This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.
Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
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Perhaps this topic has been covered. I am relatively new here and I apologize if it has been. I may be being too picky but am wondering why there are four choices to the Free To Marry multiple choice questions in the profile building section of this website. Yes, No, In Process and Not Sure (or Unsure) are the choices. I am currently In Process but have chosen NO as my response to the question. In the world I live in I am either free or not and until I am...I'm not free!! Going through the annulment process gives no guarantee that at the end of the tunnel anyone will be Free To Marry. So I'm not sure why In Process is offered. Any insights will be appreciated!
In process means you're in the process of annulment. Of course there are no guarantees however it does alert others that you have started the ball rolling. Not sure could be a better choice if someone hasn't started the process or talked to the Priest or Deacon at their church too guage whether or not they have a good case. I'm in the process myself. My Deacon said he thinks I have a good chance of mine being approved. He can't guarantee anything, but he's been doing them for over 20 years and has a good idea of whether or not it could possibly be granted. If I hadn't talked to my Deacon or started this process I would have chosen not sure as my answer. Hope that helps
Thanks, Stephanie, for your response. I still have trouble with In Process being an accurate response to Free To Marry. Perhaps "annulment status" could be a separate question/category and follow the Free To Marry question. Then you could say what stage of the process you think you are at!! Like maybe "Haven't begun", 25%, 50%, etc. Or....maybe I'm just too picky
Maybe you can send a suggestion to customer service? I think for me an issue is having a way define if I'm ready to date or just looking for friendship at this stage. I just put what's going on in my profile. I think sometimes simple may be better? There are a lot of fields to fill out already. I noticed not everyone takes the time to put a lot of info in their profile. I think you have a good idea on having free to marry and annulment as separate fields.
I will say to you Shiela; that once you start the annulment process you will understand that box much better. I know someone here at CM whom got her annulment and excepted a guy whose annulment was not final yet. So putting "in process" instead of "no" does help your chances of finding someone as positive as her: although she did say that they must be very careful. Me, however am not a lucky person at all so I know that would not happen to me. I usually have to work extra hard at everything. NOW I am just use to it, and don't take luck as any of my answers.
Thank you, Lamont! I have, however, begun the Annulment process and still believe that I am not free to marry. Therefore, for me personally, to put anything other than NO as a response to Free To Marry would be, and is, misleading. Perhaps I can use a reverse type of scenario to clarify my opinion...for want of a better word! Let me say, for the sake of my example, that I am engaged to marry. All systems are "GO" in the direction of the matrimonial altar. If someone were to ask me if I am married, what is my response? In my world the answer is NO. I am committed and heading toward marriage but am not married, yet. So, for me, IN PROCESS is an incorrect and unacceptable response to the question of Free To Marry.
It has been suggested that I approach Customer Service with the suggestion that IN PROCESS response be removed from the Free To Marry question and be set up under another category that will inform possible matches of a member's current position in regards to nullity of our sacramental marriage...annulment. This would present clarity and certainly be less misleading. Perhaps it is now time for me to go forward with that suggestion to Customer Service.
I can't speak for anyone besides myself, obviously. I'm personally struggling a little to reconcil my decernment of my marriage with the process of annulment. (I really think annulment investigations should come before divorce, but that's a whole other topic). I would not have signed my divorce paperwork if I thought there was a valid marriage. I would have gone down fighting. I know my marriage was not valid. Therefore I don't feel like in still married. So I'm "free to marry" but waiting for the Church to catch up. :). This I chose in process. If I were at all unsure about the validity of my marriage and needed the clarification of an annulment... I wouldn't be on this site in the first place. :)
That said, let me speculate on how "In Process" could be useful to some.
1 - "In Process" suggests the person is further along in their divorce recovery than one who is "Divorced".
2 - "In Process" suggests that the person believes that their case will be favorably adjudicated.
3 - "In Process" members may be perfectly suitable for "friendship" or "activity partner" possibilities.
4 - If an individual is susceptible to temptation, then such activities may be best restricted to chatting online.
Obviously there will be exceptions to the foregoing. And there is the possibility of a slippery slope. And both parties need to be absolutely clear on their intentions. And in control of their hearts. But establishing a casual friendship or joining a group activity at that point may pay off if/when the "declaration of nullity" is issued.