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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Apr 25 new

(Quote) Steve-650539 said: I know several LDRs that resulted in marriage, including one of my brothers who is now married wi...
(Quote) Steve-650539 said:

I know several LDRs that resulted in marriage, including one of my brothers who is now married with 3 kids. In all of these relationships, they generally saw each other every 4-6 weeks yet they were in communication daily. Perhaps most importantly, they weren't approaching the LDR as a "dating" relationship but as a conscious decision to see if there was marriage potential. If you approach a LDR as an expense instead of an opportunity, it's probably not for you.

--hide--

I agree with Steve. I wouldn't write off LDRs. I suppose you just have to know when to take a chance, depending on what you are looking for and where you are in life. I personally wouldn't be willing to travel to meet someone that I wasn't genuinely intersted in for the long haul. If there wasn't a good chance that the relationship would lead to marriage, I would have to pass; it's just not practical. I am currently talking to someone who lives waaay up north. Normally I wouldn't consider it. However, he is an exception. I speak with him daily and he is planning on coming to visit soon.

Apr 25 new

(Quote) Eric-414998 said: For those that are open to the possibility of a long-distance relationship, "How far is too f...
(Quote) Eric-414998 said:

For those that are open to the possibility of a long-distance relationship, "How far is too far?" My guess is that many people answer that question based on how often they would be able to see the person. When I come across a profile of interest and they live 'far' away, before I emote or make any contact, I will, typically, try and get an idea of how much it would cost to visit the person. I have an idea as to how much I can spend and if I can only afford to see someone once a month, or even less, I will, generally, move on. I move on, not so much because once a month would be too little for me, but I am skeptical as to whether or not it would be enough for the woman. I put in my profile approximately how much I have available for dating so a woman should be able to get an idea of visit frequency by just looking at my profile.

So what do you say? How far is too far? How little is too little with regards to face-to-face time?

--hide--

Interesting topic, and I love everyone's answers! How far is too far would be pretty much anything outside of driving distance...that said I've corresponded with a couple of folks from the West Coast and it gets frustrating to never be able to see each other face to face. I be poor. boggled I think it would be different if you knew them previously and they had to move away (military town here, so it happens) because you've already got a personable relationship. How little is too little? it depends on the other forms of communication...how often are you able to talk on the phone or skype? every three weeks seems reasonable, and perhaps once a month if things are super busy.

Apr 25 new

(Quote) Lisa-962589 said: I agree with Steve. I wouldn't write off LDRs. I suppose you just have to know when t...
(Quote) Lisa-962589 said:

I agree with Steve. I wouldn't write off LDRs. I suppose you just have to know when to take a chance, depending on what you are looking for and where you are in life. I personally wouldn't be willing to travel to meet someone that I wasn't genuinely intersted in for the long haul. If there wasn't a good chance that the relationship would lead to marriage, I would have to pass; it's just not practical. I am currently talking to someone who lives waaay up north. Normally I wouldn't consider it. However, he is an exception. I speak with him daily and he is planning on coming to visit soon.

--hide--

That's awesome, Lisa! Hope you both have a good time.

I've always thought that all of these little unnecessary guidlines we have would become truly unnecesary the moment you meet someone worth your while. hug

Apr 25 new
(Quote) Ray-566531 said: (Quote) Dawn-58330 said: The distance I am open to has shrunk over the years. Years ago I was in ...
(Quote) Ray-566531 said:

Quote:
Dawn-58330 said: The distance I am open to has shrunk over the years. Years ago I was in a relationship with a man who was deployed to Iraq, but his home was 12 hours from me. Then I dated someone who was 10 hours away. Recently I dated a man who was five hours away. In all cases the distance was not the cause of the demise of the relationships.

Now, I am very open to something within a three hour radius. This puts me open to Indianapolis, IN, Dayton, OH, Columbus, OH, Greater Cincinnati, Lexington, KY and Lousiville, KY. That's a good population pool. I could probably be talked into something wider, but I am not as willing as I used to be.

Mostly, I've learned that I need physical contact with the man I am dating about once a month, at a minimum. Six weeks is really stressful for me on the relationship. Two or three hours away means we can easily meet halfway for dates, so we could see each other more frequently.

Ultimately, I want to be open to who God has in store for me. He planted me in the Midwest, so I think my man is around here somewhere. I think.

Most likely that's true, Dawn. Keep looking until he finds you....

