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This room is for general discussion that doesn't specifically fit into one of the other CatholicMatch rooms. Topics should not be overly serious as this is to be more of a "cafe setting."

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May 09 new

(Quote) Lauren-927923 said: 12. I will put care for you above my own wants and try very hard to identify when you might need...
(Quote) Lauren-927923 said:

12. I will put care for you above my own wants and try very hard to identify when you might need something to make you feel loved and appreciated.

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Wow....just wow!

May 09 new
Didn't you get the memo? Admin don't like me to think! laughing
May 09 new

(Quote) Paul-302787 said:It seems that every other week or so, we get some new thread about "What women deserve" or "chivalry...
(Quote) Paul-302787 said:
It seems that every other week or so, we get some new thread about "What women deserve" or "chivalry" or similar topics. Notice that the focus on these topics is always the women....what the women can expect from the men. Now, I think is a fair time to put out the question:

Ladies, what can you offer the gentleman?

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I will offer you these thoughts, Paul...


I guess I feel that as a lady, I need to feel that my heart is safe heart to open up and really give back to the man that shows me he really means something by his chivalry. There is the "nice to have chivalry" like opening a door for a stranger (just plain old good manners) and then there is the consistent chivalry that shows true love through always caring like my post in another thread about my dad, who ALWAYS pulls the chair out for my mom, opens her door, and drops her off to go park the car (and extends this to his daughters too). And my guy friends who ALWAYS make sure that the single guys know they are keeping an eye out for me at the dance, who let me know when they go to the restroom that they'll be right back etc. You see, I think that a man's chivalry is a way that a lady begins to feel protected by a man. She begins to be able to open her heart and know that she can give to him and that her heart most likely will not be hurt because she has seen that she can count on him. hug



It's so easy for women to give too much. That's how most of us are naturally wired. We want to give. We want to have someone very special to give to. As you can see in many of the ladies thoughts here, our lists are VERY long. We desire to give to a man. We just want to know that our giving will be received with that real, loving chivalry that I described above.



As for me, once I know that a man really loves me, I just love doing things for him. One of the things I miss the most about dating someone is just taking him little surprises present at work - his favorite drink, his favorite sandwich, or just stopping by to give him a quick hug, hug kiss, hersheyskiss and smile biggrin . Just letting him know that he is so extra special!



All of us women have a lot to give. We're just waiting to see who wants it the most! wink

May 09 new

(Quote) Clair-6292 said: Didn't you get the memo? Admin don't like me to think!
(Quote) Clair-6292 said: Didn't you get the memo? Admin don't like me to think!
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I think it's provoking they don't like... wink

May 09 new
Paul, this is a valid issue to bring up and something to think about.

When we are young, we may not think that having a dependable companion and family to care for us is important, but this is wrong! We do need to have caring persons surrounding us; someone to love us, help us, relate to us, and communicate with us. Without this, we become an island.

Previously when a question like this was raised, I think that I focused on material things, but a person shouldn't be considered only on that basis. So instead, these are the qualitative attributes that I think that I could offer:

- sincerity

- dependability

- problem solving

- resourcefulness

- caring companionship

- trustworthiness

- kindness

- faithfulness

- happiness
May 09 new
(Quote) Jerry-74383 said: I think it's provoking they don't like...
(Quote) Jerry-74383 said:



I think it's provoking they don't like...



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Mom gets scared when I think. Someone or more do.
May 14 new

(Quote) Paul-302787 said: This is something related to what I posted in the men's room, but I think now is a fair time to bring...
(Quote) Paul-302787 said: This is something related to what I posted in the men's room, but I think now is a fair time to bring it out for discussion to both genders.

It seems that every other week or so, we get some new thread about "What women deserve" or "chivalry" or similar topics. Notice that the focus on these topics is always the women....what the women can expect from the men. Now, I think is a fair time to put out the question:

Ladies, what can you offer the gentleman?

Notice, I did not say, "what can you do that would encourage the guys to be nice to you more " or "what can you do to show appreciation for what the guy did for you". No, what can you do out of genuine love? Let's not turn this into another "thank the guys for holding doors", yada, yada, thing.

What type of man do you seek? And are you worthy of such a man?

I do not mind holding doors for women (or men or children). But to base your decision to date someone based on these things sounds to me a little.....selfish?
--hide--


Well, I can promise unyielding devotion. It means no airing our problems to the family or using it as ammo to lambast him in front of his friends. It means respecting his position and his role at his job, whatever that may be. It means walking beside him without talking because it's nice just being together. It means bringing that glass of ice water when he's mowing in the heat of the day, or handing him tools because he's fixing something just far enough out of reach. It means not freaking out over problems or inconveniences and working with him to find a solution. It means putting off getting a new blender because he wants to treat his family to a hockey game. It means hearing whatever diagnosis comes his way and still seeing him as the strong, wonderful man I fell in love with. It means respecting his freedom to set rules in our house and not arguing them in front of the kids, but talking alone and gaining more understanding. It means baking his favorite cookies even when they aren't in the plans. It means going with him to spend time with his parents because he is their source of joy, even when there is work to be done or he would be fine on his own. It means ignoring the honey-do list because he's had a long week and could really use some down time. It means dressing up for him because he is worth the extra effort. It means knowing when to take a joke and finding ways to laugh often and together. It means not giving him any reason to not trust me. It means praying for him and with him. It means telling him my dreams and hopes and fears. It means letting him grumble about having to go to an art gallery, without dampening my joy. It means hemming his jeans because they don't carry his length. It means leaving little notes in his lunches to let him know how much I care. It means not having a headache when he is feeling amorous. It means making sandwiches for his friends because he thinks mine are the best. It means letting him know how special he is for wanting to fix a problem I just needed to vent about. It means supporting his desire to start our own traditions, even if it means hanging a pickle in the Christmas tree. It means giving him space to find his own answers and listening when he's ready to talk. It means forgetting what the argument was about yesterday. It means loving him, for better and for worse, forever and for always.

