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Devoted to discussion pertaining to those issues which are specifically relevant to people under 45. Topics must have a specific perspective of people in this age group for it to be on topic.

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I have a good way to let people know that I really am not interested, but in such a way that they aren't offended. We are on a Catholic site after all... we should probably avoid hurting people unnecessarily. They did take the time to reach out to you.

So what you do is pick something about their profile that is not compatible with you. Choose something that they really cannot change, BESIDES THEIR LOOKS if that's the reason why.

#1. I'm sorry, but you are just too far away for us to have a chance together. Thanks though, I think your profile sounds great and you'll find the right person on here.

#2. I'm looking to marry someone with the same interest in sports as me, so unfortunately I don't think we're compatible.

#3. Thanks for sending the emote. I really appreciate you taking the time to write to me, but I am looking for someone interested in X, as I am.

You get the idea, mention something in their profile when you turn them down. That way you at least show that you took the time to do what they did for you. You never know who knows who on here, and one good deed might lead to another.

Apr 25th 2013 new

Most men will not take that much of an effort but a quick not saying, "Sorry not interested." I would rather have a short and sweet rather than nothing at all.

Apr 25th 2013 new

(Quote) Christopher-546242 said: I have a good way to let people know that I really am not interested, but in such a way tha...
(Quote) Christopher-546242 said:

I have a good way to let people know that I really am not interested, but in such a way that they aren't offended. We are on a Catholic site after all... we should probably avoid hurting people unnecessarily. They did take the time to reach out to you.

So what you do is pick something about their profile that is not compatible with you. Choose something that they really cannot change, BESIDES THEIR LOOKS if that's the reason why.

#1. I'm sorry, but you are just too far away for us to have a chance together. Thanks though, I think your profile sounds great and you'll find the right person on here.

#2. I'm looking to marry someone with the same interest in sports as me, so unfortunately I don't think we're compatible.

#3. Thanks for sending the emote. I really appreciate you taking the time to write to me, but I am looking for someone interested in X, as I am.

You get the idea, mention something in their profile when you turn them down. That way you at least show that you took the time to do what they did for you. You never know who knows who on here, and one good deed might lead to another.

--hide--


Interesting reasons. If I may say so, #1 is quite reasonable. #2 is pretty funny but you are probably being sincere? And I meant that question in a charitable way so I'm sorry if it came out sarcastic. I'd probably laughing after getting such a message and say " Yeah..sure buddy!" Sports? :D

For me, my "thanks but no thanks" would be that they are not free to enter into dating, courtship and marriage in the Catholic Church because they are divorced.

I'd like to think that I won't write someone off just because of distance etc. I also pray about it a lot. I think if they are "no to all " boggled yeah maybe that is also a "Thanks but no thanks". The thing is, until I really give myself a chance to know this person more by "digging deeper", I'm willing to give it a shot.

There is something to be said about responses. I think it's great that you do respond, Christpher, because it has unfortunately been the "norm" to not respond. It goes against charity. If someone took the time to look at your profile and emote your or message you, just by the fact that they are a person created in the image and likeness of God, just respond the "Thanks but no thanks" of " Thanks, yes let me know more about you" etc. Online and offline, it's just a courteous thing to do. But again, it happens but just because people do it doesn't mean I have to either.



Apr 25th 2013 new

I'm afraid I don't like any of those. Here's what my reaction would be if you sent them to me:

"You are just too far away."
First, I've done an LDR. It's not that tough.
Second, I'm worth it.
Third, you're not even trying.

I don't think we're compatible
YOU don't think we're compatible? YOU? Obviously I must have thought we were somewhat compatible, or I wouldn't have contacted you.
Who are YOU that you get to decide this unilaterally without even giving me the chance to show you who I am?

I am looking for someone interested in X
How do you know that I am not interested in X, too?
We don't put everything in our profiles. There's almost always a lot of important stuff that never gets written down.

Apr 25th 2013 new

That said...I almost never turn down contact. If we have nothing in common, that will become obvious with the exchange of a half-dozen emails, and it's just fizzle out. Disappointing, but no hurt feelings, and how little effort is involved!

If the person is REALLY unsuitable, I base the "rejection" on something that cannot be argued with:

Thank you for your interest. At this time I am limiting my search to
- people within 200 miles of me
OR
- people without children
OR
- people who are widowed
OR
- people who are 7/7.
Have a great week!

