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A place to learn, mingle, and share

Devoted to discussion pertaining to those issues which are specifically relevant to people 45+. Topics must have a specific perspective of people in this age group for it to be on topic.

The story of Abraham and Sarah is told in chapters 11-25 of the book of Genesis.
Learn More:Abraham & Sarah

Apr 14th 2013 new

(Quote) Monica-730858 said: And....I just noticed this is 45+ forum...sorry Off to leave unsolicited advice elsewhere.
(Quote) Monica-730858 said: And....I just noticed this is 45+ forum...sorry Off to leave unsolicited advice elsewhere.
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Monica, I appreciate your input even if you are underage winkLOL. I might have been wiser to start this in the Divorced Forum! It is a question I think affects all Catholics hoping to discover or rediscover the spouse God intends for us!

Thank you for your thoughts.

Apr 14th 2013 new

(Quote) Margo-404841 said: The timing of this conversation is so interesting. My dear friend and I had a similar conversatio...
(Quote) Margo-404841 said:

The timing of this conversation is so interesting. My dear friend and I had a similar conversation last weekend. She is feeling prompted to pursue an annulment now that her ex-husband is getting married for the 3rd time. (She was the 2nd wife.)

As for me, I pursued my annulment before I would allow myself to date. I refused to believe that my marriage had been sacramental. I needed the validation from the church that what I had experienced was not a healthy marriage. I take full responsibility for my share of that unhealthy marriage. I received my annulment less than 2 yrs after the divorce. It was 27 typewritten pages. I went to a therapist to process my life while working on the annulment. The money, time and tears were well spent.

Many years later, I became a licensed marriage and family therapist. God has a great sense of humor!

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I think that it is so essential to have the healing period during and after the annulment. So many people skip that step and end being even less prepared for their next marriage due to the baggage of the previous. It is no wonder some people think that annulments are being handed out like candy. We have an onslaught of non-sacramental marriages as many are not willing to take the time to prepare for them. Just like the priesthood or any other vocation marriage is a vocation and sacrament and should not be entered into lightly or without preparation. There is a reason the annulment paperwork asks you to seek counselling before entering another relationship or marriage. We have to stop and regroup so that we do not make the same mistake twice. I am not surprised that you are a therapist. Lots of wisdom from you constantly.

Apr 14th 2013 new

[quote]Shara-929649 said:

I think that it is so essential to have the healing period during and after the annulment. So many people skip that step and end being even less prepared for their next marriage due to the baggage of the previous. It is no wonder some people think that annulments are being handed out like candy. We have an onslaught of non-sacramental marriages as many are not willing to take the time to prepare for them. Just like the priesthood or any other vocation marriage is a vocation and sacrament and should not be entered into lightly or without preparation. There is a reason the annulment paperwork asks you to seek counselling before entering another relationship or marriage. We have to stop and regroup so that we do not make the same mistake twice.[/quote}


WOW, well said. Thank you.

Apr 15th 2013 new

People talk a lot about of annulments, i think the only reason i would get one is as if i met someone who really cared about one as for me i would just as soon give the money to a homless shelter and call it a day

Apr 15th 2013 new

(Quote) Ray-566531 said: That's a very real feeling that holds many people back. It's stirring up old wounds and can...
(Quote) Ray-566531 said:

That's a very real feeling that holds many people back. It's stirring up old wounds and can bring back many unpleasant memories. In other words, it can be a stressful process.

Nevertheless, people are encouraged to initiate the process as soon as they are able. If the marriage was that traumatic, the time element seems to be less important -- it will hurt whenever it begins. It's helpful to seek an annulment as soon as possible while details are more readily recalled by those involved -- including witnesses. Also, witnesses can vanish as time passes -- they may be difficult or impossible to locate. Also, a person may be comforted in knowing if an annulment has been granted. That doesn't always happen, and more hurting can result. No one wants to relive unpleasant memories, but in real life it becomes necessary at times.

That narrow road is difficult to travel.....

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The part about witnesses not around anymore can cause problems. I have heard that many times from people that put it off. The church must have some backup plan for those cases, one would think.

Apr 15th 2013 new

(Quote) Laura-56149 said: The part about witnesses not around anymore can cause problems. I have heard that many tim...
(Quote) Laura-56149 said:



The part about witnesses not around anymore can cause problems. I have heard that many times from people that put it off. The church must have some backup plan for those cases, one would think.

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There is a backup plan: It's called "No Annulment". Actually the process becomes delayed or not granted. Because each case is judged on its own merits, the tribunal must decide on te basis of available information. If statements from witnesses are indeed required, a favorable decree is difficult to obtain, if at all.

Apr 15th 2013 new

(Quote) Laura-56149 said: The part about witnesses not around anymore can cause problems. I have heard that many times from ...
(Quote) Laura-56149 said:

The part about witnesses not around anymore can cause problems. I have heard that many times from people that put it off. The church must have some backup plan for those cases, one would think.

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It is true that if enough years lapse, your witnesses may pass on. I had no living witnesses who could provide information about my ex or about me at the time we were married but the Tribunal accepted my husband's mental health diagnosis and his written testimony about the marriage. They seem to try to really understand the conditions which existed at the time of the marriage in order to determine if it was valid or not.

Apr 15th 2013 new

(Quote) Laura-56149 said: The part about witnesses not around anymore can cause problems. I have heard that many times from ...
(Quote) Laura-56149 said:

The part about witnesses not around anymore can cause problems. I have heard that many times from people that put it off. The church must have some backup plan for those cases, one would think.

--hide--


In my personal situation, I had one witness who did delay in filling out the paperwork. However, it didn't cause a problem. I was not in a hurry to finalize the annulment anyway.


I think it would be more of a problem if the witness chose not to respond at all. Then you would need to discuss that situation with your advocate at the tribunal office. Perhaps it would be a good thing to have another witness in mind as you begin the process or even name that "extra" person as witness if you think there might be a problem getting a response. Again, consulting with your advocate will help with any of your questions or misgivings. Remember, they are the trained professionals who are there to help!

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