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Devoted to discussion pertaining to those issues which are specifically relevant to people 45+. Topics must have a specific perspective of people in this age group for it to be on topic.

The story of Abraham and Sarah is told in chapters 11-25 of the book of Genesis.
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Apr 28th 2013 new

I think you need to have similar values. but other than that not necessary. John and I were married for almost 25 years until we were parted by death and we were total opposites. That is where compromise sets in you work together. If you were just alike, I think it would be boring.

Apr 28th 2013 new
(Quote) Meg-920823 said: Lina, you brought up some really good points and examples. Putting our spouse first in the little things ca...
(Quote) Meg-920823 said:

Lina, you brought up some really good points and examples. Putting our spouse first in the little things can really make a difference I think. Those things add up one way or the other. Doing enjoyable things together whether his hobbies, my hobbies or new ones is another way to bond and show love by sacrifice. ('This sport is not my favorite thing but to be here by your side enjoying you enjoy the game, is a gift I want to give.')
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As far as hobbies, actually I think the ones that we are passionate about, our spouse should be interested in that hobby too, or be willing to learn about it, and take part in it at least sometimes. That does not include though, hobbies that usually only men take part in, or only women take part in.

For example, men like to go to sporting events together. If I had someone like that, I would probably say, ok, have a good time with the guys today. Similarly, I wouldn't expect that he would want to go to yarn shops with me, or attend quilting sessions with me. I do like sports, but I like to play them.
Apr 28th 2013 new
(Quote) Sharon-885911 said: I think you need to have similar values. but other than that not necessary. John and I were married for almos...
(Quote) Sharon-885911 said:

I think you need to have similar values. but other than that not necessary. John and I were married for almost 25 years until we were parted by death and we were total opposites. That is where compromise sets in you work together. If you were just alike, I think it would be boring.

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Sharon, probably, you complemented each other, and that part of being "opposites," made your marriage work.
May 4th 2013 new
Jacqueline, that is very interesting. When I was 24, he was the bad boy and I was the good girl, we were opposite in so many things but one thing we had in common was compassion. That seemed to change and when it did so did respect and trust.

That said, now I think faith is very important, hobbies not so much because I think it broadens each others mind and understanding. Men and women are different and that is also the compliment. I don't want a man who cries at commercials and he wouldn't want a woman who is better with power tools (or at least I don't think so). I think common interests are good but a sense of humor is essential in every aspect of life at my age. Politics are a debate and that is okay. Sports ...now I finally have time to appreciate them but does someone have the patience to explain the rules and regulations.

Where we are in our lives promote appreciation of different qualities. You have to go with the flow and most importantly enjoy the life you have and the time you have left to make a difference.

Eileen
May 4th 2013 new
Hello Eileen, happy birthday! wave

What I was thinking about regarding hobbies was any hobby, I guess it doesn't matter too much what the hobby is. I suppose that any hobby that consumes a good deal of one's time, and on a regular basis, perhaps it is those hobbies that should be similar between the two.

I'm trying to think of a good example, and this is what I came up with. Around here in San Diego county, we have the beaches, desert, and mountains all within a one-hour drive away. Due to the year-round mild climate, one can do outside activities throughout most of the year.

Say for example, he is passionate about going to the desert on weekends to ride desert vehicles. But she doesn't care to ride those vehicles, or to go camping. The two probably would have some major issues about how they spend their time.

Another example would be if she likes to go out on the town, dancing, nightclub life until late hours, etc., on a regular basis, but he prefers to relax at home on the weekends, and is an early riser. Then I think there might be some conflicts between the two on how to spend their time.

I think perhaps it is the extremes in any aspect of a person's personality, lifestyle, hobbies, faith beliefs, values, that need to be taken into consideration regarding a possible match. And the extremes may be polar opposites in one aspect of the two that are complementary.

What I mean by this is that, say that one of the two is quite reserved and unassertive, but the other is talkative and assertive. These two aspects may be complementary and work out good for both throughout life. Each may help the other in aspects of their personality that is not their strong suit.
May 4th 2013 new
Jacqueline, those examples take me back to,a,saying...moderation in all things. When something is excessive no matter what it is, it takes a toll on a relationship. My ex husband liked to fish and hunt. When it included the family, part,or all of us (fishing on a river bank for,example and I would bring a picnic) that was okay but when he took his vacation time every year to hunt by himself...not so good. When anything becomes an obsession, it affects a relationship.

So I say compromise is the answer. Either might not like to do what makes each happy separately but to compromise and do it then let the other have freedom to do their thing sometimes and maybe find that one hobby both enjoy together. Just call me Dr. Eileen like a spin off on Dr. Phil. If you could work that out, wouldn't it be great fun? Who knows, maybe that girl might like mud 4 wheeling!

