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Devoted to discussion pertaining to those issues which are specifically relevant to people 45+. Topics must have a specific perspective of people in this age group for it to be on topic.

The story of Abraham and Sarah is told in chapters 11-25 of the book of Genesis.
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Don't fit in

May 6th 2013 new

I am new to CM and it's hard to know where I fit in. I am almost 49 (tomorrow), and newly widowed. I have 3 boys, the only one still at home is 13. I am broken hearted over my beloved spouse's death from cancer and I have never been alone in my life, paid bills, dealt with broken appliances or cars, etc. At church I feel like a fifth wheel--everyone I know seems to have a spouse and kids. I thought of myself as a catholic wife and mom--even had a blog--and now--I don't know what I am or where I fit in. I hate feeling this way.

May 6th 2013 new

(Quote) Kerry-970208 said: I am new to CM and it's hard to know where I fit in. I am almost 49 (tomorrow), and newly wid...
(Quote) Kerry-970208 said:

I am new to CM and it's hard to know where I fit in. I am almost 49 (tomorrow), and newly widowed. I have 3 boys, the only one still at home is 13. I am broken hearted over my beloved spouse's death from cancer and I have never been alone in my life, paid bills, dealt with broken appliances or cars, etc. At church I feel like a fifth wheel--everyone I know seems to have a spouse and kids. I thought of myself as a catholic wife and mom--even had a blog--and now--I don't know what I am or where I fit in. I hate feeling this way.

--hide--


Kerry,


I am very sorry for your loss and that you are having to experience life alone, without your spouse. You have come to the right place.


We are here to support you. Many of use have experienced the end of our marriage, either because of a death of a spouse or the because of the death of our marriage. We are here to console one another and walk together with Him who never leaves us.


Blessings to you.

May 6th 2013 new

Thank you very much.

May 7th 2013 new

Kerry,


Welcome to the forums and happy birthday to you. Many people here will empathize with your situation because we have been in the same situation especially if we have been widowed or divorced. Know you will find support here. Happy Birthday! theheart You get a Gold Star! hersheyskiss cookie

May 7th 2013 new

I am so sorry about your loss. I do wish you a happy birthday, and know that you are loved by God. I'm sure it is a bit overwhelming, but God will not give you any more than you can handle. Who you are is a strong woman that lives a spirit-filled life, and is pleasing in God's eyes. God will also lead you to where He wishes you to be - just be patient. Remember, we are all exactly where we are supposed to be in life, according to God's plan. You will survive all this, and become an even stronger person in the process. Have a blessed day on your birthday, and a blessed week ahead.

May 7th 2013 new

I think all of us who are widowed -- and probably many who are divorced -- have felt, or still feel, that way. hug

Part of the healing from loss is figuring out who you are, now that you are no longer part of "us".

IT TAKES TIME.

If your family is young, it takes even longer, because your healing is interrupted by the needs of the children. Be patient with yourself.

May 7th 2013 new

Happy Birthday Kerry! Happy Birthday! Praying heart rose lil mikie heartbeat party princess rose note

May 7th 2013 new

(Quote) Kerry-970208 said: I am new to CM and it's hard to know where I fit in. I am almost 49 (tomorrow), and newly wid...
(Quote) Kerry-970208 said:

I am new to CM and it's hard to know where I fit in. I am almost 49 (tomorrow), and newly widowed. I have 3 boys, the only one still at home is 13. I am broken hearted over my beloved spouse's death from cancer and I have never been alone in my life, paid bills, dealt with broken appliances or cars, etc. At church I feel like a fifth wheel--everyone I know seems to have a spouse and kids. I thought of myself as a catholic wife and mom--even had a blog--and now--I don't know what I am or where I fit in. I hate feeling this way.

--hide--

Dearest Kerry,

You have found your place in a way here. I lost my husband in a work related accident just over a year ago and I have been struggling with who and what am I now. I am sending you the biggest and warmest hugs I have. It isn't easy. The heartbreak is deep and devastating. The feeling of being adrift is as distressing as the loss. And, I had never lived alone either and if something happened to the car my guy was always there to take care of it, I did pay the bills though because Pete's idea was look how much money I kept in the bank account this month, we tried it a couple of times, just made me crazy lol. . .My friends all have their spouses and I feel like a fifth wheel as well, but it does get better, slowly it gets better and we get stronger. I remember a couple of months after Pete died I went to get in the car and had a flat tire, I just busted into tears. then I thought what to do. . .luckily my son-in-law was home and he took care of it right away, then he showed me where I have two different numbers I can call if it happens and no one is around, one through our insurance company and another through the road hazard insurance on the tires. . .

