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A place to learn, mingle, and share

This room is dedicated to those who are facing the challenge of raising children without the support of a spouse. This is a place to share ideas and lend mutual support.

Saint Rita is known to be a patroness for abused wives and mourning women.
Learn More: Saint Rita

Adopted Parent

Mar 27th 2013 new

Hello, I've recently adopted 2 kids from overseas. Though they are 5 and ~8, they're about 2 and 3 emotionally/ experientially (now that they've been here 10 weeks).

I had no idea what I was getting into.

Any advice is appreciated from parents of adopted /special needs kids.

Advice for normal american kids my age really doesn't apply . But God bless us all.

Mar 27th 2013 new

(Quote) Emma-815522 said: Hello, I've recently adopted 2 kids from overseas. Though they are 5 and ~8, they're about...
(Quote) Emma-815522 said:

Hello, I've recently adopted 2 kids from overseas. Though they are 5 and ~8, they're about 2 and 3 emotionally/ experientially (now that they've been here 10 weeks).

I had no idea what I was getting into.

Any advice is appreciated from parents of adopted /special needs kids.

Advice for normal american kids my age really doesn't apply . But God bless us all.

--hide--
Emma, I'm not going to be much help in answering your question, but there are people on this site who have special needs children. The adoption angle adds another dimension to this because you don't really know much (if anything) about their background. It's probably sketchy, at best.

Hopefully, some of the other members will see your request and step forward. People in the forums are willing to help when they can.

My own purpose is to say, "Welcome" to the CM forums. If you've been browsing, you'll have discovered the various topics available -- from the serious to silly. Something for everyone basically. We hope you will join us in the other "rooms" when you have a chance. It's a good place to get to know people. As you get acquainted with the forum's Cast of Characters, you'll likely encounter more people who can give you some practical advice.

Adoption is a big step and it may be scary for you now, but give it some time and you'll do just fine. Don't forget to take a little "time-out" for yourself occasionally. You'll need it (as any parent does -- especially the single ones).

Mar 27th 2013 new

Emma I admore you. You are one great woman. God bless you and your children. You and your chidlren are in my prayers.

Mar 27th 2013 new

(Quote) Emma-815522 said:
(Quote) Emma-815522 said:

--hide--


I'm sending you a big hug from the waist of the Americas!!! I have 2 adopted cousins, but they were adopted from birth.

As a teacher, I'd advise to use the resources of the school they will go to - before they can start school! You, the children and the school will benefit. There are wonderful support groups in the States. The school and / or the adopting agencies (even orphanages!) will point you in the right direction.

Praying Praying Praying Know that you are not alone: Mother Mary IS with you! Pray to YOUR childrens' Guardian Angels, too.

Mari

Mar 27th 2013 new

Are they siblings?

Mar 27th 2013 new
Emma, I've added you to my prayer list. I have a little advice that I hope is helpful. 1) do whatever necessary to maintain your own equilibrium. 2), seek out services-- any & all services that work for your children- play therapists, Speech therapists, OTs, PTs... We have a local pt/social group setting w a trampoline & a lot of gross motor- which all the kids seem to love. 3), in those waiting rooms you will meet parents Of atypical kids who struggle with tantrums, inappropriate responses, and the like. There you will find wisdom, support & play mates. 4) Practical advice- try a picture schedule & a morning briefing to help everyone prepare for the day and feel some type of control. 5) Physical exercise is a great way to divert & channel emotional anxieties. I've only been a single mom of 1 terrific, but special needs child. Many of the best solutions over the years have been simple interventions that would help any child-- for example, my son had hourly "movement breaks" of 5-10 minutes written into his IEP. Some kids need quiet breaks. Lastly, hard won achievements are the sweetest. God bless.
Mar 28th 2013 new

You are an inspiration, I've always wanted to adopt and also have a special spot in my heart for special needs children, i've worked with that community in the past and it was fulfilling, I hope and pray in the near future, I'm able to adopt as well. God's blessings to you, have you been able to enroll them in school and have spoken to a social worker in your district? Perhaps you can attend some mommy groups especially for special needs kids or play groups.

Mar 28th 2013 new

hug "Whoever welcomes this little child in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me welcomes the one who sent me....." (Luke 9:48)

Mar 29th 2013 new

(Quote) Emma-815522 said: Hello, I've recently adopted 2 kids from overseas. I had no idea what I was getting into. ...
(Quote) Emma-815522 said:

Hello, I've recently adopted 2 kids from overseas. I had no idea what I was getting into.

