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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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What About STD's?

May 5th 2013 new

Would anyone here date or marry someone with an STD? Have people here had talks about these issues with prospective marriage partners?

There has been a thread recently in another room here.

I am simply opening this discussion up for general commentary.

I think that due to the way people may have been affected by the sexual revolution or whatever it could be called, this issue does come up no doubt with frequency.

Obviously it is best to be able to tell someone that we have practiced abstinence and have no worries in this area.


Comments?

LOCKED
May 5th 2013 new

Great question!


I don't think I could... perhaps it's because I have been faithful in that regard. Although I would certainly prefer to find a wife who has also saved herself for marriage, all is forgivable, of course. However, an STD is so much more than a mistake... it's a particular consequence/burden that I can not see my self deliberately taking on. I hope I don't sound insensitive; I would like to hear other opinions from both sides.

LOCKED
May 5th 2013 new

(Quote) Matthew-928862 said: Great question! I don't think I could... perhaps it's because I have been fa...
(Quote) Matthew-928862 said:

Great question!


I don't think I could... perhaps it's because I have been faithful in that regard. Although I would certainly prefer to find a wife who has also saved herself for marriage, all is forgivable, of course. However, an STD is so much more than a mistake... it's a particular consequence/burden that I can not see my self deliberately taking on. I hope I don't sound insensitive; I would like to hear other opinions from both sides.

--hide--


So well put Matthew. God has called members of the religious life to remain celebate, as well as those who have same sex attractions. I also believe that God calls those with an STD to remain celebate. I know of more than one woman who contacted an STD from an unfaithful husband (the wives were faithful to their husbands and virgins when they married). It could go the other way as well, where the wife was unfaithful, contracted an STD, and now their faithful husband has an STD. They suffer because of the sins of their former spouses. Their call to remain celebate is their cross to bear.

LOCKED
May 5th 2013 new

(Quote) Matthew-928862 said: Great question! I don't think I could... perhaps it's because I have been fa...
(Quote) Matthew-928862 said:

Great question!


I don't think I could... perhaps it's because I have been faithful in that regard. Although I would certainly prefer to find a wife who has also saved herself for marriage, all is forgivable, of course. However, an STD is so much more than a mistake... it's a particular consequence/burden that I can not see my self deliberately taking on. I hope I don't sound insensitive; I would like to hear other opinions from both sides.

--hide--


I recently obtained several books on STD's in order to be up to date on the issue so I would be current and knowledgable, especially for clients.

I also was taught in grad school that persons must interview one another on their sexual histories in order to decide whether or not to proceed with dating. I think everyone here no matter what your experience level may or may not be, should always be prepared to interview a dating partner in detail and should never shy away from that. It would help protect you.

LOCKED
May 6th 2013 new

I know married couples where 1 has an STD. I dated a nice Catholic woman who had an STD once. The thought of marrying someone with an STD is tough. I guess you have to assume you will get the STD if you get married, even though there are people that never get the STD that the spouse has. As far as the woman I dated, we broke up for other reasons and we were not intimate. STD's are tough, I think you really need to know about the STD from a medical perspective before you decide. I break up with someone that you really care about because they have an STD is tough. I guess we need to be compassionate and loving. Rejecting someoe because they have an STD, considering it may not at all be their fault, strikes me as very cold. I mean, what if it were you, how would you want people to react to you? Would you think it is right that you never marry because your wife, or husband, gave you herpies when you were 25 and died when you were 26?

Where does it stop? How many excuses do you have for not marrying? Do you wonder why you are single? Marriage requires that you love and accept some very imperfect person into your heart, your life and your bed.

LOCKED
May 6th 2013 new

(Quote) Lawrence-943343 said: I know married couples where 1 has an STD. I dated a nice Catholic woman who had an STD once. ...
(Quote) Lawrence-943343 said:

I know married couples where 1 has an STD. I dated a nice Catholic woman who had an STD once. The thought of marrying someone with an STD is tough. I guess you have to assume you will get the STD if you get married, even though there are people that never get the STD that the spouse has. As far as the woman I dated, we broke up for other reasons and we were not intimate. STD's are tough, I think you really need to know about the STD from a medical perspective before you decide. I break up with someone that you really care about because they have an STD is tough. I guess we need to be compassionate and loving. Rejecting someoe because they have an STD, considering it may not at all be their fault, strikes me as very cold. I mean, what if it were you, how would you want people to react to you? Would you think it is right that you never marry because your wife, or husband, gave you herpies when you were 25 and died when you were 26?

