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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Apr 26 new

I agree with most of what has already been said. Being playful, especially with little pokes & tickles, and having that reciprocated is a sign to me of possibly more. Touches are also something I would look for or do...put an arm around her or something like that and notice her doing the same, or getting even closer would be a sign to me. I also think that wanting to spend time alone with each other is a good sign that there may be more interest there. I've had girls ask me if I wanted to go for dinner or to an activity/event...but if they ask if I want to bring a friend too I would tend to take that as a possible sign that they don't want it to seem like a date. If I'm interested in being more than friends, I also would be more likely to offer to pay for her dinner/drinks/movie/etc if I'm interested in her. I would also tend to look for signs of being more nurturing and really showing you care about each other...does she offer to cook or bake for me? Does she invite me to her place or always want to meet in public? Do other friends ask if we're dating or interested in more? Maybe they are seeing or hearing something that indicates a possible connection. Do you talk about each other's love lives and ask each other for advice about dating? It's probably not a good sign if they do, but that could also be an opportunity to ask what the other looks for in a potential and try to steer the conversation towards how you could meet those desires, or listen and act on that information in the future. I would also suggest upping the ante a bit with the flirting and see how she responds. I've been called out on flirting with female friends, but that gave me a good in to specifically ask her out on a date. Finally, compare how she acts with you to how she acts with other people of the opposite sex. If they seem pretty shy or reserved with everyone except you, I would take that as a good sign. Overall, listen and read their body language, and really...just carpe diem, seize the day in a way that you are comfortable with (without being afraid to stretch yourself a bit). Lots of people say they don't want to ruin the friendship, but I think that missing the opportunity for that special someone is even worse. If it's a strong enough friendship, the friendship should survive, and if not, c'est la vie. That's life. I think there are very few male/female friendships that can, or even should, take priority over a romantic relationship that leads to marriage.

None of these are hard and fast rules though...but I think seeing several of the above in combination means there's a good chance of there being interest in more.

Apr 26 new

(Quote) Consuelo-941139 said: Men, maybe you could tell me how to get a man past his committment fears, or ...
(Quote) Consuelo-941139 said:

Men, maybe you could tell me how to get a man past his committment fears, or how to find one without them.



Thanks!

--hide--


Give us some more solid advice, guys!!!

Apr 26 new
(Quote) Dan-656122 said: I think Marge, Bob, and Joanna have all touched on some good points. You have to read him to see if he...
(Quote) Dan-656122 said:



I think Marge, Bob, and Joanna have all touched on some good points. You have to read him to see if he's showing friendship or appears interested in more. If he's not giving you any kind of a green light, then I'd say it's without question a friendship in his mind. I know I have female friends like that. If they made an effort at something more, I'd be flattered, but also would make it clear that we're friends with my actions. If he's showing interest, then it depends on the level, but coming from personal experience. I have a female friend who liked me when we met and I told her I wanted to be friends, but she felt my body language, way I talked, eyes, etc showed her I was interested in more than friendship. So, she started "pushing the boundaries", which means she started getting into my personal space. She'd lean towards me when we were standing by one another or if we were sitting, she'd sit really close to me so our shoulders were touching. She'd give me flirty looks and touch me, like poking me or just touching my arm. I must admit that it made me look at our friendship and question my intentions with her. Eventually, I started falling for her and we did end up dating, but it broke off, so it didn't work out, but if she wasn't as persistent as she was, I would say it would have never gone to dating. She ended up confronting me at one point and asked where things were going, because it seemed like more than a friendship to her and in all honesty it was. So, it might take some time, but use your femininity to your advantage. Like men are visual, so dress up, like my friend did, hard to ignore a woman who's dolled up and wearing nice clothes, that are modest, but still let you know she's a woman. Wear perfume as well, but don't over do it, men love a woman who smells good. Men like sex, so invade his personal space.......touch him......give him a "look" that says, I like you.........a lot. Be playful and flirty. Men like compliments so, laugh at his jokes and let him be himself and let him know it's OK and you like it. You appreciate he's silly and funny and maybe even a tad dorky. I'm telling you, all this worked with me and it can work for you, but it's like I say, he has to be open to it and he'll give signs if he is.

