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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.
Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael
Gary Chapman's book The Five Love Languages helps determine how we can best "speak" to those we are in relationship with.
If you know that your significant other's primary love language is quality time, for example, then you will try to make that a priority through active listening, lots of eye contact, etc. Hopefully, your SO will be aware of your primary love language as well so that you can mutually show your love & respect for each other.
I think there should be reciprocity in a relationship or it becomes lopsided. Some people are selfish & will continue so unless we show some degree of assertiveness.
Peter, I pulled out a couple of your statements to help describe the concept of selfishness. When someone demands (can be subtle or blatant) that he/she is the one who "deserves" all (or even the majority) of the time/effort spent on them without giving you back any of what you would like or need in the relationship, then I consider that selfish. It was mentioned in one of the 1st posts here about listening only to his/her music. Well, I experienced that in my marriage. My former husband, immediately after the wedding, stated that I was to listen to my music only when he wasn't home. As a new bride I thought I should obey his rules in everything. It became so that I was rarely given a choice in just about anything--give an inch, take a mile. (Is that a sign of a narcissistic personality?) So, resentments grew. (I didn't know how to be assertive.) That's what I mean when I say there should be reciprocity in a relationship. When you love someone, you want what's best for them but not at the expense of draining yourself dry. I'm not sure at this moment, but I think it's Gary Chapman who talks about "filling our (love) tanks." We cannot keep giving if we ourselves are runnning on empty. I know that as a single-again woman, I cherish my freedom. I don't have to worry about coming home to a scowling face or that I might want read a book all night long, etc. But if a special man comes into my life, I hope we can share our dreams & our life together so that there's balance. Yes, you put your special someone first, but they should in return put you first, too. Does this make sense to anyone?
Great post Dawn! Tom 54311 !!!
support them in their dreams
laughter :lol: :lol:
don't sweat the small stuff (leaving dirty socks on the floor etc) :shocked:
and be there if and when they become ill in any way ~~~love :lovestruck:
the rest will all fall into place :heartbeat:
That's what I mean when I say there should be reciprocity in a relationship. When you love someone, you want what's best for them but not at the expense of draining yourself dry. Yes, you put your special someone first, but they should in return put you first, too. Does this make sense to anyone?
Yes makes complete sense to me. My wife and I strove to do that frequently. She knew there were concerts that I liked, but she didn't, so I wouldn't normally buy tickets (even though I wanted to go) because I knew it wouldn't be something she would enjoy, and if the concert was around my B'day (or Christmas ... but normally my B'day) I wouldn't be overly surprised to get an envelope with tickets. One year she bought me Jays tickets for our Anniversary because she knew I loved going to the park, and an Anniversary date at the park was good with her because she saw me happy.
There were many other examples of that as well. It was never a matter of keeping score (unless it was during a Leafs vs Habs game and then we purposly tried to outscore each other on cheap-shots )
Appreciation for what he is and for deeds well done, no matter how small.
Sweet thread, Dawn!
When someone demands (can be subtle or blatant) that he/she is the one who "deserves" all (or even the majority) of the time/effort spent on them without giving you back any of what you would like or need in the relationship, then I consider that selfish.
I completly agree, but my original point was as a single person I do what I do because *I* want to do it, even if it is doing good for others. I do it not because I feel obligated, I do it because it rewards me. In marriage its completely different, and you can't do what you want, because it makes you feel good.
I agree, Dawn. I am ready to focus on someone other than me, mainly a husband and children. I love what I do for a living, and if I didn't go even farther with a master's degree at this point, because I am so fulfilled, I would be completely ok with that. I want my life to be about helping my husband and being, I don't know a "room mother," for my kids..that is, if I did send my kids to Catholic school, rather than homeschool...I am starting to feel selfish and one sided when everyone else is talking about their husband and kids activities. My prayer usually consists of "Ok God, what else...what else do I do to move the the next level of my life," like it's a test to pass. I feel guilty about it, because I know that I am enough..even if I never get married, to God, but all this intense thinking about myself...I would rather have new challenges to solve.