Where does it stop? How many excuses do you have for not marrying? Do you wonder why you are single? Marriage requires that you love and accept some very imperfect person into your heart, your life and your bed.

--hide--


Are you addressing me personally? There is no need for that Lawrence. It is nto about me. This is just a discussion and does not have to be personal. Good luck to you.

LOCKED
May 6th 2013 new

(Quote) Lawrence-943343 said: I know married couples where 1 has an STD. I dated a nice Catholic woman who had an STD once. ...
(Quote) Lawrence-943343 said:

I know married couples where 1 has an STD. I dated a nice Catholic woman who had an STD once. The thought of marrying someone with an STD is tough. I guess you have to assume you will get the STD if you get married, even though there are people that never get the STD that the spouse has. As far as the woman I dated, we broke up for other reasons and we were not intimate. STD's are tough, I think you really need to know about the STD from a medical perspective before you decide. I break up with someone that you really care about because they have an STD is tough. I guess we need to be compassionate and loving. Rejecting someoe because they have an STD, considering it may not at all be their fault, strikes me as very cold. I mean, what if it were you, how would you want people to react to you? Would you think it is right that you never marry because your wife, or husband, gave you herpies when you were 25 and died when you were 26?

Where does it stop? How many excuses do you have for not marrying? Do you wonder why you are single? Marriage requires that you love and accept some very imperfect person into your heart, your life and your bed.

--hide--


I DO encourage people here to face the facts and do that interview with people they intend to date. If doing that interview helps someone to make a good decision either way, then good.

Everyone has the freedom to make their own choices regarding these issues. My intent for this topic is general commentary. Nothing personal needs to be said to anyone here. Everyone has their own decisions to make. This includes the choice to not have premarital sex as well.

LOCKED
May 6th 2013 new

(Quote) Marian-83994 said: Would anyone here date or marry someone with an STD? Have people here had talks about these issue...
(Quote) Marian-83994 said:

Would anyone here date or marry someone with an STD? Have people here had talks about these issues with prospective marriage partners?

There has been a thread recently in another room here.

I am simply opening this discussion up for general commentary.

I think that due to the way people may have been affected by the sexual revolution or whatever it could be called, this issue does come up no doubt with frequency.

Obviously it is best to be able to tell someone that we have practiced abstinence and have no worries in this area.


Comments?

--hide--

Hi Marian,

I'm glad you brought this topic to general discussion. I think it would be important to discuss right up front, especially if it is a condition that can also be transmitted via blood or other types of interaction, one never knows when a minor accident might result in blood transfer or even a major accident. I also think it depends on the type of STD in question. Some are easily treated and leave no lasting issues, others cannot be cured and have repercussions of varying degrees.

Some people are concerned that there is a judgment associated with choosing not to date someone with a STD. I suppose there could be judgment of the person but not necessarily, there are many ways an innocent person can be exposed to a STD, the decision making process however must take into account, the STD, the prognosis, the potential for transmission, the potential ramifications to the non-infected partner's health and the health of any potential children. Every person has the right to safeguard the integrity of their body. In many states, it is a felony to knowingly engage in sexual activity that might transmit conditions such as HIV. I would argue it is also an ethical and moral issue to fail to disclose this type of information prior to the commencement of intimate relations, or even casual relationships when there is the potential for transmission via other routes such as blood.

I do not think it would prevent me from dating someone, but it would I would have to seriously consider it if I intended to marry someone. I have responsibilities to other people as well as to myself and its one of those things that needs to be considered thoroughly.

LOCKED
May 6th 2013 new

Hi Marian

Sorry if you got the idea I was addressing you personally. That was not my intent at all.

LOCKED
May 6th 2013 new

Is this what you discuss in the henhouse... ehrm!... I mean pink room? eyepopping

If so, thank you Lord for the gift of the Y-chromosome. duck

LOCKED
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