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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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May 14th 2013 new

(Quote) Daniel-726519 said:Is this the sort of thing that fully makes sense when only one person has read the book? I read ...
(Quote) Daniel-726519 said:

Is this the sort of thing that fully makes sense when only one person has read the book? I read a book called I kissed dating goodbye in college, which talked a lot about courtship over modern dating, but unless both people had read the book, it was difficult to explain all the concepts to the one who hadn't, without just handing over the book.
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While I think it would definitely be easier if both people read the book, I don't think it's necessary. The author writes about how to approach and talk to the person your interested in friendship dating. He's really good at explaining how to meet the right kind of people, enter into friendship dating, and move onto courtship. I haven't finished the whole book yet - I only started it 2 days ago - but the last couple chapters are about Catholic marriage and engagement, so he goes into the whole process of a chaste relationship. I definitely recommend this book.

May 14th 2013 new
Starting from friendship has never worked for me because I always get stuck in the "just a friend" category. The women I come across don't seem willing to see me as anything else.
May 14th 2013 new

(Quote) Daniel-726519 said: Well I say 6 months as what I find to be the general amount of time, given the average person's sch...
(Quote) Daniel-726519 said: Well I say 6 months as what I find to be the general amount of time, given the average person's schedule, that it takes for me to really feel like I know a person. I agree chemistry can happen a lot faster, but I just recently did my first musical and in about a month I had chemistry with several women on that cast, doesn't mean I know them all that well and I know enough about a lot of them to know a relationship wouldn't possibly end in marriage. Chemistry doesn't seem like a reliable thing on which to base feelings or relationships. Yeah it's important, but it's not the only thing and it really feels like a lot of people regard it way too highly.

I recently had the opportunity to rush in with a good friend with whom I had great chemistry, but more she than I needed to take our time. She realized it some of the time, but wanted to rush in and follow the chemistry. When I delayed, she developed chemistry with someone else. She said she really cared about me, but chemistry was the motivating factor as she is already serious about another guy, because he would kiss her and I wouldn't. Chemistry and emotions don't seem very reliable to me and seems like it could cloud rational thought.

And I saw another thread talking about something a little similar. It's a real shame that people view so many things as strict rules rather than sound advice. It's easier to follow sage advice rather than be handcuffed by strict rules. Being a good Catholic and having respect for the other person held in higher regard than your desire for gratification should be all you need to have a successful, holy relationship.

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Romantic/passionate kissing is a very dangerous thing as it can blind our intellect/reason from making the "right" choice(s). I'm sorry that this woman seems to have been influenced by the emotions that that type of behavior/actions can elicit. Keep searching for what you have stated as it is the proper and right path and you will be rewarded in His time for following it. Praying

May 14th 2013 new
I asked my friend out, and she said she didn't think we were "compatible." But she never would tell me what the issue was. She has emotional issues with her past.

It drove me nuts because everyone who ever saw us together said we should be more over a 5-year period. She doesn't make sense because she likes flirting with me. I'm done trying to figure her out.
May 14th 2013 new

I'm always worried about getting "friendzoned". It's happened before, and I hate that feeling!

How do you approach this friend making situation with a new girl? Is she aware that there is a six month waiting period before you'll date her?


Or is this one of those situations where "date" means different things to me and you? Like, does dating mean a "boyfriend-girlfriend" relationship or start discerning if we are going to be in a relationship? The former would be a lot easier for me to wait six months for...it's actually quite reasonable. If it's the latter though, it would be a bigger struggle, but I always suck at seeing the big picture :)

May 14th 2013 new

Daniel, I think your approach is wise, and not foolish. I too believe that true love is friendship caught afire, so you’re preaching the choir, in a manner of speaking. However, finding one’s other half is just really, really hard. So, don’t give up.

Communication is always very important in any relationship – if you would like to start off as friends with the intention of possibly having the relationship turn into something romantic, communicate that early on. Don’t just assume that a young lady will have the same idea as you about where the relationship is going or not going, and don’t allow for misunderstanding to derail something that has the potential to turn into something wondrous and beautiful.

Taking too long in coming to the turning point may also result in disappointment. Usually it doesn't take very long to establish a friendship with someone - you either enjoy each other's company or you don't, and you either get along very well or you don't. I don't hold hands with my friends, but I would hold hands with a boyfriend. There is nothing unchaste about holding hands. Moving from friendship to courtship might be nerve-wracking, but it shouldn't be delayed indefinitely.