May 14 new

It's an interesting question, and having been raised in this post-feminist world, I'll be the first to admit I was pretty clueless about the deep, valid, God-given need men have to be respected. I cringe to remember times I have unwittingly disprespected a man because of the lack of knowledge of gender differences.

The movement did confuse things, and being a LADY is important, as other posters have said. Also, a lot of it is about feeling safe - we ARE wired to give. We have to be careful how we use that ability or it will destroy us. That was an excellent point.


But let's take it a step further-- a couple of scripture verses came to mind, namely 1 Corinthians 7:39-40 -a widow will be happier if she stays as she is and does not remarry - and the creation story (it is not good for man to be alone). And, 1 Corinthians 11:9 states that men were not created for women, but women for men. In sum, we're not here to "deserve you." That said, I do not in any way subscribe to the princess/prize immature brat phenomenon that is sweeping the nation. It's abhorrent, and no man should accept such immaturity. But I think overall, its a backlash to our having forgotton our femininty for so long. I cringe to remember times I have unwittingly disprespected a man because of the lack of knowledge of gender differences.


I work with a geriatric popluation...it is ALWAYS the men who are trying to persue relationships! The little old ladies could really care less. :)

These are just some observations. I mostly agree with other posters who have said team work, and - hot dang! - that list was spot-on!

May 14 new

I forgot to mention Proverbs 31 woman - I always felt guilty for not being that awesome until my aunt told me it was actually written by a woman, to her son, advising him what kind of woman to look for in marriage. I've never bothered to fact-check that though.

May 14 new

(Quote) Lauren-927923 said: Paul, This is a wonderful topic and should be addressed as well. Speaking for me...
(Quote) Lauren-927923 said:

Paul,

This is a wonderful topic and should be addressed as well. Speaking for me - and I know many of these are as if in a relationship, but that's what I know, and ultimately the part everyone hopes to experience. I think as well, that it describes the type of man I'd like to have, someone who works hard for his family, someone who can play, someone who is present to me and sees me when the world does not, someone who is kind and engaged with the world, someone who cherishes me for me, not just because I am a female and its the gentlemanly thing to do.

Am I deserving of this type of man? When I was younger I wouldn't have known how to answer this. I would have said, I hope so, or probably not, I'm not too special. But, I'm older now and I know who I am and what I have to offer and I know how to love. So yes, I am deserving of a man who loves me and shows that in his actions as well as his words. I have a fine mind, a strong heart, a good will and a definite passion for the welfare of others and a deep faith that guides my thoughts and actions towards others. So what can I promise to bring to the table:

1. You can expect that I appreciate your hard work and respect it without complaining, as I know you work hard for your family. If I think you're lines are blurring, you should expect that I would come to you and say, either that I really need you to be with me for this or that can you arrange your work around that, or that I think you are a little out of balance here and we really need you to be present to us a bit more.

2. That I will always try to be kind in my words and actions.

3. That I will touch you a lot, not mauling you, but I will let my fingers run across your shoulders when I pass you going to another room. I will hug you or curl into you when you're standing in the kitchen or hallway. I'll snuggle against you on the sofa and hold your hand in the car.

4. I will always greet and part from you with a hug and kiss and a smile.

5. I will see you, the part the world overlooks and other people don't bother to notice and I will guard that you protectively and cherish that you, engage with that you, nurture and nourish that you to the best of my abilities.

6. I will listen to you talk about your work for hours on end, because I know it is part of your identity and a large part of your world.

7. I will cook for you and make dishes I know you enjoy. Even better I will cook with you and try new things.

8. I will be warm and welcoming, maybe even meet you at the driveway when you come home from work.

9. I will try very hard not to chase you if you are headed to your mancave for some private time with your thoughs.

10. I will never go through your wallet or personal things without permission or without a grave and serious need.

11. I will pray for you daily.

12. I will put care for you above my own wants and try very hard to identify when you might need something to make you feel loved and appreciated.

13. I will laugh with you.

14. I will tease you.

15. I will banter with you.

16. I don't care what way the roll of toilet paper goes on, but I would appreciate that seat put down at least during the night.

17. I'll help or at least keep you company during a project.

18. I will write you notes or letters, sometimes to let you know something bothered me but most often to let you know I love you.

19. I will try to make our home a place of sanctuary.

20. I will try to be home for you, so that in my presence you feel both peace and love.

21. I will let you know when you have done something I think is hurtful or wrong but do so without disaparaging comments.

22. I will encourage you in your faith journey and the practice of our shared faith as I hope you would do the same for me.

23. I will hurt when you hurt.

24. I will hold you tight when you lose someone you love and love you through the grief process.

25. I will try to be appreciative of the small things as well as the large things.

26. I will listen to your stories from your past, your hopes, your fears, your dreams and nightmares without judgment.

27. I will play with you -- cards, puttputt golf, water fights in the summer and snowball fights in the winter. And, yes I will probably talk a little smack ;-).

28. If I have offended you or hurt you in some way, I will ask your forgiveness and endeavor not to do so again.

29. Somedays I might talk your ear off.

30. Somedays I will just be there with you :-)

Is that sort of what you had in mind, Paul?

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