--hide--


clap Thank you, Dan! This is the kind of advice I was looking for men to share with women who are seeking to "drop the hankie" around a male friend. This is spot on.

(FWIW, I personally am not currently in a friendship that I seek to make a romance. I wish I was. I have been in the past, and these were some of the things that I did to let my male friend know how I was open to romantic interest from him. The interest wasn't reciprocated, but that's okay. Hindsight showed me that being friends was smart, but being married wouldn't be,)
Apr 26 new
(Quote) Mike-646924 said: Ok My two cents worth; To me it all depends how things are going; If its a Good (first) date; Good ...
(Quote) Mike-646924 said:

Ok My two cents worth; To me it all depends how things are going; If its a Good (first) date; Good Vibes Good Chemistry; and its allllllllll Good; Again; I don't like to take it to fat with a Lady git to know her; (i say) Study Her "body Lanuage" abit; Joke with each other; and do maybe a little Pda's and some other kind of lets day kiss testing; just to see her reaction (on everything) She might give a hint to me to take it to the next level; seriously; i woman i dated ( years ago) did present that to me; I was nver asked that before; I was havin one of those shocked looks in my face; I just HUGGED HER / KISSED HER AND SAID Yeah ( thought ya never ask) I got a (nice) shot in the arm (punch from her) it just stung a bit; anyway yeah just don't rush into it right away!! (make sense)? Mike "Peace"!!

--hide--


Thanks, Mike. But what if it isn't a first date? What if you have been friends for awhile and have never been on a date, but the lady would like to have a date with you? She wants to inspire you to think about her in terms of dating her, not just being friends. What should she do to inspire that kind of interest so that you will ask her out on that first date?
Apr 26 new
(Quote) Peter-189584 said: I agree with most of what has already been said. Being playful, especially with little pokes & tickles, and...
(Quote) Peter-189584 said:

I agree with most of what has already been said. Being playful, especially with little pokes & tickles, and having that reciprocated is a sign to me of possibly more. Touches are also something I would look for or do...put an arm around her or something like that and notice her doing the same, or getting even closer would be a sign to me. I also think that wanting to spend time alone with each other is a good sign that there may be more interest there. I've had girls ask me if I wanted to go for dinner or to an activity/event...but if they ask if I want to bring a friend too I would tend to take that as a possible sign that they don't want it to seem like a date. If I'm interested in being more than friends, I also would be more likely to offer to pay for her dinner/drinks/movie/etc if I'm interested in her. I would also tend to look for signs of being more nurturing and really showing you care about each other...does she offer to cook or bake for me? Does she invite me to her place or always want to meet in public? Do other friends ask if we're dating or interested in more? Maybe they are seeing or hearing something that indicates a possible connection. Do you talk about each other's love lives and ask each other for advice about dating? It's probably not a good sign if they do, but that could also be an opportunity to ask what the other looks for in a potential and try to steer the conversation towards how you could meet those desires, or listen and act on that information in the future. I would also suggest upping the ante a bit with the flirting and see how she responds. I've been called out on flirting with female friends, but that gave me a good in to specifically ask her out on a date. Finally, compare how she acts with you to how she acts with other people of the opposite sex. If they seem pretty shy or reserved with everyone except you, I would take that as a good sign. Overall, listen and read their body language, and really...just carpe diem, seize the day in a way that you are comfortable with (without being afraid to stretch yourself a bit). Lots of people say they don't want to ruin the friendship, but I think that missing the opportunity for that special someone is even worse. If it's a strong enough friendship, the friendship should survive, and if not, c'est la vie. That's life. I think there are very few male/female friendships that can, or even should, take priority over a romantic relationship that leads to marriage.



None of these are hard and fast rules though...but I think seeing several of the above in combination means there's a good chance of there being interest in more.

