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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

May 13th 2013 new

Hello Daniel - friendship is a strong foundation in an enduring relationship. What you said about chemistry is great too - more often than not, so many base their decisions on this. Same with romance. I'm not saying that chemistry and romance has no place in an enduring, self-giving, self-sacrificing reletionship but those two sadly are given such "high priority" rather than really discerning what it a lasting relationship is made of.

I think God wanted me to read this thread too scratchchin. Thank you Jesus. Praying

May 13th 2013 new

(Quote) Reena-961146 said: Hello Daniel - friendship is a strong foundation in an enduring relationship. What you said about...
(Quote) Reena-961146 said:

Hello Daniel - friendship is a strong foundation in an enduring relationship. What you said about chemistry is great too - more often than not, so many base their decisions on this. Same with romance. I'm not saying that chemistry and romance has no place in an enduring, self-giving, self-sacrificing reletionship but those two sadly are given such "high priority" rather than really discerning what it a lasting relationship is made of.

I think God wanted me to read this thread too . Thank you Jesus.

--hide--
there is some thing about "body chemistry" I do not ever go again with someone that I do not have the "sense" of a person I desire

May 13th 2013 new

Daniel, it's imperative to build the bond of friendship as it is the foundation of marriage. It can get be more difficult the 2nd time around not to write prospective friends-who-may-become-more off due to what all they bring with them in life. Hopefully that is not the case for you at 26 but it may be as well. Good luck to you-

May 13th 2013 new

I think friendship is a great basis for a relationship and I can't think of being with someone whom I don't see as a friend too, because it's all about trust and a real friendship is based on trust. On the other hand, sometimes we wait too long, thinking we want to be sure that a proper trusting relationship can be developed, and by the time we ask, the friend has already found someone else! We may not know when is the 'right' time to ask, but if we don't, we'll never know. Yes, we might get burned, or like Daniel experienced, the friend stops talking to you, but if it's a true friendship it should outlast this awkwardness.

May 13th 2013 new

I find this topic really interesting because I was actually just reading about this type of situation in 'Christian Courtship in an Oversexed World: A Guide for Catholics' by Father Thomas G. Morrow. He recommends that Catholics 'Friendship Date' (no spoken expression of romantic interest and nothing more than chaste hugging) before moving onto courtship. The recommendation was to friendship date for 1 to 3 months, then decide whether you want to continue onto a courtship or if you let eachother go to pursue other relationships. His opinion is that after 3 months, you pretty much know whether you want to enter into an exclusive relationship with a person or not. However, if you do want to friendship date for longer than 3 months, as long as both parties in the relationship are in agreement, than there's nothing wrong with that. You just have to communicate with eachother in order to make sure you're both on the same track in your relationship. He writes quite a bit about the importantance of cultivating a friendship because after those first 2 years when the rush of romanitc love starts to fade, friendship is what keeps a relationship/marriage going.

May 13th 2013 new
Grace, that seems sensible and logical.
May 13th 2013 new

(Quote) Daniel-726519 said: An important thing to me in a relationship is that it grows out of a friendship. And I don't say th...
(Quote) Daniel-726519 said: An important thing to me in a relationship is that it grows out of a friendship. And I don't say this as something to attract women who say they dream their husband will be their best friend, I really mean it. I feel that knowing a woman for something like 6 months is essential to actually be starting a relationship on something other than physical attraction. Not an ideal approach to combine with website dating to say the least it seems. I've met a few people online and despite them saying they agreed with this, they either weren't willing to continue the friendship when they determined immediate dating attraction wasn't there, or they ended the friendship when it didn't progress to me asking them out before another guy asked them out. And unfortunately, all of my female friends who I find to be compatible with me don't agree.

So here are the questions:

Am I foolish to believe this could work and seek it?
Is this still a good pursuit, but maybe just not for a dating site?
--hide--

scratchchin graduate

Answer number one: You are not foolish and it could work. I think the lady needs to understand this is how you feel pretty early on.

Answer number two: I have no clue. irked It seems to me that "dating site" mentality throws all norms out the perverbial Windows (or the Leapord, or the Fedora, etc. laughing )

Observation numero uno: uh, your female freinds don't seem that compatible. Or perhaps they like you "like that" and since you don't they feel it is less painful to just end things. I fell in love once with a good friend...and we remained friends and it slowly fizzled into nothing...and after that I prayed to God that I would never fall in love again with anyone except the one who ought to be my husband. It was an extremely painful experience sad that I only got through with lots of prayer and sleepless nights spent in Adoration. Just remember that the female pysche is quite different from yours and she may feel the need to pull away completely if she's already made an emotional attatchment to you. Lots of us don't have tons of guy friends because we are unable to connect on an "intimate friend" level without desiring more.

Courage, sir, you are I think on the right track. thumbsup

May 13th 2013 new

(Quote) Grace-250449 said: I find this topic really interesting because I was actually just reading about this type of situa...
(Quote) Grace-250449 said:

I find this topic really interesting because I was actually just reading about this type of situation in 'Christian Courtship in an Oversexed World: A Guide for Catholics' by Father Thomas G. Morrow. He recommends that Catholics 'Friendship Date' (no spoken expression of romantic interest and nothing more than chaste hugging) before moving onto courtship. The recommendation was to friendship date for 1 to 3 months, then decide whether you want to continue onto a courtship or if you let eachother go to pursue other relationships. His opinion is that after 3 months, you pretty much know whether you want to enter into an exclusive relationship with a person or not. However, if you do want to friendship date for longer than 3 months, as long as both parties in the relationship are in agreement, than there's nothing wrong with that. You just have to communicate with eachother in order to make sure you're both on the same track in your relationship. He writes quite a bit about the importantance of cultivating a friendship because after those first 2 years when the rush of romanitc love starts to fade, friendship is what keeps a relationship/marriage going.

--hide--

Welcome to the forums, Grace!

I love what you say here, Grace! I totally 100% agree...it would certainly take alot of the awkwardness out of dating if more folks did this!!!

May 13th 2013 new

You have to be friends first in order to build a relationship. After that, the relationship will gradually move from friendship into something more serious. You just have to be patient.

May 14th 2013 new
(quote) Grace-250449 said: I find this topic really interesting because I was actually just reading about this type of situation in 'Christian Courtship in an Oversexed World: A Guide for Catholics' by Father Thomas G. Morrow. He recommends that Catholics 'Friendship Date' (no spoken expression of romantic interest and nothing more than chaste hugging) before moving onto courtship. The recommendation was to friendship date for 1 to 3 months, then decide whether you want to continue onto a courtship or if you let eachother go to pursue other relationships. His opinion is that after 3 months, you pretty much know whether you want to enter into an exclusive relationship with a person or not. However, if you do want to friendship date for longer than 3 months, as long as both parties in the relationship are in agreement, than there's nothing wrong with that. You just have to communicate with eachother in order to make sure you're both on the same track in your relationship. He writes quite a bit about the importantance of cultivating a friendship because after those first 2 years when the rush of romanitc love starts to fade, friendship is what keeps a relationship/marriage going.
I too would like to say welcome to the forum.

I think I'm going to have to look up this book, it sounds like a good way of rethinking my approach without compromising the principle.

Is this the sort of thing that fully makes sense when only one person has read the book? I read a book called I kissed dating goodbye in college, which talked a lot about courtship over modern dating, but unless both people had read the book, it was difficult to explain all the concepts to the one who hadn't, without just handing over the book.
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