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This room is for those who have lost a spouse and need support or who can provide support to those who have.

Saint Paula is the patron saint of widows and Saint Stephen is the patron saint of deacons
Learn More: Saint Stephen and Saint Paula

May 7th 2013 new

(Quote) Joyce-891806 said: Great advice! CM should be her support source, not a means to find a new love. She needs to give ...
(Quote) Joyce-891806 said:

Great advice! CM should be her support source, not a means to find a new love. She needs to give herself the gift of time and her faith in god to help her help herself through this most difficult time. Amen

--hide--
Correction "God"

May 7th 2013 new

hug Praying Hi Kerry,
I, too, was widowed 14 years ago, when I was 46, with two elementary aged girls...He was a wonderful, Godly man, and outstanding father and frien, and I was demolished. Yes, it was cancer....and yes, we were financially devastated.

Like Marge and Joyce and Jane and the others, we find great sources of friendship and solace here on CM--not just in the Widow/Widowers Room, but other threads, as well. I originally began in this Room, and then ventured out into the rest of the Fora--just inching along, like in a long, dark tunnel. After almost 3 years on CM, I haven't found many "dates", but rather MANY FRIENDS! All of them have helped me find out more about myself--the one that was terribly isolated and alone and lonely--and more importantly, have given me "strength for the journey" in my faith and life.

Go slow--there is no rush, regardless of our "biological" clock or loneliness or bankbook. Pray. Listen. Be support for your son--the few remaining years you have together before he goes on his adult way are sooo short, and you don't get them back!

God will lead you on. Make those lists--I still do that! Recall what used to make you joyful (before you were ever married) and indulge yourself, whether cooking, hiking, singing, volunteering, etc. I worked part-time at first, then went back to college for a professional degree and full-time work. It is still painfulat times (more a bittersweet, poignant pain now), but in the past few years, I KNOW that I am meant to love again, and have finally "released" my late husband's tethers so I can embrace a possible new mate. Time heals. hug

May 7th 2013 new

hug Praying Hi Kerry,
I, too, was widowed 14 years ago, when I was 46, with two elementary aged girls...He was a wonderful, Godly man, and outstanding father and frien, and I was demolished. Yes, it was cancer....and yes, we were financially devastated.

Like Marge and Joyce and Jane and the others, we find great sources of friendship and solace here on CM--not just in the Widow/Widowers Room, but other threads, as well. I originally began in this Room, and then ventured out into the rest of the Fora--just inching along, like in a long, dark tunnel. After almost 3 years on CM, I haven't found many "dates", but rather MANY FRIENDS! All of them have helped me find out more about myself--the one that was terribly isolated and alone and lonely--and more importantly, have given me "strength for the journey" in my faith and life.

Go slow--there is no rush, regardless of our "biological" clock or loneliness or bankbook. Pray. Listen. Be support for your son--the few remaining years you have together before he goes on his adult way are sooo short, and you don't get them back!

God will lead you on. Make those lists--I still do that! Recall what used to make you joyful (before you were ever married) and indulge yourself, whether cooking, hiking, singing, volunteering, etc. I worked part-time at first, then went back to college for a professional degree and full-time work. It is still painfulat times (more a bittersweet, poignant pain now), but in the past few years, I KNOW that I am meant to love again, and have finally "released" my late husband's tethers so I can embrace a possible new mate. Time heals. hug

May 11th 2013 new

(Quote) Kerry-970208 said: Thank you both so much. It is terrifying. I am trying to get things done, have accomplished going...
(Quote) Kerry-970208 said:

Thank you both so much. It is terrifying. I am trying to get things done, have accomplished going to Social Security and getting my son's benefits and mine going (my husband was disabled the last few years of his life), so we can manage the bills coming in. It's the nighttime that is so hard for me--and the weekends. I just cannot believe he won't be walking in the door, saying "See? I told you to quit worrying!" any minute now. I pray I will be able to see him again in Heaven. I know there are no marriages in heaven, but surely we will get to see our beloved spouses again, don't you think?

--hide--


Hi, Kerry.

I'm very sorry for your loss and if it helps, not only do I believe we will see them in heaven, but they will be there to help us get our bearings. They do, after all, hold a piece of our hearts and we'd be hard pressed to not recognize our own hearts!

