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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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I'm guessing back then if you told someone you had a first date, they would say, "great, have fun."


They probably didn't say "be careful" that much.


How did things get more complicated and scary today?

Mar 30th 2013 new

Having no personal knowledge of the '50s, I think I can safely say that society has gotten more immoral. I think we're definitely less modest, which can lead to temptation and impurity. The world has also "gotten smaller"; I don't really think people separated by great distance met each other in the '50s. Long distance was expensive, there was no Internet; granted, there were letters, but somehow I can't imagine many people fostering a relationship over that medium if they had never met in person before. So you're "stuck" with the people in your near area, whom you've either grown up with or know them well anyway - neighbors and communities tended to be tighter then as well (?)... And parents raised their kids with discipline to be respectful and honest, and if they weren't, the parents would probably hear about it because the community was so tight. The offending youngling might even have been disciplined by another adult, so then they would get it again when the parents found out. ;) Of course, with every society, there were inevitably problems; one thing I've realized is that it's nice to look back at simpler times that seemed so easy, but inevitably there is something that somewhat taints the impression. God in His Infinite Goodness has seen fit to place us in this time and place, and has provided us with the Grace to withstand, and that's an encouraging thought. :)

Mar 30th 2013 new

Courtship used to be the convention, not dating. If you were courting someone, you likely would go over to their house andly spend time with their family...not time alone with each other in an anonymous setting where you didn't know anyone else. The urbanization of America and the easy access to automobiles has changed that...and probably not for the good.

Mar 31st 2013 new

(Quote) Julie-42315 said: I'm guessing back then if you told someone you had a first date, they would say, "great, ...
(Quote) Julie-42315 said:

I'm guessing back then if you told someone you had a first date, they would say, "great, have fun."


They probably didn't say "be careful" that much.


How did things get more complicated and scary today?

--hide--


Being 31, I have no clue, but I remember hearing something about parents giving their daughter a quarter in case she needed a ride (like if her date tried something, etc.). Also, I'm sure people slept around, but out-of-wedlock pregnancies were covered up (shipping Susie to her aunt's). Today, they're just normal I remember in either '95 or '96 (I just remember I was a freshman in high school) I attended a baby shower for my cousin who was a senior in high school. We wanted to support her, even under the circumstances. I was shocked to see her friends coming in with babies and wheeling around strollers! I seriously was speechless and dumbfounded. It was like the Twilight Zone. I ran my happy butt to Catholic school the next day. I still can't wrap my head around girls who send out baby shower invitations in high school. I'm not saying they're prideful, but they're definitely not hiding anything.

Mar 31st 2013 new

Dating in the 1950s was like dating in current times. All the men wondering where the good single women are. All the women wondering where the good single men are.

Apr 2nd 2013 new

How old are your parents? Have you ever talked with your folks about how they "dated" back in the day? My folks dated in the late 50's. It was the same as it is now. Guys always want something. Girls are supposed to play hard to get. yes ... the venues have changed, the mailbox is now digital. the movies are newer. back seats of the cars are smaller. But generally, after hearing stories of how so & so was dating lots of girls and finally ended up with ms. whatshername, and how people meet or don't meet, etc., etc., same stories, different eras.

people back in the 50's weren't all Susie & Tommy and meeting at the church pie social and perfect angels and Hollywood depictions. and Mr. X threw a baby shower in 1956 for his first grandson who was born when the parents were still in high school. yes, scandelous - but who cares. it'd be scandelous now in certain circles too. and dating in college was the same as it is now.

the one thing that is probably different is the number of potential people we can date. the world is smaller than it was. more people go to college. you are not expected to meet someone at 15, get married at 18, and be done having children at 30 and die or be widowed at 60. my folks didn't believe in following the expectations.

Apr 2nd 2013 new

(Quote) Julie-42315 said: I'm guessing back then if you told someone you had a first date, they would say, "great, ...
(Quote) Julie-42315 said:

I'm guessing back then if you told someone you had a first date, they would say, "great, have fun."


They probably didn't say "be careful" that much.


How did things get more complicated and scary today?

--hide--

Things got more complicated with changing mores. "Mad Men," attempted to show, during its first two seasons, that the lifestyles depicted on the television programs of the late 50s and early 60s were accurate only in that sophisticated people (Tony Nelson, Darrin and Sam Stevens) drank cocktails after work or while entertaining. The program explores the fact that single women were sexually active but discretion was a must, and that some housewives were unfilled and frustrated even without Betty Friedan's book. . .

Now, in Kansas, my best friend's parents (also cousins to me) dated in the late 1950s. The expectations were to have fun, but there was no issue with a girl accepting occasion dates (for functions) with different boys. If a couple attended more than a couple dances together, then they were usually considered an item. Boys still wanted something, but girls were only likely to stay in the front seat, unless they were seriously involved and even then going all the way was somewhat rare (at least in Kansas). If you did go all the way, it was usually in college and an engagement was immeninent, and you NEVER told your buddies about your best girl in that capacity. Girls wore dresses or skirts on most dates (making many think it would be easier to advance); the complication of nylons and rubber-latex foundation garments made it next to impossible to go very far even in a huge automobile and actually promoted chastity.

