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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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Apr 30th 2013 new

(Quote) Marian-83994 said:I imagine widowed and divorced of both genders feel this too.
(Quote) Marian-83994 said:

I imagine widowed and divorced of both genders feel this too.

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I wouldn't say that I'm a 2nd class citizen in my parish - they truly are incredibly supportive. However, in many ways it's that I straddle so many groups; people aren't sure where to put me. I'm a widow, but I'm under 40 (one of 2 in the entire parish to the best of my knowledge). I have a child, so I don't exactly match the typical profile of the under 40 young adult Catholic. My child is in the parochial school, but we're certainly not the typical school family either. Frankly, my parish does recognize they haven't done a great job with single Catholics (younger and older) and recently I've seen some signs of change, but still nothing that speaks to me. I'm the type that would volunteer to make the change I want to see, but I'm a full-time student and mom, so it's just not possible right now.

Other parishes in my area do have more active young adult groups and/or widow groups, but not being a member of the parish, it's hard to keep up with their activities. I also do think a parish my size (5000 families) can and should encourage greater involvement.

Apr 30th 2013 new

(Quote) Danielle-960603 said: In general it is more acceptable in the world to be an old bachelor than an old maid.
(Quote) Danielle-960603 said:

In general it is more acceptable in the world to be an old bachelor than an old maid.

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Yes, true, unfortunately.

May 1st 2013 new

(Quote) Marian-83994 said: I imagine widowed and divorced of both genders feel this too.
(Quote) Marian-83994 said:

I imagine widowed and divorced of both genders feel this too.

--hide--


I think that depends on the Parish & and Parish Priests. I can honestly say that I've never felt less significant since my spouse passed away. In fact, I would say that the opposite is true, because I have become more active in the Parish, and as a result the priests are more willing to ask of those they know and trust.


Additionally, especially the Associant Pastor has been very encouraging to me when he sees me at functions that are normally a couples function, and he'll make the time to comment, and acknowledge that I'm out and busy instead of being at home mopping, etc.. I say this because I've gone to 2 KofC dinner / dances and both times the Associate Pastor has made a comment of it, especially this last year recognizing that it was good to see 4th Degree representation at such an event, especially being without a date.

May 1st 2013 new

I don't know if it's being a 2nd class citizen, or if it's just the fact that being single is lonely. Perhaps it's just me, but it feels like if you don't meet someone by the time by the time you graduate college (or around 25), that dating becomes much harder. Sitting in church, I find the people in my age group have families already, and I'm one of the few that's sitting by myself.


I don't think the church should be a dating service, but just proving the opportunity for singles to get together would be nice. Like having a mass on Sunday that has the homily geared towards single life more, and then telling everyone in advance what mass it is, and have a place for singles to gather afterwards. Randomising it between different masses so they can make it to another time if they have to work then would be good too (Sometimes I work weekends and go to evening mass).


Though if God would like to give my priest the contact info of my soul mate, I won't turn it down if he decides to pass it on.

May 1st 2013 new

(Quote) Danielle-960603 said: In general it is more acceptable in the world to be an old bachelor than an old maid.
(Quote) Danielle-960603 said:

In general it is more acceptable in the world to be an old bachelor than an old maid.

--hide--


I personally don't agree with this. I had a counslor once say to me that we live in a couples society, and as a result society in general has a standard of what is normal, and not being "coupled" is not "normal". irked


Perhaps because I'm a younger widower its a little different, but I get asked frequently if I'm dating, if I want to remarry, why I'm not married again, etc. etc.. Maybe its because I have been married that society thinks I'm especially "broken" because I did fit within the "norm" but am now outside the accepted norm? scratchchin boggled irked


I understand that widows get the same thing, but from talking to the widows I know it may not be to the same extent. Thankfully I have a standard answer (at least for Catholics) that pretty much shuts them up right away, which is "His will be done" and I walk away or change subjects.

May 1st 2013 new

(Quote) Marge-938695 said: I definitely feel like a second-class citizen, among Catholics and among society as a whole. ...
(Quote) Marge-938695 said:

I definitely feel like a second-class citizen, among Catholics and among society as a whole.

--hide--


I wonder if that's because you were "normal" and now you're seen as "broken" because you don't fit into the "normal" you once did? At least that's my general observation on society as a whole.


That said, my Parish has been a fantastic support, and even offers a faith bases support group for people who are grieving. Most of us are widows / widowers, though there have been others who are coping with other losses.

May 1st 2013 new

(Quote) Meesch-691047 said: The "singles ministry" in the Catholic Church is the religious life.
(Quote) Meesch-691047 said: The "singles ministry" in the Catholic Church is the religious life.
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I completely disagree with you! The calling to religous life first requires a discernment to be single, but discerning a single life does not mean you are called to religous life. I have been told that I am free to seek ordination, and I constantly remind those that tell me this that being single does NOT mean I feeling a calling to ordination (regardless of priestly ordination or the permant deaconate as marrying would not be possible after ordination in either case within the Roman Rite). There are those that are single because they have not discerned which vocation they called to, there are those who are single because they feel a calling to a chaste single life (without seeking ordination) and there are those who are single because God has called them to a single life even though that's not what they would have chosen for themselves. In either case being single is a valid.

May 2nd 2013 new

My (final) opinion on this Thread; Listen if ya still feel like a "2nd class citizen" at your "Paraish" Then either Branch out and start your own event's; there; Or (just) go to mass worship; And "Branch yourselves out; go somewhere else like a "Meetup" event for singles your own age. But yeah sometimes it hard even for me (sometimes) they don't have event's for singles our age; But i don't take it "personally" not any more when i can go to a events and have FUN!! else where; And (the way i see it) there's nothin wrong with that; So lets all quit the so callled whining; or pity party; or whatever ya call it and go out and have FUN else where; Go find it its there. Mike "Peace"!!

May 2nd 2013 new

(Quote) Mike-646924 said: My (final) opinion on this Thread; Listen if ya still feel like a "2nd class citizen" at...
(Quote) Mike-646924 said:

My (final) opinion on this Thread; Listen if ya still feel like a "2nd class citizen" at your "Paraish" Then either Branch out and start your own event's; there; Or (just) go to mass worship; And "Branch yourselves out; go somewhere else like a "Meetup" event for singles your own age. But yeah sometimes it hard even for me (sometimes) they don't have event's for singles our age; But i don't take it "personally" not any more when i can go to a events and have FUN!! else where; And (the way i see it) there's nothin wrong with that; So lets all quit the so callled whining; or pity party; or whatever ya call it and go out and have FUN else where; Go find it its there. Mike "Peace"!!

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In the past 4 years, I have found groups that I attend and I enjoy in the Catholic parishes here and these have enriched my life more than I can say. I agree with you that we all need to try to do these things. It will not be perfect but each attempt is a beneficial start.

I have been able to sense much more community since I joined several separate groups and activities at church and made friends in these.

I don't feel like a second class citizen. I think if everyone here committed to trying 3 new things at church in the next year, we would all be happier. Mine are: a Catholic book group, a bible study and meeting people who keep the perpetual adoration going as well as talking to some folks after mass. Usually 3 things would be enough to help us feel a sense of belonging.

May 2nd 2013 new

The main thing I have learned over all the years is that our church comes alive when we are in community.

Community exists when we are with one another and when we get together.

I can guarantee you that if I lived in Los Angeles (Long Beach) where I used to live, I would be getting together with people from this site down there. I don't sense the same openness with people from CM up here, and people are further apart up here.

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