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This room is dedicated to those who are facing the challenge of raising children without the support of a spouse. This is a place to share ideas and lend mutual support.

Saint Rita is known to be a patroness for abused wives and mourning women.
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Apr 23 new

Thanks for the much needed reminder, Kate. I sadly never take care of me and wonder why I feel like I don't have anything to give. It has to become a priority. hug

Apr 23 new

(Quote) Dana-782979 said: Thanks for the much needed reminder, Kate. I sadly never take care of me and wonder why I feel lik...
(Quote) Dana-782979 said:

Thanks for the much needed reminder, Kate. I sadly never take care of me and wonder why I feel like I don't have anything to give. It has to become a priority.

--hide--


It's hard to make yourself a priority, I still struggle with it, but it's amazing what an hour of doing what you want to do instead of what you need to do makes in your day.


BTW, if you are trying to win a Good Housekeeping award, it's not worth it. In the end, no one will care that you vacuumed your floors and dusted the bookshelf before they came over. They will be glad that you invited them. hug

Apr 23 new

Dana,
Let them pray it along with you. And when you are done, or at a lighter moment, you can always make light of the need for it like "accept the things I cannot change" -- like a flat tire and send me someone to help, "courage to change the things I can" like the burned out lightbulb and the "wisdom to know the difference" need to call the plumber now.rolling eyes laughing

It might help for them to know that even in the challenging times, we all need to try and see the humor.

Apr 23 new

Thanks Ray, had a good dinner with my daughter tonight which in and of itself was necessary to see I'm making progress with the issues we are dealing with for her now.

Apr 23 new

(Quote) Kate-806727 said:It's hard to make yourself a priority, I still struggle with it, but it's amazing what an hour of ...
(Quote) Kate-806727 said:It's hard to make yourself a priority, I still struggle with it, but it's amazing what an hour of doing what you want to do instead of what you need to do makes in your day.


BTW, if you are trying to win a Good Housekeeping award, it's not worth it. In the end, no one will care that you vacuumed your floors and dusted the bookshelf before they came over. They will be glad that you invited them.

--hide--



Kate, I will not be winning any awards now or in the future from Good Housekeeping! laughing laughing laughing

Apr 23 new

If my kids ever come back to me to accuse me of being a bad parent, I plan to tell them, "I did the best I could, given the circumstances and my level of knowledge at the time." rolling eyes

My mom used to say, "They'll survive in spite of you." eyebrow

So, have a hug and a cookie and don't let it get to you.

Apr 23 new

(Quote) Dana-782979 said: Anyone else feel like they are messing up as a parent and beat themselves up? Yes, I'm having ...
(Quote) Dana-782979 said:

Anyone else feel like they are messing up as a parent and beat themselves up? Yes, I'm having one of those days. God did not plan on parents going it alone. This too shall pass, right?

--hide--

Hugs Dana,

Kiddos are masters at making us feel bad. They know what things are important to us and when they are unhappy with anything or tired or stressed they lash out, give them any other fuel like being caught in situations that they don't necessarily want or like and they can amp it up. And, when they know you also feel badly about a situation they can become little pirrhanas honing in on those wounds and using them to their advantage. Just remember you are the parent. Make the best decisions you can and love them anyway :-). Big big hugs. it's all part of growing up and as they get to be older teens its normal, they are pulling at the apron strings. My buddy Todd and I used to joke about our teenagers that they are so obnoxious so that when they actually take those steps out of the nest we are ready to see them go. There is truth in this. A few years later they come back around and then you get to start the next phase of parenting as friend, confidant and advisor. Growing is full of growing pains for kiddos and parents. You are going to be fine, just hang in there :-))

Apr 24 new

(Quote) Dana-782979 said: Ray, I needed that encouragement. Thanks. By the way, is there such a thing as normal?
(Quote) Dana-782979 said:

Ray, I needed that encouragement. Thanks. By the way, is there such a thing as normal?

--hide--
If it's different, weird, sounding crazy -- it's normal. wink

Apr 24 new

(Quote) Dana-782979 said: Thanks for the much needed reminder, Kate. I sadly never take care of me and wonder why I feel lik...
(Quote) Dana-782979 said:

Thanks for the much needed reminder, Kate. I sadly never take care of me and wonder why I feel like I don't have anything to give. It has to become a priority.

--hide--
Dana -- Although this is a period of enormous and demanding of seemingly all of your time and then some, you still need some "me" time. Your own "time-out", so to speak. Have your kids send you to your room occasionally (regularly if possible), or someplace where you can mentally regroup.

Some find a lot of needed comfort going to Eucharistic Adoration -- peace and quiet time with the Lord, where He and you can have a meaningful discussion about what's going on in your life. Some need an outing -- with adults only. Whatever works.....(providing it's legal, moral, and ethical, of course).

You still won't have time to address all your wants and needs, but you'll be sorting things out to determine which is which. No matter what, we all still have wants. It's the needs we need to take care of. Children need their mother to be the best that she can be under the circumstances.

"Do the best you can with what you've got."

Apr 24 new

My youngest is 17 years old, and I have a son in college. On top of my ex constantly telling them not to listen to me because I am "controlling" I've the added complication of recently being laid off. Now my ex tells my children he can spoil them because "some people get nice things while other people shouldn't have anything." I can't continue to react to him spoiling them with new I phones, an expensive vacation, and trips to the mall with several purchases each time he is with them.
I first prayed, asked God for help, understood His time frame isn't the same as my time frame, and then looked at what I could do. I promised my daughter to be at her bus stop every day and take the following hour as time with her alone. I promised to make a homemade treat or drive a friend to our house for an overnight stay each weekend we are together. I asked her to pray for me as I look for a job.
She's at a material-centered age, and I am constantly derided by her father. Most days my best doesn't seem enough. Before I sleep, though I always end by praying then I remember the positives of the day. It turns one of those days into a better day with maybe a rough hour or two when I step back to look at a bigger picture.

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