You are going to be okay, I promise. It absolutely bites the big one and I hate that you are having to go through this, as I hate that any of us have had to go through it, but I keep reminding myself, that God has another plan for me, He hasn't laid out what it is yet, but I have faith that there is. Try to hang onto that certainty as well, it does help a bit. But, nothing can tame the beast that is grief except time and prayer. And, slowly but surely we will climb out of it and into a new who and what. In the meantime, you have all of us here who have and are going through the same things. If it hadn't been for all the wonderful new friends I have met here, I would have had a much harder time getting through the one year anniversary, instead I felt wrapped in love and care by the kind words and prayers offered on my behalf here. I think you will find strength in that as well and more importantly some peace and comfort.

May 7th 2013 new

(Quote) Kerry-970208 said: I am new to CM and it's hard to know where I fit in. I am almost 49 (tomorrow), and newly wid...
(Quote) Kerry-970208 said:

I am new to CM and it's hard to know where I fit in. I am almost 49 (tomorrow), and newly widowed. I have 3 boys, the only one still at home is 13. I am broken hearted over my beloved spouse's death from cancer and I have never been alone in my life, paid bills, dealt with broken appliances or cars, etc. At church I feel like a fifth wheel--everyone I know seems to have a spouse and kids. I thought of myself as a catholic wife and mom--even had a blog--and now--I don't know what I am or where I fit in. I hate feeling this way.

--hide--
Something positive to begin with ---

First of all, welcome to CM. You'll find the forums to be a good source of support, information and sharing of wisdom and experience. You are not alone in your thoughts and feelings. Lots of good company here. I'm sure others will be supportive and make suggestions based upon what worked for them.

Secondly, a blessed and joyful birthday to you. Although you seem overwhelmed by everything that's happening, we hope you can take some time for yourself to enjoy your special day. May you be blessed with many more.

When you say "newly widowed", you didn't mention how recent this happened. You are considered young to be in a widowed state, young enough to still have a teen-age youngster at home. Single parenting itself is overwhelming and tiring -- let's face it, exhausting. But your son will grow and mature, and that will relieve you of some stress.

Where do you fit in? Just where you were. You are the same person, but your circumstances have changed. You are doing everything yourself now, and that can seem daunting. There is little doubt that you are working your way through the grieving process. This is probably your first experience with the loss of someone that close to you -- your "other half", so to speak.

If you find yourself completely lost and depressed, perhaps professional counseling from a Christian counselor would be beneficial. Many Churches, area hospitals and funeral homes offer support services or sponsor grief-support groups. They can be very helpful. It's easy to say you will be better as time passes, and it is true. Nevertheless, you still need to go through the grieving which is a process, not a one-time event. The process takes time. As you find yourself managing and coping better, you'll be able to look back at the progress you've made.

Essentially you are the same person, but during initial widowhood stages, you'll find that you are "re-inventing" yourself to adapt to your new way of life. It isn't one that you hoped or asked for, but it's what is there now. Try to keep in touch with your friends. Sometimes some of them (married couples in particular) that seem to disappear from your life. It's a phenonemon that is partially unexplainable and mostly complex. If you have family members nearby, ask for their help when you need it. Try to reserve some "me" time for yourself -- some time alone when you can meditate and breathe. Attend Mass at least weekly and receive the Eucharist often. These are sources of spiritual strength which can be tested under adverse conditions you are facing. Talking with your pastor or a spiritual director is beneficial for sure.

The best approach is the proverbial "one day at a time." It's the best way to help you focus on important matters of the day, and sort out what isn't productive.There will be some down days and that's perfectly normal and expected. Even down the road this will happen -- sometimes unexplainably. Don't hold back your emotions -- you will be angry at times, sad, also cheerful. You'll find increasing joy as you regain your footing.

Most importantly, believe that what you're feeling now is truly normal and unsettling -- yes, and scary. With determination (which will increase in time) you'll feel the improvement.

We don't get "over it" -- we get "through it". Or, as some people say: "We don't forget but we do go on." Sage advice from others who have "been there". hug

May 7th 2013 new

This is very helpful advice. I am very recently widowed and miss my spouse deeply and profoundly, as does our 13 year old son. I am not trying to hurry thru mourning--couldn't if I tried--just wanted to talk with other catholics, meet a few people and see how they get through being single in the middle of life.

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