I was 48 when my husband died and my children were 10 and 11. There was no one close to me in the same situation. Grief groups were filled with 70 year old men (God bless them all!) and all my friends were happily married. I cried through every mass for a year. (I never realized how often death is mentioned in a Catholic service.) But you know, we have a loving God that keeps his promises and He does take care of us. Not only does He see our suffering and ache with us, but He will help us through it.

Keep a running list of things you need to do, repairs that have to be done. It will help when you feel overwhelmed and unable to think clearly. When people ask how they can help, refer to your list. Even the simplest things will allow God's angels to help you. Some things may take years and many tears to complete but each time you cross something off your list, it will be one small accomplishment for which you can be proud of. Strength comes in doing things we never dared or never thought we could.

Eat healthy and sleep when you can. It will take a long time for normalcy to return. Until then, know that all these lovely people here are praying for you.

Kathy

May 12th 2013 new

(Quote) Kathy-635104 said: Hi, Kerry. I'm very sorry for your loss and if it helps, not only do I believ...
(Quote) Kathy-635104 said:



Hi, Kerry.

I'm very sorry for your loss and if it helps, not only do I believe we will see them in heaven, but they will be there to help us get our bearings. They do, after all, hold a piece of our hearts and we'd be hard pressed to not recognize our own hearts!

I was 48 when my husband died and my children were 10 and 11. There was no one close to me in the same situation. Grief groups were filled with 70 year old men (God bless them all!) and all my friends were happily married. I cried through every mass for a year. (I never realized how often death is mentioned in a Catholic service.) But you know, we have a loving God that keeps his promises and He does take care of us. Not only does He see our suffering and ache with us, but He will help us through it.

Keep a running list of things you need to do, repairs that have to be done. It will help when you feel overwhelmed and unable to think clearly. When people ask how they can help, refer to your list. Even the simplest things will allow God's angels to help you. Some things may take years and many tears to complete but each time you cross something off your list, it will be one small accomplishment for which you can be proud of. Strength comes in doing things we never dared or never thought we could.

Eat healthy and sleep when you can. It will take a long time for normalcy to return. Until then, know that all these lovely people here are praying for you.

Kathy

--hide--


Thank you Kathy--that was very kind of you and I can totally understand your feelings of being alone in rooms full of elderly men (God bless them, as you said) and no one your age, and crying through every mass. I cried through today's mass too.

May 14th 2013 new

(Quote) Kerry-970208 said: I have been recently widowed, left with a 13 year old son and a hole in my heart the size of Alas...
(Quote) Kerry-970208 said:

I have been recently widowed, left with a 13 year old son and a hole in my heart the size of Alaska. My husband was my best friend on earth. He was so kind, gentle and funny, and we saw eye to eye on so much. I am in agony from losing him, to that rotton disease, cancer. I can't imagine it getting better somehow. I have never been alone in my entire life, never paid a bill, or taken care of the car, or anything like that. I'm just so scared and alone.

--hide--


Dear Kerry,


Welcome and God be with you to comfort you and guide you. It is not easy, but God is there with you at every moment and he will not let you undergo anything beyond you can. I too lost my beloved husband, my best friend, my all, 2 years ago. I was 51 and my daughters at that time were 9 and 11. He too died of cancer and I too felt a big loss and still do. I took over a year and still am sorting myself out. But I realise I am getting stronger each day. It does get better. The pain will always be there, but somehow we can manage. After all we were one and now we are torn apart - we are wounded. But in this woundedness something new will come, if we are open to God. God bless you - you are in my prayers. hug hug hug

May 15th 2013 new

Kerry, I am so sorry for your loss...... rosary rosary

Jun 1st 2013 new
I am just feeling so sad today. I hate weekends, especially saturdays. I miss him so much. I don't know what to do with myself.
Jun 1st 2013 new
Maybe you should try counseling or a group?
Jun 1st 2013 new
Marge is dead spot on. I am a young widow, also. It is very difficult. I joined CM for the widow/widower forums because I was living far away from the US (in Germany) and there weren't any grief support groups. When I finally did get to go to one when I got back to the US, I found that I had moved on past where the people were in the group.

I really only recently started dating (a little over two years out). I suck at it and I haven't found love/dates/etc online. In fact, I stay because I enjoy the forums and the opinions. I think I am wary of the whole online thing and then my story of how I became a widow becomes pretty overwhelming for most.

If you inbox me, I will share contact information and I will walk with you. We walk the same broken road in some ways.
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