--hide--


Peter, I love your response. Like you said, no hard and fast rules. So we have to the seize the day. I especially agree with the last part I bolded. All relationships are destined to change. They are dynamic in nature, so they will evolved as time goes on. I think this is especially true with male-female relationships. The most intense and special male-female relationship is marriage. Having this relationship changes all the others. So it is worth the risk. Either we will have it or not with this good friend. Either way our friendship will change with them. If we don't change it, then we WILL be stuck in Friend Zone, because we have not made room for the right person to be the friend and lover we are seeking. Someone else is occupying that space in our heart and head. Time for that person to claim their spot. Or time for us to clear them out. (I don't mean get rid of the friendship; just reorganize their place in our life.)
Apr 26 new
(Quote) Consuelo-941139 said: What's this? In all honesty, I've never had a roma...
(Quote) Consuelo-941139 said:



What's this?

In all honesty, I've never had a romantic relationship begin without going first through the "friend zone". I normally meet someone through work or school and begin building relationship where I find out the important things: are you a man of faith, are you intimidated by intelligent women, etc. Then we hit the romantic ground walking, not stumbling and falling. Only thing is, the men usually didn't take the relationship seriously enough to pursue marriage (met many with non commitment ideals from the start). Sigh. O well, back to the start.


Men, maybe you could tell me how to get a man past his committment fears, or how to find one without them.


Thanks!

--hide--


Consuelo, can you explain more about "hit the romantic ground walking, not stumbling and falling?" How does that happen for you?

I've never dated someone I was already friends with. My beaus have always been men that I knew from the onset were interested in a romantic relationship. They wanted to become friends, too, but I knew they saw me as "more" than a friend. Their intentions were clear to me. I don't know if any of the male friends I've had that I would have been open to a romantic relationship with have ever been interested in a romance with me. None of them have ever pursued after I've left my clear signals (see Dan and Peter's posts. Heck, one or two of them I flat out suggested myself. Didn't work. Honestly, it made both of us uncomfortable and feeling yucky. I much prefer the rituals of expressing interest that the men suggested. That's what I'll use should this come up again for me in the future. But I'm honestly not seeking friendships with men without the interest in romance. The juggling act is very hard. Not that I will refuse friendships along the way-- just that I am not actively looking for that from a man. I'm looking for the often elusive, beautiful combo of simultaneous friendship-romance. faint)
Apr 26 new

Personally I have no commitment fears. The only problem I would have is getting physical too fast. I think it is best to date for a long time without physical affection aside from hugs maybe. Then after it's been awhile maybe it would be okay to snuggle and hold hand. If I had my way, I would save my first kiss for the wedding day, but that's just me :)

Apr 27 new

I had an ex once in high school that I was friends with that pulled a trick on me and pretend that she had a friend that was interested in me. I then got letters and used a website, what website i don't know any more to get information about her. She finally wrote in a letter pretending to be that girl saying my friend had a crush on me. And the rest was history.

Apr 27 new
I would wait until we are undoubtedly a couple before holding hands, but wanting to spend time alone in a chaste fashion would prolly be a good sign to me that we are ready to move on.
Apr 28 new

(Quote) Dawn-58330 said: Thank you, Dan! This is the kind of advice I was looking for men to share with women who are seeki...
(Quote) Dawn-58330 said:

Thank you, Dan! This is the kind of advice I was looking for men to share with women who are seeking to "drop the hankie" around a male friend. This is spot on.

(FWIW, I personally am not currently in a friendship that I seek to make a romance. I wish I was. I have been in the past, and these were some of the things that I did to let my male friend know how I was open to romantic interest from him. The interest wasn't reciprocated, but that's okay. Hindsight showed me that being friends was smart, but being married wouldn't be,)
--hide--


Glad it's of assistance, Dawn (aka Purveyor of Posititivity). One other item that I've remembered. The way to a man's heart is through his stomach. She invited me over for the Super Bowl and made a homemade pizza, plus snacks. Let's just say I was impressed and she started to look a whole lot more attractive to me. Granted she was wearing jeans for the first time and I did look. Sorry, but it's hard not to look and I didn't stare. Anyway, that was a one-two combo with food and sex as she sat right by me on the couch and actually leaned on me, which I enjoyed........a lot. Like I say, it started out as a friendship, but through her efforts, I did start to see her in a different manner and developed romantic feelings for her. So, it can be done, but like I say you have to look for the signs from him that he'd be interested in being more than friends.

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