--hide--
Thank you, Ray! hug
Apr 25 new

This is totally hypothetical, but if one's job were easily portable, and/or they were feeling adventurous or wanted a change of scenery, how soon is soon to think/talk about moving to make the relationship easier? Would that come across as noble, sweet, irresponsible, something else entirely?

Apr 26 new

(Quote) Lawrence-943343 said: It is easiest to stay home. Some of us, like me, have jobs, houses, families a...
(Quote) Lawrence-943343 said:

It is easiest to stay home.

Some of us, like me, have jobs, houses, families and material stuff. How would I be loving the person I have come to be if I took off to go live with a woman? How could I expect any different from her? Maybe it is different when you are younger, but for me to date a woman who is willing to leave her home and family suggests she is not the one for me because I value family to much to do that.

Men and women are willing to give it all up and move because, sometimes, life where they are isn't all that interesting. They are looking to find happiness, or be rescued, or something. At least to me, those women are not attractive.

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Lawrence, I respectfully beg to differ. For 20+ years now, I have been back home and stayed here to be with and help my family up until my parents passed away. Since they, my late ex-husband and even his family have passed away, I have very little to keep me here once my son graduates next year from high school. Once he goes off to college, he could just as easily come see me whereever I might be and visa-versa. I do own my home but have been looking forward to building or buying a retirement home more to my liking, so will eventually be selling it anyway. At this point, I'm just trying to decide if I want to do that in this general area or relocate to a place with more things to do or perhaps a milder climit or better view. If I were to happen to meet that special someone, that would certainly help me to make that decision - and not because I am in need of being 'rescued' (I'm in a great place in my life, thank you very much), or in search of someone to 'make me happy'. I have always been a happy person, wherever I have lived, whomever I have lived with or near, or what I have done. I do have a great sence of adventure and am totally trusting in God and know that He will lead/show me where He wants me to be to do His work. I'm am not afraid to go, nor am I afraid to stay and I am equally at peace weather I do that by myself or with a loving spouse. I am totally open to His will for me.

Apr 26 new

(Quote) Naomi-698107 said: ...so the only thing to do is meet and establish that you don't hate each other's BO...
(Quote) Naomi-698107 said:

...so the only thing to do is meet and establish that you don't hate each other's BO...

--hide--

LOL!

Apr 26 new

My first preference would be to find someone that lives in my area because with my son's activities, right now it's baseball, I'm spending my mornings at the ball field and not able to easilly "travel" to see someone. My defination of "my area" is quite broad and includes areas about 2-3 hours from me (in LA traffic that is boggled ) It means that I can't really get together during the week, but it's not impossible either. Weeknights are usually hetic anyway, so I don't go out much during the week.


At the same time, my whole family lives in the Chicago area, and have always assumed that I would eventually move back, so I look for people in that area as well. My BFF also lives a few hours away from my family and when I'm visiting, I go up to see her several times a month, so I look for people in her area too.


I feel that you have to know a person and their story a little bit before you write them off because of the city they list on their profile.

Apr 28 new

(Quote) Naomi-698107 said: You're making some big ole assumptions about the intentions of people who see LDRs a...
(Quote) Naomi-698107 said:

You're making some big ole assumptions about the intentions of people who see LDRs as the only viable option to find a good Catholic spouse. Not everyone has the luxery of living in big Catholic communities where the vocation of marriage is just a few K's away.

It also sounds like you're putting yourself ahead of a wife. You love yourself more than seeking a wife? Perhaps you worded it poorly. You'd put a job, house and material nonsense ahead of a wife? Ahead of fulfilling your vocation to marriage? A house isn't going to help get you to heaven. Unless your job is "priest", a job isn't going ot get you to heaven. Material stuff? Christ said a whole lot about that...

Family wise? Well, not everyone has a great family do they? Some people dont' even have families. Some people ahve families who love them very much, but understand the ways of the world and the ways of love. Would you condemn someone who left family to serve as a priest in Africa?

Be careful how you phrase your opinion, sir, it could give people the wrong idea about you.

Oh, and this:

Matthew 19:5,

--hide--


Kudos Naomi! You have a heart of gold! hug theheart

Apr 28 new
I think anyone who relocates has to consider whether it is a location that they could see themselves in if they were alone (relationship didn't work out or he/she unexpectedly dies) or be willing to move again if circumstances changed. Who relocates in a relationship depends on many factors like age of children, job opportunities, etc. it could be done, but lots to think about.
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