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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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Mar 26th 2013 new

(Quote) Ray-566531 said: Yes, Kelly, that's what happens. But, when you think about it, that's what we do with our l...
(Quote) Ray-566531 said:

Yes, Kelly, that's what happens. But, when you think about it, that's what we do with our loved ones. We make our inner selves known, therefore, become vulnerable. What we want to know is if we can trust the other person not to take advantage of our vulnerability. Yet, unless we make ourselves vulnerable, we're not truly as involved as we should be. Our hope is that it is working both ways, and neither one is prone to emotional blackmailing. Once you're involved with someone, it's near impossible to be objective.

Maybe the question to ask ourselves is not "Does my loved one care for me as much?", but rather, "Can I pour out my inner self and be assured of that person's trust?" If you can't say "Yes" to the latter, then don't let your guard down.

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That is a good question to ask ourselves, Ray. Thank you!

Mar 26th 2013 new

I don't think guarding your heart and being guarded as the same thing. I see guarding your heart means knowing when to be vulnerable at the right time.


Its more about managing your expectations and knowing when the right time is.

Mar 26th 2013 new

I think part of guarding your heart is guarding your thoughts. Women in particular get WAY ahead of themselves with their thinking, which then leads their heart to places they might not have arrived at, if they have been a better steward of their thoughts.

One should not have a wedding planned in one's head on the third date. Ask, is what I am thinking about appropriate for where we are at right now? That should help.

The other thing is making yourself vulnerable in bits, not in fell swoops. Share a little something and see how the other person reacts, and how you feel. If all is good, share a little something more next time, and so on.

We give power away to people in our lives, but we should be sure they are deserving of and respectful of that gift before we give it.

Mar 26th 2013 new

(Quote) Kelly-846180 said: This topic is something I think many of us singles struggle with as we get to know others and dat...
(Quote) Kelly-846180 said:

This topic is something I think many of us singles struggle with as we get to know others and date. If anyone has any advice, I'm all ears!


I think it is important that we protect ourselves and guard our hearts, but this can only go so far. At some point, we need to be open to giving ourselves emotionally to another person. Finding the balance between the two is where I personally struggle! I'm usually either too extreme one way or another.

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Two words: emotional chastity. Ugh. laughing But I'm reading the book on it to perfect my art. wink

Mar 26th 2013 new

Your so very right!!!

Mar 27th 2013 new

(Quote) Ray-566531 said: Oh, Chelle, she's not talking about cigarettes?????
(Quote) Ray-566531 said:

Oh, Chelle, she's not talking about cigarettes?????

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Thank goodness, Ray!! I quit smoking a few years ago! flamed Chelle

Mar 27th 2013 new

Allowing oneself to be vulnerable is a difficult thing, but in doing so we are showing our true selves and are more likely to find exactly what we want. I've often debated how much I feel guarding myself is necessary versus how much I'd rather just be myself right from the start, even if it comes at the risk losing someone I may have otherwise obtained as a contact, and I've come to this conclusion. I'd recommend leaning on the side being yourself and being vulnerable, on the notion that the person who is going to be best for you is going to accept you for who you are right from the start and if someone doesn't it might hurt initially, but that person likely wasn't worth it and you'll recover. I've lost a contact easily by making myself vulnerable, discussing a part of my past where I felt I made mistake, but acknowledging it was a mistake I would never make again. That person likely felt I couldn't be trusted, didn't want to take a chance on me, or felt it wasn't something I could be forgiven for, but whatever the case was it was the people I was open to about that same thing who accepted my fault, and acknowledged my will to become a better person that truly have become wonderful people to talk to.

One of my strongest contacts asked me a ton of questions in response to my first message, and rather than get deterred by it, I welcomed it, and responded with a large thoughtful message to which she responded in a similar manner. From that point our messages escalated and we got to know the bulk of one another's backgrounds within a week. Even now we maintain a strong connection, actively messaging one another about what's currently going on in our lives. The point I'm getting at is, this contact risked coming off as too strong or pushy, by asking as much as she did and by responding the way she did, but for the right person they won't see it as those things, they'll see it as a notable level of interest, and someone who genuinely knows what they're looking for. There are clear benefits to guarding oneself, though I think as another poster mentioned perhaps the usage of filters is a more effective means of finding what you're looking for with less risk of getting hurt. That said, I think the benefit of being able to be yourself around someone else, and get accepted for it is one of the greatest feelings you will ever experience.

Mar 27th 2013 new

Hi, It's a choice. I personally open up in stages. The more someone gains my trust, the more I open up. I pray for protection; gaurded lips, mind, and heart. A most important rule most fail to realize, is to see whether someone talks about others behind their backs - NOT a good sign to be open to that personality type. If I meet someone and they are constantly talking about other's in a bad way - I know I cannot trust them.

Mar 27th 2013 new

(Quote) Pat-5351 said: I think part of guarding your heart is guarding your thoughts.
(Quote) Pat-5351 said:

I think part of guarding your heart is guarding your thoughts.

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Yes. Huge part of it. Allow the Holy Spirit to wash/sift/clean ALL thoughts.

Mar 27th 2013 new

I disagree.

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