Eileen
May 4th 2013 new
(Quote) Eileen-890971 said: Jacqueline, those examples take me back to,a,saying...moderation in all things. When something is excessive no ma...
(Quote) Eileen-890971 said: Jacqueline, those examples take me back to,a,saying...moderation in all things. When something is excessive no matter what it is, it takes a toll on a relationship. My ex husband liked to fish and hunt. When it included the family, part,or all of us (fishing on a river bank for,example and I would bring a picnic) that was okay but when he took his vacation time every year to hunt by himself...not so good. When anything becomes an obsession, it affects a relationship.



So I say compromise is the answer. Either might not like to do what makes each happy separately but to compromise and do it then let the other have freedom to do their thing sometimes and maybe find that one hobby both enjoy together. Just call me Dr. Eileen like a spin off on Dr. Phil. If you could work that out, wouldn't it be great fun? Who knows, maybe that girl might like mud 4 wheeling!



Eileen
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I agree and disagree with you Eileen. Although, because it is your birthday, I will be careful with my words fluffy

For a man that wants to go hunting and fishing on every vacation, (I am assuming that you are divorced) maybe a better match for him would have been a very outdoorsy gal, or maybe even one who likes hunting and fishing herself.

Yes, I do think that his decisions to want to go hunting and fishing on every vacation were excessive, but the excessive hobby might not have seemed so excessive by a gal who enjoys being outdoors as much as he does. Perhaps a compromise might have been vacations to places where he could go hunting/fishing at least some of the time, and you could do other activities that you liked better than hunting/fishing, and you could also have done some activities together part of the time.
May 4th 2013 new
I know quite a few couples that have the same profession. Where I work there are two couples, one couple are Nurse aides, they are married and have beautiful children. They work together on the same floor,have been happily married for years. What a cute couple they are, and they get along great.

Another couple is my dentist, his wife is a dentist too, they have a very busy dental center and are married with 2 beautiful boys.

Another couple I work with they are both nurses, and just recently became engaged, they come to work together, but don't always work on the same unit. They are in love. It is nice to see couples like this.
May 4th 2013 new
(Quote) Jacqueline-556574 said: I agree and disagree with you Eileen. Although, because it is your birthday, I will be careful with ...
(Quote) Jacqueline-556574 said:

I agree and disagree with you Eileen. Although, because it is your birthday, I will be careful with my words



For a man that wants to go hunting and fishing on every vacation, (I am assuming that you are divorced) maybe a better match for him would have been a very outdoorsy gal, or maybe even one who likes hunting and fishing herself.



Yes, I do think that his decisions to want to go hunting and fishing on every vacation were excessive, but the excessive hobby might not have seemed so excessive by a gal who enjoys being outdoors as much as he does. Perhaps a compromise might have been vacations to places where he could go hunting/fishing at least some of the time, and you could do other activities that you liked better than hunting/fishing, and you could also have done some activities together part of the time.
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Thank you for going easy on this old girl. We would go on vacation together or stay home on vacation together but there are extenuating circumstances I won't get into and then he would take that second week always to go hunting. You are probably right about a better match would be an outdoor woman but when you have three kids, it is not always about you. Come to think of it, his second wife is not an outdoor girl either! What do you know?!?
May 4th 2013 new

(Quote) Lauren-927923 said: Hi Jacqueline, I was married to Pete for a long time and we were not much alike at all lo...
(Quote) Lauren-927923 said:

Hi Jacqueline,

I was married to Pete for a long time and we were not much alike at all lol. People who met us separately were always stunned when they saw us together and realized I was who he talked about and he was who I talked about. And then after they saw us they got it. We just worked. We had very different backgrounds, he converted after we'd been married ten years. He was bold and ornery and had a laugh that just made you feel warm inside and a grin that melted you. He had deep and surprising compassion, incredible gentleness, a quick temper and you wouldn't want to tangle with him. He could do anything, knew all sorts of things, worked super hard and was well loved by lots of people. He could be a complete handful lol. I was the soft spoken quiet proper little nerdette. We complemented each other. We like Marge says created our own mutual likes and goals. We enjoyed getting together with friends, going out to dinner, trying new foods, having long conversations about everything on the front porch. What we had in common were a deep respect, even deeper admiration for the others talents, really strong love for each other and on the whole we liked each other -- although there were days LOL.

So, no matter what else we have in common if I respect you, admire and appreciate your gifts and my love for you (the hypothetical potential mate) makes me worry more about your well being than my own and you feel the same, I'd say we have a pretty good chance of creating a beautiful life.

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Lauren- I LOVE YOUR POST! I LOVE HEARING ABOUT YOU TWO!

I imagine your post gives us all hope! hyper heartbeat

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