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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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Apr 29th 2013 new

(Quote) Jerry-74383 said: (Quote) Marian-83994 said: I think that if women are single, they a...
(Quote) Jerry-74383 said:

Quote:
Marian-83994 said:



I think that if women are single, they are not seen as potentially a priest. They may be forgotten sooner if they remain single, whereas the young man may be seen as discerning a vocation.... This is just an impression and not exactly an opinion.
I did not bring it up because I think women should be priests or anything but I think that women are given less validation as singles in society at large. As for the Church- I would have to consider and reconsider what I said. It could be changing right now since Pope Francis recently announced he is going to hire women in the Vatican according to one report on the forums. It could be that some shifts in society will change things....again.


While women can't be priest, they can become religious sisters.

Have you actually witnessed these behaviors on a widespread basis, or is this purely speculation or based on what you've observed with a very small number of singles who may have either explicitly expressed interest in a vocation or shown some evidence of having one?

Also keep in ming that any individual attention paid to those who may have a religious vocation is most likely motivated by the individual showing interest, not a global policy of "the Church".

--hide--


I won't even try to substantiate anything I wrote because it was mostly stated based simply on impressions and not much else, although I have moved a lot and gone to many parishes in Southern California during certain years in California. But many years have passed since that time and our church may have been changing the whole time since then.

Still there is not enough there for me to conclude anything. My sense is only based on an over all impression, nothing I could quantify or prove. Furthermore it was stated more to offer fodder for discussion than as any real informative contribution. So I am not surprised anyone would question it...

I think older singles and divorced have felt ignored for years and people don't question that. I know many never married women who feel equally ignored as the divorced and widowed group and who have given up trying to have any great presence in a parish. I think married people represent more stability to the average mindset. I think in general people tend to place more value on what they think adds stability to a parish or parish life. I can'r expect people to simply agree with this but i can say I have been a single woman living alone in a big parish and among a group of parishes and I felt passed over if you will. I think I will let this drop, I think a lot of never married women may feel this way but not want to state it.

Apr 29th 2013 new

(Quote) Marian-83994 said: The church treats Catholic male singles differently than Catholic female singles.... ...
(Quote) Marian-83994 said:




The church treats Catholic male singles differently than Catholic female singles.... there is a little start to the question....

--hide--

I cannot speak for Catholic female singles, obviously, but in conservative Evangelical churches, it's male singles over 25 that are pretty much left out.

Apr 29th 2013 new

(Quote) Marian-83994 said: I think that if women are single, they are not seen as potentially a priest. They may be ...
(Quote) Marian-83994 said:



I think that if women are single, they are not seen as potentially a priest. They may be forgotten sooner if they remain single, whereas the young man may be seen as discerning a vocation.... This is just an impression and not exactly an opinion.
I did not bring it up because I think women should be priests or anything but I think that women are given less validation as singles in society at large. As for the Church- I would have to consider and reconsider what I said. It could be changing right now since Pope Francis recently announced he is going to hire women in the Vatican according to one report on the forums. It could be that some shifts in society will change things....again.

--hide--



Why couldn't a single woman be seen as discerning a vocation to the nunnery?

Apr 29th 2013 new

(Quote) Gary-936836 said: (Quote) Marian-83994 said: The church treats Catholic male sing...
(Quote) Gary-936836 said:

Quote:
Marian-83994 said:




The church treats Catholic male singles differently than Catholic female singles.... there is a little start to the question....


I cannot speak for Catholic female singles, obviously, but in conservative Evangelical churches, it's male singles over 25 that are pretty much left out.

--hide--



Because they are not married? I know that the Evangelical churches really focus on the married couples and promote marriage.....How do you experience this in those places? If you look at my post, you will see that I really did not have a way to describe what I was stating. Can you describve how this looks for a single male over 25?

Apr 29th 2013 new

(Quote) Patrick-341178 said: (Quote) Marian-83994 said: I think that if women are single, the...
(Quote) Patrick-341178 said:

Quote:
Marian-83994 said:



I think that if women are single, they are not seen as potentially a priest. They may be forgotten sooner if they remain single, whereas the young man may be seen as discerning a vocation.... This is just an impression and not exactly an opinion.
I did not bring it up because I think women should be priests or anything but I think that women are given less validation as singles in society at large. As for the Church- I would have to consider and reconsider what I said. It could be changing right now since Pope Francis recently announced he is going to hire women in the Vatican according to one report on the forums. It could be that some shifts in society will change things....again.





Why couldn't a single woman be seen as discerning a vocation to the nunnery?