My friend's dad dated his mother in high school and she dropped him when he went to play football for KU. Groupies were picked up by other guys on the team, and girls in college that were loose were passed around; guys often cheated on a girl who was chaste because they respected her and went with the groupies to slake their desires. . .

There was a societal expectation, though, that dating would lead to marriage at a certain point. . . if you went with someone more than a few times.

Apr 2nd 2013 new

(Quote) Lynn-189934 said: Things got more complicated with changing mores. "Mad Men," attempted to show, ...
(Quote) Lynn-189934 said:

Things got more complicated with changing mores. "Mad Men," attempted to show, during its first two seasons, that the lifestyles depicted on the television programs of the late 50s and early 60s were accurate only in that sophisticated people (Tony Nelson, Darrin and Sam Stevens) drank cocktails after work or while entertaining. The program explores the fact that single women were sexually active but discretion was a must, and that some housewives were unfilled and frustrated even without Betty Friedan's book. . .

Now, in Kansas, my best friend's parents (also cousins to me) dated in the late 1950s. The expectations were to have fun, but there was no issue with a girl accepting occasion dates (for functions) with different boys. If a couple attended more than a couple dances together, then they were usually considered an item. Boys still wanted something, but girls were only likely to stay in the front seat, unless they were seriously involved and even then going all the way was somewhat rare (at least in Kansas). If you did go all the way, it was usually in college and an engagement was immeninent, and you NEVER told your buddies about your best girl in that capacity. Girls wore dresses or skirts on most dates (making many think it would be easier to advance); the complication of nylons and rubber-latex foundation garments made it next to impossible to go very far even in a huge automobile and actually promoted chastity.

My friend's dad dated his mother in high school and she dropped him when he went to play football for KU. Groupies were picked up by other guys on the team, and girls in college that were loose were passed around; guys often cheated on a girl who was chaste because they respected her and went with the groupies to slake their desires. . .

There was a societal expectation, though, that dating would lead to marriage at a certain point. . . if you went with someone more than a few times.

--hide--


Sounds right. My mother once told me that dances were very popular for meeting people and that the drinking didn't get out of hand at them. She also said that roller rinks were fun and popular for a Friday or Saturday night, she lived very close to one. She also said if a couple went away for the weekend and they weren't married that was considered a big scandal. It was shocking and scandolous when news about the Tracy/Hepburn affair broke out!

Apr 2nd 2013 new

(Quote) Julie-42315 said: Sounds right. My mother once told me that dances were very popular for meeting people...
(Quote) Julie-42315 said:


Sounds right. My mother once told me that dances were very popular for meeting people and that the drinking didn't get out of hand at them. She also said that roller rinks were fun and popular for a Friday or Saturday night, she lived very close to one. She also said if a couple went away for the weekend and they weren't married that was considered a big scandal. It was shocking and scandolous when news about the Tracy/Hepburn affair broke out!

--hide--


Only TWO couples in the whole high school were known, during high school, to be sexually active. The woman disappeared for a semester and summer and came back. . . the other got married during second semester (for the girl, the boy was out already). Those who were openly active were frowned upon HEAVILY. In Kansas, beer (3.2) was considered legal to drink while driving as it was a "non-intoxicating" beverage. The girls, who didn't have sports, were more likely to drink than boys during the school year and would drive around with a six pack and smoke.

Apr 2nd 2013 new

I have been reading the posts concerning dating in the '50's. Since none ot the people who posted were around to date then, I'll offer some of what my daing experiences were. First off our parents were our examples of what love and marriage was about. I can say that all of my friends were from 2 parent families and were raised with curfews, chores, and all the other "mean" things that parents demanded. We attended school, Church was not something that we could choose to attend, we went as a family and went to confession every week. Our social sphere was the schools and our churches, our tv entertainment was limited, and there were no video games. So our world was very limited back then in one sense, but we interacted face to face which in my view is still the best way to meet people. Dating was very simple, one met a boy, went to a movie, out for a bite and home, where at least one parent was waiting up. School dances were well chaparoned, parents new when they started and when they ended, so one had better be back by a certain time. I am sure back seats were used by some but when one has parental supervision, one doesn't have much leeway to stray. I know all this sounds foreign to you younger people, who grew up in a shrinking world where parents aremore liberal, but I can tell you that I am no worse for my limited experience. I met my husband of 50 years when we were seniors in different parochial schools. His sophomore in college we were married, had the first of five sons when he graduated from college. Our boys dated to most of the same rules that my husband and I were brought up. Of course because of changing times there was always compromises that we could live with. They boys have all been married for over 20 years so those rules that we and they lived by haven't done us a disservice. I realize all this sound very simple, but it was not much easier to live a chaste life then than it is now. We were faced with the same physical challenge that today challenge people in the dating scene. Maybe the world looks on these challenges in a different light of the "sexual Freedom" but I don't think God does. Stick to your values, believe it or not at my age it is still difficult to find a gentleman who agrees that ones immortal soul is more important "sexual freedom". Maybe someday I'll me another man like my late spouse, that will think I am worth the wait. But until, I am enjoying living a full life, with respect for God, Myself and Others.


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