Apr 25th 2013 new

(Quote) Marge-938695 said: I'm afraid I don't like any of those. Here's what my reaction would be if you...
(Quote) Marge-938695 said:

I'm afraid I don't like any of those. Here's what my reaction would be if you sent them to me:

"You are just too far away."
First, I've done an LDR. It's not that tough.
Second, I'm worth it.
Third, you're not even trying.

I don't think we're compatible
YOU don't think we're compatible? YOU? Obviously I must have thought we were somewhat compatible, or I wouldn't have contacted you.
Who are YOU that you get to decide this unilaterally without even giving me the chance to show you who I am?

I am looking for someone interested in X
How do you know that I am not interested in X, too?
We don't put everything in our profiles. There's almost always a lot of important stuff that never gets written down.

--hide--

Marge pretty much wrote what I was thinking.
For the distance, who knows that they don't have family/friends/interests in your area and are moving there in a month? Everyone (well a lot of people) who is married say they would go anywhere with their spouse...I think if you find that special someone you will work something out. No, it won't be easy, but I think if there is a connection, let that develop before deciding if distance really is the issue. Marriage is about compromise.

I had a girl tell me after we'd been spending a fair bit of time with each other for a while that she wasn't my type and I wasn't her type. Honestly, this was very frustrating to hear, though I got over it fairly quickly...we had never really talked about what I looked for in a girl, I asked her out on a date, so obviously I thought she was my type! Really it just made me think she was a little crazy lol. It did affirm for me that she was not really my type, but only because I want someone who wants me.

No, not everything goes in our profiles. Heck, I think I need to update mine because I think I've changed in some ways since I last updated it. Who knows if that person whose profile stated they hated all sports didn't just recently become a huge hockey fan!

As much as I think we all want to know why someone doesn't like us, I'm not convinced it's a good thing to know the truth - it might be better to talk with a good friend or family member about it if you're really concerned about who you're attracting or not attracting...and just be yourself, the awesome version of you that is open to new things, new people, etc.

Apr 25th 2013 new

(Quote) Christopher-546242 said: I have a good way to let people know that I really am not interested, but in such a way tha...
(Quote) Christopher-546242 said:

I have a good way to let people know that I really am not interested, but in such a way that they aren't offended. We are on a Catholic site after all... we should probably avoid hurting people unnecessarily. They did take the time to reach out to you.

So what you do is pick something about their profile that is not compatible with you. Choose something that they really cannot change, BESIDES THEIR LOOKS if that's the reason why.

#1. I'm sorry, but you are just too far away for us to have a chance together. Thanks though, I think your profile sounds great and you'll find the right person on here.

#2. I'm looking to marry someone with the same interest in sports as me, so unfortunately I don't think we're compatible.

#3. Thanks for sending the emote. I really appreciate you taking the time to write to me, but I am looking for someone interested in X, as I am.

You get the idea, mention something in their profile when you turn them down. That way you at least show that you took the time to do what they did for you. You never know who knows who on here, and one good deed might lead to another.

--hide--



Simply write, "Thank you very much for your thoughts." Anyone will immediately recognize that if you had any interest, you would write more.

1) You're responding to a note or emotigram, which is the decent thing to do, 2) it's honest (the less said, the better), and 3) it's a charitable way of getting a point across.

What you're suggesting is dishonest, even if it's only a little white lie. Why have someone start doing some soul-searching over their profile, when their profile had nothing to do with your lack of interest?


Apr 25th 2013 new
My response to these is plain and simple . Be honest on real reason . Women are smart enough to know the real deal . We' re all adults here anyway .Should be fine . Dishonesty is a reflection of bad character anyway ... aka. ... Alibi that are untruthful IMHO no offense to your kindness :-)
Apr 25th 2013 new
(Quote) William-607613 said: Simply write, "Thank you very much for your thoughts." Anyone will immediately recogni...
(Quote) William-607613 said:




Simply write, "Thank you very much for your thoughts." Anyone will immediately recognize that if you had any interest, you would write more.

1) You're responding to a note or emotigram, which is the decent thing to do, 2) it's honest (the less said, the better), and 3) it's a charitable way of getting a point across.

What you're suggesting is dishonest, even if it's only a little white lie. Why have someone start doing some soul-searching over their profile, when their profile had nothing to do with your lack of interest?


--hide--
I like this approach. I have used it myself.
Apr 25th 2013 new

But -- but -- the truth is ugly sometimes... faint

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