--hide--



Because she is very often not doing that. She has to be asked to marry so her status is based on the chance that she has or has not met a man who asked her. Men often return to church after they marry and have children so she loses out some in hoping to meet a man at church if the men have left the church.

Apr 29th 2013 new

(Quote) Patrick-341178 said: (Quote) Marian-83994 said: I think that if women are single, the...
(Quote) Patrick-341178 said:

Quote:
Marian-83994 said:



I think that if women are single, they are not seen as potentially a priest. They may be forgotten sooner if they remain single, whereas the young man may be seen as discerning a vocation.... This is just an impression and not exactly an opinion.
I did not bring it up because I think women should be priests or anything but I think that women are given less validation as singles in society at large. As for the Church- I would have to consider and reconsider what I said. It could be changing right now since Pope Francis recently announced he is going to hire women in the Vatican according to one report on the forums. It could be that some shifts in society will change things....again.





Why couldn't a single woman be seen as discerning a vocation to the nunnery?

--hide--



It is a good question but it does not address how a woman feels when she does not want to be a nun and yet remains unmarried but wants to be married. ........So probably what I am actually revealing in my comments is how a woman feels in a parish where she is "just a single woman..." on days when she does not feel quite as good....


I imagine widowed and divorced of both genders feel this too.

Apr 29th 2013 new

(Quote) Marian-83994 said: Because they are not married? I know that the Evangelical churches really focus on th...
(Quote) Marian-83994 said:




Because they are not married? I know that the Evangelical churches really focus on the married couples and promote marriage.....How do you experience this in those places? If you look at my post, you will see that I really did not have a way to describe what I was stating. Can you describve how this looks for a single male over 25?

--hide--

Not very well, I can't. It's just that in my experience with the Evangelical church I was at for four years, there's a college ministry (sort of...) and then there are small groups of mixed ages, and most of the young singles are split so far apart as to not really interact with each other. However, there is a very active childcare ministry -- again, this is just one church -- and there are so many kids that the childcare takes up all available classrooms in the church during both services. And that provides a social outlet for females, but not so much for us males who aren't good with kids. Which is to say, most males.

I guess my experience is too limited to say much, but it's been frustrating enough for me and alienating enough that I felt it was worth mentioning, at least to vent it if for no other reason.

Apr 29th 2013 new

[quote]Patrick-341178 said:

I have read some posts by some of my fellow singles that they feel like they are lesser than those catholic who are married or are in religious life. Although I can understand those feelings (as I have had them myself from time to time), I don't believe that is the case. Yes, it can be tough at times to be a catholic single adult, and it does seem to get tougher the older you get.


Yet, I can't say I have felt less welcome in the church being single. I would say the church is probably more welcoming and understanding of singles than society as a whole.


I wonder what others think....

I have felt this way. One event that really made me feel left out as a single person was a big Rosary celebration in San Francisco last year. It was an anniversary for a very large Rosary event that occurred (I believe in the 50's or 60's)..Anyway, it was labeled the 'Family' Rosary...
This allienates much of the singles...especially San Francisco which is really isn't a community with very many 'families' due to the high cost of living. They pulled some well known guest from EWTN, but the turnout was not very big. I don't know what the history of the Rosary is...but it seems like it should be for families AND singles...and anyone...Labeling it such felt like a deterrent.

Apr 29th 2013 new
From my own impressions, both men and women who leave the Church do not come back after they get married. And for that matter, many of us men are not discerning sacred ministry any more than women are discerning religious life. Finally, while women have to be asked, men have to ask and have their proposals accepted. Therefore, considering the points you made, I think we are on equal footing.

You mentioned before that you think older singles, and particularly women, are neglected in the Church. How do you think that I, as a single man without a vocation to sacred orders, feel?
Apr 29th 2013 new

Marge hits a great point. At my former parish, the cutoff for young adults is 40, so at some events, you had to show ID, and if you were over 40, you were excluded. That particular Atlanta parish just casts you out. A separate non-parish-affiliated group was formed in response.

Probably the worst church experience I've had was being single and volunteering to serve in different ministries and help out others when needed, while hoping God would bring the right woman into my life. However, when certain overly religious laypeople found out I was still single, they decided that not only should I consider a religious vocation, but it was their God-given duty to push me in that direction. Some even went so far as to warn me that if a religious vocation was my calling and I didn't pursue it, God will be very angry with me at my judgment. Try dealing with THAT in your respective parish.

I'm not single because I want to be. It's just my current status in life. I pray every day for it to change, and am working on self-improvement to that end, leaving the rest up to God. It's not good for man to be alone.

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