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This room is for those who have lost a spouse and need support or who can provide support to those who have.

Saint Paula is the patron saint of widows and Saint Stephen is the patron saint of deacons
Learn More: Saint Stephen and Saint Paula

Apr 25th 2013 new

(Quote) Ray-914631 said: This topic is a really good question, one I never thought of. I suppose if the picture of the dead ...
(Quote) Ray-914631 said:

This topic is a really good question, one I never thought of. I suppose if the picture of the dead husband was kept in a back room I wouldnt mind. I am very easy going, but in all honesty, I think having to see a picture of old Chester in my living room might annoy me after a while. If Chester took good care of his wife and she wasnt left destitute, than I might be more accomodating and leave him up. But having waited all my life to get married, I dont know if I feel like playing fiddle with a ghost. Spitballs could be in order.

--hide--
thumbsup i like the spitballs thing!

Apr 25th 2013 new

(Quote) Ray-914631 said: But having waited all my life to get married, I dont know if I feel like playing fiddle with a ghos...
(Quote) Ray-914631 said:

But having waited all my life to get married, I dont know if I feel like playing fiddle with a ghost. Spitballs could be in order.

--hide--


I don't see where you would be playing 2nd fiddle to a ghost. The reality is if you marry someone who is widowed they have a past marriage, and most likely a relationship that meant a lot to that person. I know people who have remaried after being widowed and their new husband recognizes and respects the fact that he is not this womans first love, but it doesn't change the fact that he is not greatly loved by his spouse.


Would you have a problem if your spouse had pictures of their deceased parents in the house, would you want to spitball those as well? I think pictures are away of remembering a person that was special in your life, and it doesn't mean that others won't be special.


I know that there is NO ONE that can replace my beloved late wife, and I'm not looking for someone to replace her. That said, I do feel ready to love again. Should God put a special lady in my life she will need to understand that she my late wife and I had a very special relationship and she will always have a special place in my heart with or without pictures on the wall. I'm also not suggesting that the house has to be plastered with pictures of the deceased spouse, but I don't see a problem with a couple of small well placed pictures. Certainly I wouldn't feel comfortable if my spouse wanted to keep up a 11x14" wedding picture, I would want that wedding picture to be of our wedding.


In my humble opinion the whole spitball comment shows an incredible lack of respect, but I'll jumb off my soapbox .

Apr 25th 2013 new

Hi Marge, I too have thought about this a lot. Especiallys since I have been widowed twice. When my first husband passed I still had children at home and therefore, photos were important. We kept them in their rooms primarily. About 5 years after he passed I remarried with a widower with children. Since my first marriage wasn't all that wonderful, I did not have photos of him displayed around the home. But marrying a widower you have to take in and understand what that family has been through too. So I had one of their family photos (with their Mom) copied for each child. I also had copies made of my children's father's photos for them. I did not want the photos of my second husband's late wife on prominent display in our home, nor did my second husband want photos of my first husband on prominent display. When and if I enter into a 3rd serious relationship I will remove my second husband' photos from prominent display-----it's not a matter of competition with a late spouse but a beginning for the new relationship that matters at that point in time. I would not want to see a deceased spouse's photo say, for instance, in the bedroom, etc..

Melissa

Apr 25th 2013 new

I agree melissa. That 13" x 19" wedding photo would be annoying in bedroom or living room where I am trying to relax. It would be especially unnerving if it was one of those portrait photos where old Chesters eyes follow you wherever you go in the room. As I suggested earlier if the spouse wanted to devote a little room for pictures of Chester, that would be ok because I wouldnt have to sit in there.

If Chester did a good job of providing for his former spouse I would be willing to be more accomodating.

Apr 25th 2013 new

No spitballs though, Ray. That would really be insentative..................Melissa

Apr 25th 2013 new

I think it must be very hard for someone who's not been happily married to think along these lines.

That said, my mother always claimed that if you married a widower, you were marrying someone who was still in love. Then she went and married a widower after my dad died. rolling eyes

Jun 5th 2013 new
tongue How about mustaches drawn on first wife's face with a Sharpie?
Jun 5th 2013 new
I would keep them in a photo album not on display, that is for your new life with you New husband or wife...You do not forget them as they are a part of you life, but that part is gone, you have begun a new one.... A new house for you and you new mate should be filled with memories of you two together.... You both can pull out albums and look back when you want but 3 or 4 in a new marriage is extra baggage...
Jun 6th 2013 new
Paul that is very harsh to say about the new spouse. You can both hang your late spouses next to your wedding picture. Being both have made us what you are today. Both should honor their late spouses., but one has to recognize you must live in the present and not the past.
Jun 6th 2013 new
I agree with Paul. You don't need the photo that follows you around a room. No late spouse should be in a bedroom or major part of the home. Right now the photo of my husband is in my family room for my comfort and for my grandchildren. They like to talk about Grand pa and how he influence them. After 41 years of marriage , I fell I am what I am because of my husband. He made the woman I am today. We don't throw away pictures of our past, because we start a new ;we cherish them. That being said we keep the memories in an album or keep a photo to remind us of the face of our l Iost love. The new person in our life should respect this, because that is who we are. A memorial spot should be a place for reflection . I thought about taking the one down in my family room, because it Is place of must gatherings. Until I meet the man of my dreams the picture will stay, after that it will be given to my kids or grand daughters.
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