--hide--
Hello, Emma, and welcome to Catholic Match! First of all, a big spiritual hug to you, to help you calm down and realize that you are not alone. You are part of the Mystical Body of Christ, as are your little new children. So you are connected even though it may not feel like it.

I am a licensed marriage and family therapist and have worked w/adopted children, including one international case of 2 siblings, although it was yrs after the adoption. International adoptions are very unique and as others have mentioned, they offer many challenges.

1. Work with your professional support system. I would redirect you to the agency through which you adopted the children. Did they offer you any trainings, resources? If so, refer back to that information. You also want to connect, as others have said, with your social worker thru your local Dept of Human Services. Find a therapist experinced in adoptions and working with young children who have attachment issues.Google child therapists in your area. Check out the Psychology Today website for local therapists w/expertise on children. I work at a very small, privately owned outpatient clinic, so I'm not high on the professional "radar." Other professionals may include physical therapist, occupational therapist, speech and language pathologist. Pediatrician, psychiatrist if needed. Local resources for you may include Catholic Social Services, Children's Service Society, Lutheran Social Services. Our local Catholic Social Services group has Moms Night Out in area towns; I get emails abt that. Our local Catholic Social Services also offers trainings to adoptive parents and therapists. The most recent presentation was by Deborah D. Gray, who wrote "Nurturing Adoptions." Book is excellent; presentation was excellent.

2. Work with your presonal support system. A "welcome children!" party from your family, reaching out to your siblings, parents, friends. Coffee w/girlfriends, play dates w/other parents and children.

3. Your church connection.You are part of the Mystical Body of Christ, as are your little new children. I've attended a baptism ceremony of two adopted siblings w/whom I've worked for going on 2 yrs.

Just some quick ideas. Most importantly go back to where you started your adoption journey and take advantage of the resources offered there. Dig in, ask questions. Seek support; you deserve it. Blessings to you; you're doing God's work.

Apr 1st 2013 new

"

(Quote) Emma-815522 said: Hello, I've recently adopted 2 kids from overseas. Though they are 5 and ~8, they're about...
(Quote) Emma-815522 said:

Hello, I've recently adopted 2 kids from overseas. Though they are 5 and ~8, they're about 2 and 3 emotionally/ experientially (now that they've been here 10 weeks).

I had no idea what I was getting into.

Any advice is appreciated from parents of adopted /special needs kids.

Advice for normal american kids my age really doesn't apply . But God bless us all.

--hide--

Hi Emma,

I assume because your kids are older and were adopted from overseas that they were raised in institutions? I adopted two children with medical and behavioral issues through foster care - my daughter was 16 months old when I adopted her, and my son was 3-1/2 when I adopted him a year later. They both had attachment disorders and our normal was much different than other families' normal. He was developmentally delayed and diagnosed with ODD (oppositional defiant disorder) and spent the first few months slamming his head into the floor every time I talked to/tried to comfort him. My daughter and I saw an attachment counselor for about a year when she was 17 years and while it was extremely helpful, I really believe our family would have benefited by early attachment therapy for both kids. My kids both had "disinhibited behavior" which in my son meant he hugged everyone, in my daughter she attached herself to people she just met. She was/is extremely charming, but in the beginning it was all surface charm with no real connection - and none of that charm was wasted on me. We did bond, it was actually helped by her heart surgery when she was 22 months old - she started to trust me and rely on me, I guess. There were continuing problems with both kids as they grew up - it was better until they hit 12ish, then the problems started to escalate again.

www.mayoclinic.com

"Inhibited behavior. Children with inhibited behavior shun relationships and attachments to virtually everyone. This may happen when a baby never has the chance to develop an attachment to any caregiver."

"Disinhibited behavior. Children with disinhibited behavior seek attention from virtually everyone, including strangers. This may happen when a baby has multiple caregivers or frequent changes in caregivers. Children with this type of reactive attachment disorder may frequently ask for help doing tasks, have inappropriately childish behavior or appear anxious. "

I would be happy to help in any way I can, but I think you'll need to rely on a good behavior therapist and at some point an attachment therapist (if attachment IS one of their issues). Our behavior therapist helped me to retrain my son to stop banging his head (the most concerning of his behaviors).

God bless you all!

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