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Devoted to discussion pertaining to those issues which are specifically relevant to people 45+. Topics must have a specific perspective of people in this age group for it to be on topic.

The story of Abraham and Sarah is told in chapters 11-25 of the book of Genesis.
Learn More:Abraham & Sarah

Apr 25th 2013 new
(Quote) Jerry-730726 said: Yeah....pretty much.
(Quote) Jerry-730726 said:

Yeah....pretty much.

--hide--


I went back and read your inital post in this thread. Also, Jerry, people sometimes simply change over the course of their life, sometimes drastically. Ironically, sometimes the very things that one likes about another, may become the very thing that becomes annoying later on.
Apr 25th 2013 new
(Quote) Jerry-730726 said: Yeah....pretty much.
(Quote) Jerry-730726 said:

Yeah....pretty much.

--hide--


One of my posts didn't post! Maybe I forgot to click "submit."

People do change over the course of a lifetime; sometimes drastically. Ironically, the very qualities that may attract initially, may become a source of tension in a relationship later as time progresses.
Apr 25th 2013 new

(Quote) Jacqueline-556574 said: I went back and read your inital post in this thread. Also, Jerry, people sometimes simply ...
(Quote) Jacqueline-556574 said:

I went back and read your inital post in this thread. Also, Jerry, people sometimes simply change over the course of their life, sometimes drastically. Ironically, sometimes the very things that one likes about another, may become the very thing that becomes annoying later on.
--hide--
That is true Jacqueline. At first it REALLY didn't matter that we had some different interests....but we WERE interested in each other. And this is the last thing I'll say about it....when she stopped going to Church with me....is when it started to come apart.

Apr 26th 2013 new
(Quote) Jacqueline-556574 said: You bring up a very good point that I did not mention previous. How time is spent is important. I t...
(Quote) Jacqueline-556574 said:

You bring up a very good point that I did not mention previous. How time is spent is important. I think that it is the source of many conflicts in marriages.
--hide--


Yes, Jacqueline. I have thought more about this. Some thrive on projects. My parents were like that. We always had a home or yard improvement project going; my sister always had a new topic she wanted to study about in a book; some want to play or watch competitive events and others prefer to be mellow and 'smell the roses'. Of course most of us are a mix of some sort. When my mother and father decided on a project then my mother was ready to get started immediately and not stop until it was completed. My father wanted to map it out (yes on Excel only that didn't exist then smile ) and then maybe 'make it last' or not start it for a month or two or...longer. wink So my parents and sister were all very focused but in different ways and on different things. Some would say we were crazy because we never 'chilled'.

It is good we are not all made the same; it would make for a dull life. It is good to consider all this in choosing a marriage partner but I believe marriage to even the most perfect match takes work and a lot of grace.
Apr 26th 2013 new
(Quote) Jerry-730726 said: That is true Jacqueline. At first it REALLY didn't matter that we had some different interests....but we WE...
(Quote) Jerry-730726 said:

That is true Jacqueline. At first it REALLY didn't matter that we had some different interests....but we WERE interested in each other. And this is the last thing I'll say about it....when she stopped going to Church with me....is when it started to come apart.

--hide--


I'm sorry, Jerry. Yes, I don't see how a marriage can last without God in the union. But, two people trying very hard to be saints, surely, they can make a go of it....I guess this is the hope we are here for on CM...that it can be done with God's help and a lot of work on both parts.
Apr 26th 2013 new
(Quote) Jacqueline-556574 said: One of my posts didn't post! Maybe I forgot to click "submit." People ...
(Quote) Jacqueline-556574 said:

One of my posts didn't post! Maybe I forgot to click "submit."



People do change over the course of a lifetime; sometimes drastically. Ironically, the very qualities that may attract initially, may become a source of tension in a relationship later as time progresses.
--hide--


Well, I have often heard too that it is the case with all of us. Our greatest strength/virtue can be and is often our worst vice or enemy. It makes sense the devil will attack our gifts. Otherwise we wouldn't listen to him. For instance, tempting us to go overboard on charity to where we neglect our family, or being a high achiever but then pride takes over...I think our lives are like a swinging pendulum and we keep having to adjust to stay in the good area--not too far one way or the other. Society today though keeps moving the 'middle ground' so it gets really difficult at times to find what is truly the middle--neither overly scrupulous nor lax.

