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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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Going the distance

Apr 20th 2013 new

For those that are open to the possibility of a long-distance relationship, "How far is too far?" My guess is that many people answer that question based on how often they would be able to see the person. When I come across a profile of interest and they live 'far' away, before I emote or make any contact, I will, typically, try and get an idea of how much it would cost to visit the person. I have an idea as to how much I can spend and if I can only afford to see someone once a month, or even less, I will, generally, move on. I move on, not so much because once a month would be too little for me, but I am skeptical as to whether or not it would be enough for the woman. I put in my profile approximately how much I have available for dating so a woman should be able to get an idea of visit frequency by just looking at my profile.

So what do you say? How far is too far? How little is too little with regards to face-to-face time?

Apr 20th 2013 new

Too far is a distance you can't afford, just as you are analyzing it.

But if I might, I read your profile, and your great detail on the amount of money, calculated into number of visits, and that if you fly there is no money left over for any activity, etc. really doesn't come across very well. It sounds like a commercial transaction and is not very sexy, if you get my drift.

I would reword it to say something like, I am open to an LDR, but are looking fror someone within a four hour drive, or a one hour plan ride. Or something like that. Without the dollar signs. Some one on the other side of the country will know she is not the girl for you.

So you communicate the message without spelling out the accounting.

Apr 20th 2013 new

Oh, and an LDR has to get together every 3 weeks. That is the minimum without losing touch with each other. When you say good bye after a weekend, you know you will see one another in 19 days. That is doable.

Apr 20th 2013 new

The dollar amounts might be of greater value being that an hour plane ride might be more money than a three hour.

There may be a great amount of variability from situation to situation as to the amount of money that is spent on categories like transportation, lodging, etc... for a visit. Visiting someone in L.A. might be cheaper than visiting someone in Missouri( I live in Illinois).

Apr 20th 2013 new

3 weeks, cool:) That is the type of info. that I am looking for with this topic.

Apr 20th 2013 new

Hi everybody,

Very well explained Pat and Eric, thanks for sharing.

I had what you would call a LDR with someone from LA, we saw each other every weekend and it seemed like an eternity for me , we were eager and enthusiastic to see each other.

I think if more time goes by you can easily loose your interest, enthusiasm, and can't get to really know each other.

Saludos wave hug


Apr 20th 2013 new
I like Pat's suggestions for LDR qualifiers. Hope to hear from others who use Skype or something as to whether they get together more than 3 weeks apart. You are right that the further distance may not be economically prohibitive, it's the east of getting to/from. Since I work an hour from home and most of my family, to me an hour is nothing, and 2-3 seems really doable.
Apr 20th 2013 new

There's no distance God can't overcome. If its meant to be, God will sort everything.

Of course, that can be seen as a wishy-washy answer with no practical implications.

I'm Catholic. I want a good Catholic spouse. I live in New Zealand. And I've had absolutely no luck finding one. So obviously, I have to look offshore. If I met a fellow online, then the usual email/chatting/phone calls would last a bit longer, then if it was mutually agreeable we could discuss meeting. I'd imagine it'd probably be at least 4 - 6 months to organise meeting a fellow from say the US or Europe. Aussie, its just a 4 - 9 hour hop across the ditch. I don't see those time lines as unreasonable, and it gives a good time for either party to back out, and it gives the emilaing and phoning a good hammering. So you're basically gnashing out the ifs and maybes, so the only thing to do is meet and establish that you don't hate each other's BO. Of course, I would expect that expenses would be shared. Say 50%, its the polite thing to do, especially if both are in full time employment.

Of course, how many meetings are required to discern marriage? I'd like to go to the man's country and have him come here, so a comparison can be made as to the country of living post marriage.

I know of people, non-Catholic, who met their spouses online, long distance, and this is how it worked for them. One woman met on a dating site in the mid 90s-ish, when dating sites online were in their infancy. She and the guy [he was in England, she was in NZL] emailed for about a year, phone chatted et cetera and then he came and visited her. They married. They're still together. I know of at least four other people who made the jump into the LDR and it ended in marriage, and rather quickly after the first meeting.

Now, if the secularists and Protestants can do it, surely Catholics can if the Catholic test has been past.

I sometimes think people a bit to "the glass is half empty... oh, no its not, its actually broken! Oh NOs!"

And if nothing else, at least you get a holiday in another country you may have not seen before.

Apr 20th 2013 new

I know several LDRs that resulted in marriage, including one of my brothers who is now married with 3 kids. In all of these relationships, they generally saw each other every 4-6 weeks yet they were in communication daily. Perhaps most importantly, they weren't approaching the LDR as a "dating" relationship but as a conscious decision to see if there was marriage potential. If you approach a LDR as an expense instead of an opportunity, it's probably not for you.

Apr 20th 2013 new

I had never really thought about what everyone has written about and it has given me some ideas to pray about. Thanks.

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