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This room is dedicated to those who are facing the challenge of raising children without the support of a spouse. This is a place to share ideas and lend mutual support.

Saint Rita is known to be a patroness for abused wives and mourning women.
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Apr 30 new

As I was catching up on this thread, I, myself, was wondering about having another man who could be a positive male figure in his life--someone your son could spend guy time with, and maybe share his feelings with, whether it be a counselor or a Big Brother or something. And Dana beat me to suggesting that idea. Could this be a possibility?

Apr 30 new

(Quote) Lina-796057 said: As I was catching up on this thread, I, myself, was wondering about having another man who could b...
(Quote) Lina-796057 said:

As I was catching up on this thread, I, myself, was wondering about having another man who could be a positive male figure in his life--someone your son could spend guy time with, and maybe share his feelings with, whether it be a counselor or a Big Brother or something. And Dana beat me to suggesting that idea. Could this be a possibility?

--hide--


I am very lucky in that he has a close relationship with my dad even though he is in Chicago. They talk on the phone quite often. In the neighborhood, there are several men that have stepped up when his dad moved out. There is one couple in particular that lives across the stream from us. They have adoped us. They never had children, but consider me their daughter and my son their grandson. My son will knock on their door and if the wife answers, he immediately asks "is Ken home". Ken and their upstairs neighbor both love to draw using sidewalk chalk and probably enjoy it as much as my son. The upstairs neighbor is also the resident expert on Superheros, so anytime something comes up that I don't know, I tell him to go ask Phil.

He does have someone, but it's just not dad

Apr 30 new

No, no one can replace Dad. sad

So what about something like "Dad is just not feeling well for a while, son, and I know he really wants to spend time with you, but he can't. We can pray real hard for him to get better; I know that will help. We will have to be patient, I guess."

May 25 new
I honestly don't think it has much to do with seeing his dad. Please keep in mind that both of my kids had ADHD and ODD as well as a few other diagnoses, so our "normal" was never normal! If any of this is helpful, great! If not, then find what is helpful for YOUR SON. Transitions were very hard for my kids. My son would tantrum, my daughter would poke along and be totally distracted by everything and if I got frustrated, she got upset. I wonder if the transitions are what are hard for your son, more than missing his dad.

My son (13) died when my daughter was 12. It was a huge blow to both of us and recovery was a long time coming. When my daughter would get in trouble and get upset, the teacher/principal/adult would ask her why she wasn't doing what she was supposed do do and she would say she didn't know. Then they'd ask if something was bothering/upsetting her and she'd think about it and of course, she'd think what might be upsetting her and she'd remember that her brother died and she'd start to cry. Everyone thought that she was misbehaving because of her brother's death...and started letting her off the hook. But, as I pointe out, she misbehaved before his death. We'd been through a similar situation when she was younger, where her grade school decided her problems were because her brother was disabled. I finally had to point out that (at that time) she was the leader and he the follower in any trouble at home, that she received just as much attention as he did. They stopped letting her off the hook.

After her brother died, I finally told the school staff to just address the behavior and if she brought up her brother, acknowledge it (I know you're sad because your brother died) and offer to talk about it later, but right now we need to talk about (whatever she was in trouble for). It worked. We were all able to work through her behaviors without dragging her pain into every situation. It helped her to feel better, too. She felt more in control of her emotions and not out of control all the time.

My advice would be to work out a behavior plan and if he brings up his dad, acknowledge that he's sad, tell him you can talk about it later, but right now we need to... get ready for school/bed/do homework.... whatever. After he throws his fit and does what needs to be done, you can ask him if he wants to talk about missing his dad. Chances are, he won't. Again, this worked for me in my situation. If it doesn't fi for you and your situation, find what does and ignore this!
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