In marriage, I would think finding someone who helps balance us out without watering us down, would be a good thing.
Apr 26th 2013 new
(Quote) Lina-796057 said: And sometimes, it's not those major areas which cause a match to work or not. Sometimes the challenge lies ...
(Quote) Lina-796057 said:

And sometimes, it's not those major areas which cause a match to work or not. Sometimes the challenge lies in the small everyday things: does he not feel it's his responsibility to replace the empty toilet roll with a full one, and that drives you batty? does she let the dishes soak in the sink overnight, and you want that area cleaned up right after dinner? does one constantly point out the bad driving habits of others when you're on the road and that becomes the major conversation each and every time? "Love" is too often that dreamy feeling to people, rather than sacrifice, rather than subjugating one's preferences for the spouse's. And that trust that if I put YOUR preferences first, then you will put MY preferences first. If spouses really lived like that, would it matter that hobbies, etc were different? It would be a win-win situation no matter what.

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Lina, you brought up some really good points and examples. Putting our spouse first in the little things can really make a difference I think. Those things add up one way or the other. Doing enjoyable things together whether his hobbies, my hobbies or new ones is another way to bond and show love by sacrifice. ('This sport is not my favorite thing but to be here by your side enjoying you enjoy the game, is a gift I want to give.')
Apr 28th 2013 new
(Quote) Meg-920823 said: Yes, Jacqueline. I have thought more about this. Some thrive on projects. My parents were like that. We a...
(Quote) Meg-920823 said:

Yes, Jacqueline. I have thought more about this. Some thrive on projects. My parents were like that. We always had a home or yard improvement project going; my sister always had a new topic she wanted to study about in a book; some want to play or watch competitive events and others prefer to be mellow and 'smell the roses'. Of course most of us are a mix of some sort. When my mother and father decided on a project then my mother was ready to get started immediately and not stop until it was completed. My father wanted to map it out (yes on Excel only that didn't exist then ) and then maybe 'make it last' or not start it for a month or two or...longer. So my parents and sister were all very focused but in different ways and on different things. Some would say we were crazy because we never 'chilled'.



It is good we are not all made the same; it would make for a dull life. It is good to consider all this in choosing a marriage partner but I believe marriage to even the most perfect match takes work and a lot of grace.
--hide--


Yes, I agree that how things like projects, or things to do together are approached, may be an important issue.

Generally, I am a planner. I think I like to be with others who are also planners, instead of doing things mostly spontaneously. But the plan must be flexible. Also, some people need, and I dislike using this term, but it does fit, "need space." There are times when I prefer to be set apart from others, and/or not be involved in conversation. But simultaneously, I want people around me who I can depend upon to be caring and loving, as well.
Apr 28th 2013 new
(Quote) Jerry-730726 said: That is true Jacqueline. At first it REALLY didn't matter that we had some different interests....but we WE...
(Quote) Jerry-730726 said:

That is true Jacqueline. At first it REALLY didn't matter that we had some different interests....but we WERE interested in each other. And this is the last thing I'll say about it....when she stopped going to Church with me....is when it started to come apart.

--hide--


Yes, as far as faith, both should be on the same page.
Apr 28th 2013 new
(Quote) Meg-920823 said: Well, I have often heard too that it is the case with all of us. Our greatest strength/virtue can be and is ...
(Quote) Meg-920823 said:

Well, I have often heard too that it is the case with all of us. Our greatest strength/virtue can be and is often our worst vice or enemy. It makes sense the devil will attack our gifts. Otherwise we wouldn't listen to him. For instance, tempting us to go overboard on charity to where we neglect our family, or being a high achiever but then pride takes over...I think our lives are like a swinging pendulum and we keep having to adjust to stay in the good area--not too far one way or the other. Society today though keeps moving the 'middle ground' so it gets really difficult at times to find what is truly the middle--neither overly scrupulous nor lax.



In marriage, I would think finding someone who helps balance us out without watering us down, would be a good thing.
--hide--


Meg, I think you hit it right on center in your last sentence.
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