinking this is what Tiffiany was getting at in the original post). Yet I do think schooling can be finished, careers established, living situations resolved etc. while dating. I think everyone has areas of their life where they do not "have-it-together" and we will always have those so long as we are human. laughing Again, I think this is a matter of what God is inviting the person to and when, and also what we are willing to give/offer another person.

Anyhow, I think there are lots of good topics for discussion in this thread and lots of good food for thought!

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03/25/2013 new
Sarah, Thank you for clarifying and adding some real substance to this topic. I would agree with you that there are different definitions of "ambition" and perhaps I should have clarified. Just to be clear, I am not looking for someone who is so consumed with climbing the corporate ladder that he doesn't put God and family first. However, I do want someone who is ambitious in the sense that he is striving 110% to be the best man he can be and live out God's will for his life. Now if someone is working in a field such as the ministry, like I clarified in my original post, I understand that that is a particular calling on their life and that they may not take another position because they do not feel it is the right time or God hasn't given them a peace about it. However, what I was moreso referring to in my original thread is someone who refuses to move up in their career because they grow complacent and see "being happy where they are" as more important than taking a position which may require more work, responsibility, or hours. If this person is single, it makes no sense why they wouldn't do this because if they are thinking about a "future" with a woman then I feel they should be focusing on trying to make thenselves as financially set and ready for when they day comes that they do get married. Personally, I am currently a Personal Assistant and have been a Nanny many times. I love my current job and loved being a Nanny because I adore kids, but realize that I have certain financial obligations and a place I want to be in financially in the next few years so that when I do get married I'll be in a better position financially (hopefully debt-free and at a point in my career that I can mostly work from home). So, though it would be "easier" or "more comfortable" to stay where I am in life, I plan ahead for future obligations. I feel that men should especially be doing this, particularly if they want to be a leader of their future houeshold--and I am seeking a leader. I have absolutely no problem with someone who is still in school, just starting out in a new job, etc. trying to pursue me. I also mentioned this in my original post. Like you stated, our lives will ever be changing and evolving and there is also uncertainties that come along with it--such as a layoff, loss of financial aid for school, having to leave a job or school to take care of a family member, etc. HOWEVER, what I do have a problem with is men trying to pursue me--or any woman for that matter--who seem clueless about their life, their job, what they want to do in life, what they want for their future, etc. etc. I feel like these men should "get it together" a bit before trying to find a woman to date; it's the old "work on yourself first a bit" before trying to add a woman to the equation. An example would be if you are in you are a man, in your late 20's or older, don't have an education, don't have a job, and are still trying to "figure life out" then I feel your time should be spent focusing on seeming God's will and self-improvement and advancement and less time should be spent on trying to find a girlfriend. Some women are perfectly okay with the notion of having to be the breadwinner but I am not one of them. I am willing to pull my fair share of the load and contribute in my own ways once I am married, but I don't want to marry a free-loader who's on the fast-track to nowhere. And because I wouldn't marry a man like that, I certainly wouldn't date one either. I hope all of this can be understood in the sense that I do speak solely for myself because I will not speak for others. However, I feel like the majority of women want a man who can be a leader--and do so in many aspects--relationally, spiritually, financially, and otherwise. There are strong men out there but many of them see to be hiding.
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03/25/2013 new

(Quote) Tiffiany-902101 said: Exactly. Back in Biblical days if the man could not support the woman financ...
(Quote) Tiffiany-902101 said:

Exactly. Back in Biblical days if the man could not support the woman financially there is no way her father would trust him to take care of her. It should be the same way today. Even though we women tend to be a bit more independent and educated today than in Biblical days or even 50 years ago, we still want a leader. Most men get intimidated by women who are educated, opinionated, intelligent, etc. etc. But the truth is that it is such a turn on when a man takes a risk with one of us. Afterall, doesn't he want his future children to have a strong, educated, and intelligent mother? I would certainly hope so. For society's sake and the sake of his children in case something was to happen to him.

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I understand what you are saying. However, part of the problem with our economy is that women, especially those under 40, get a disproportinate amount of the good jobs. I am 6 weeks of graduating from my MBA program and have had a very hard time so far in my job inteviewing. I got laid off from my full time job a few years ago and have been living off loans and part time work. Yet, it seems the women in my program have the best jobs and seem to get the best opportunities in modern society. Furthermore, larger companies now offer overly generous paid maternity leave programs that ensure that women maintain these high profile positions when they return. This reality, in combination with our weak Obama economy, is making it very hard for men to be the providers that you seek.

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