May 14th 2013 new
(quote) Stephanie-811058 said: I'm always worried about getting "friendzoned". It's happened before, and I hate that feeling! How do you approach this friend making situation with a new girl? Is she aware that there is a six month waiting period before you'll date her?
Or is this one of those situations where "date" means different things to me and you? Like, does dating mean a "boyfriend-girlfriend" relationship or start discerning if we are going to be in a relationship? The former would be a lot easier for me to wait six months for...it's actually quite reasonable. If it's the latter though, it would be a bigger struggle, but I always suck at seeing the big picture :)
I have never really thought of a woman getting friend zoned before. I hate the feeling too, and don't wish it on anyone.

Like I said in another post, 6 months is just an estimate and is by no means a strict number or rule. But it is more likely closer to the former the way I'm envisioning it I would think. The goal is honestly know the person rather than base the desire to proceed almost exclusively on initial physical attraction. There isn't a check list, but she would have to meet my best friends before true courtship and hang out with me in groups several times before boyfriend girlfriend happened.

As far as the making them aware of my interest and the speed I want to go, it's hard to say. I have had two women in the past year where they made it to the aware and it was at drastically different points. One I made my interest known about a month or so in, but didn't express a time frame. A few weeks later I realized her faith, morals and views in dating were much farther off from mine than she had said and she stopped talking to me. Through weird events we ended up being friends again while performing in a play and I found out she had been seeing another guy at the same time as me and picked him. She also views us as having "dated" which I don't. With the other, I had been friends with her for 2 years but she had always had a boyfriend. Intentions were voiced even quicker once the attraction was realized because of the long standing friendship, but the rest of that story has already been mentioned. Ultimately at least for some time I try to approach them as if dating isn't even crossing my mind, because I've seen it influence the path taken. I'm really still figuring this all out and discussing it here for pretty much that reason.

May 14th 2013 new
(quote) Angela-374523 said: Daniel, I think your approach is wise, and not foolish. I too believe that true love is friendship caught afire, so youre preaching the choir, in a manner of speaking. However, finding ones other half is just really, really hard. So, dont give up. Communication is always very important in any relationship if you would like to start off as friends with the intention of possibly having the relationship turn into something romantic, communicate that early on. Dont just assume that a young lady will have the same idea as you about where the relationship is going or not going, and dont allow for misunderstanding to derail something that has the potential to turn into something wondrous and beautiful.

Taking too long in coming to the turning point may also result in disappointment. Usually it doesn't take very long to establish a friendship with someone - you either enjoy each other's company or you don't, and you either get along very well or you don't. I don't hold hands with my friends, but I would hold hands with a boyfriend. There is nothing unchaste about holding hands. Moving from friendship to courtship might be nerve-wracking, but it shouldn't be delayed indefinitely.
In some ways the statement "communication is important" seems like the biggest no brainer and shouldn't have to be said. However ever time it is said, I always find new insight or new twist on an old thought from why it had to be said. So thank you for the reminder. (As I'm typing that, I realizing the intonation could seem like it goes either way, so please know there is the utmost sincerity there). If communicating the ideas of a friendship leading chaste courtship scare them off, they weren't right anyway, so why wait too long?

I will admit a handful of bad experiences in life cause me to delay a little more under the idea if its right, the opportunity will still be there, but some friends remind me, though patience is a virtue, to not be afraid to step forward before all concerns have been answered.
May 15th 2013 new
Why do women sometimes flirt with their male friends with whom they have no intentions toward?
May 15th 2013 new

(Quote) John-220051 said: Why do women sometimes flirt with their male friends with whom they have no intentions toward?
(Quote) John-220051 said: Why do women sometimes flirt with their male friends with whom they have no intentions toward?
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Flirting as in friendly bantering sort of play or flirting as in the come hither sort of flirting? I think it is possible for men and women as well to confuse good natured playfulness for flirting as in an indication of wanting to get to know a person better. So perhaps if you can define or describe the flirtatious behavior it would be easier to give an adequate answer as to the why of it.

I used to have to warn Pete sometimes. He was always aghast and said I am not flirting I am being friendly. I would say I don't think they are taking it that way. He finally believed me, when we were leaving a restaurant and the waitress slipped her phone number onto the receipt. He was mortified and I just did the I told you so thing.

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