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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

May 15th 2013 new

(Quote) Stephanie-811058 said: I'm always worried about getting "friendzoned". It's happened before, and I...
(Quote) Stephanie-811058 said:

I'm always worried about getting "friendzoned". It's happened before, and I hate that feeling!

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I think it all depends on the people. Almost 10 years ago I met a woman online and it started with a "date", there was immediate chemistry (she got my sense of humour, she was silly, she was Catholic, she was SMART, and cute). As I got to know her better I realized that my glasses needed cleaning on our first date because she was more then just "cute", but I digress). Anyway, we dated for 2 years, but really this was our oppertunity to develop a close friendship, and ensure that there was a chemistry / friendship that would be enough to sustain a marriage. If I would have wanted to call this a "friendship" vs dating and having some level of commitment to her she would have likely left me, or friendzoned me.


The reality is I remember being cautiously optomistic about our first date, she seemed like a nice girl I was certainly interested to see if our online conversations could translate into something in person. I had SO much fun on our first date, I remember being so nervous about our second because I kept hoping that our first date wasn't a "one hit wonder".


After 2 years of dating, I asked her to marry me. We had 5 incredibly difficult, but incredibly wonderful years together until she was called home to God.


When you find a woman you can give a pack of klenix too as a birthday gift (before you get married) with a note that says "In case you feel the urge to cry because of your old age" you know you have someone worth doing anything for!!

May 15th 2013 new

(Quote) John-220051 said: Starting from friendship has never worked for me because I always get stuck in the "just a friend&qu...
(Quote) John-220051 said: Starting from friendship has never worked for me because I always get stuck in the "just a friend" category. The women I come across don't seem willing to see me as anything else.
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I agree. I think it can be very difficult to move out of the friendship in part because of not wanting to damage the friendship, or things just get comfortable and people get nervous to change.


I completly agree that friendship is fundamental in marriage, and I married my best friend, but we started out with a date, and as we continued to see each other the friendship grew.

May 15th 2013 new

(Quote) John-220051 said: Why do women sometimes flirt with their male friends with whom they have no intentions toward?
(Quote) John-220051 said: Why do women sometimes flirt with their male friends with whom they have no intentions toward?
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Men can be equally as guilty flirting with females. I have a couple of female friends that I flirt with, in a friendly way, but we both clearly understand and appreciate that neither of us is interested in a relationship. I used to flirt with my friends with my wife by side, and she also understood it was just our way of being friendly, and she knew that I had eyes only for her! Others may have mistaken our flirtatious ways as being more then just friendly banter but I've never really cared what other people think about stuff that is of no concern to them.

May 15th 2013 new

(Quote) Peter-793888 said: ........ I have a couple of female friends that I flirt with, in a friendly way, but we ...
(Quote) Peter-793888 said:

........ I have a couple of female friends that I flirt with, in a friendly way, but we both clearly understand and appreciate that neither of us is interested in a relationship. I used to flirt with my friends with my wife by side, and she also understood it was just our way of being friendly, and she knew that I had eyes only for her! Others may have mistaken our flirtatious ways as being more then just friendly banter but I've never really cared what other people think about stuff that is of no concern to them.

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Aww Peter, what a lovely woman you married! The confidence she had in your relationship is wonderful - you left her no room to doubt what you felt for her, and other women enjoyed their special 'fun & flirty' friendships with you as well. I LOVE your kleenex gift faint - what a die-hard romantic! rose You spent time together (confirming 'chemistry') and getting to know each other over those 2 years, then had 5 wonderful years married to your best friend. lovestruck! I'm so sorry for your loss, yet glad that you have many happy memories of your time together. hug

It's healthy to enjoy close male AND female friendships - I have many. And as you stated in another post - no reason to care what other people think. If you are actually 'dating' (or married to) someone, and THEY understand that you enjoy other friendships as special yet NOT romantic - that's what matters. I'm surrounded by people that enjoy those same kinds of friendships, as do I, so IMO it isn't all that rare.

Our Indy group is blessed in how we've formed many close friendships. hug. We can come to each other for support, input, venting, the male vs female perspective, just to hang out, etc. I understand some people do not feel they can be 'friends' with members of the opposite sex - and I respect their stance (we each have to do what we feel is best for us.) However, I believe they are missing the opportunity to have some truly special loving and supportive people in their lives.

And now - on with my usual shameless promoting laughing wave - our Indy group is getting together for a few fun events this spring / summer, and we have our 5th Annual Camp Out at the farm on the first weekend in October. Keep watching threads in the Meet Ups room, and look for event pages for details. Come and meet us - as one of our first-time attendees said recently -

you may come in the door a stranger, but you'll leave a friend!

May 15th 2013 new

(Quote) Mary-363093 said: Aww Peter, what a lovely woman you married! The confidence she had in your relationship i...
(Quote) Mary-363093 said:

Aww Peter, what a lovely woman you married! The confidence she had in your relationship is wonderful - you left her no room to doubt what you felt for her, and other women enjoyed their special 'fun & flirty' friendships with you as well. I LOVE your kleenex gift - what a die-hard romantic! You spent time together (confirming 'chemistry') and getting to know each other over those 2 years, then had 5 wonderful years married to your best friend. I'm so sorry for your loss, yet glad that you have many happy memories of your time together.

It's healthy to enjoy close male AND female friendships - I have many. And as you stated in another post - no reason to care what other people think. If you are actually 'dating' (or married to) someone, and THEY understand that you enjoy other friendships as special yet NOT romantic - that's what matters. I'm surrounded by people that enjoy those same kinds of friendships, as do I, so IMO it isn't all that rare.

Our Indy group is blessed in how we've formed many close friendships. . We can come to each other for support, input, venting, the male vs female perspective, just to hang out, etc. I understand some people do not feel they can be 'friends' with members of the opposite sex - and I respect their stance (we each have to do what we feel is best for us.) However, I believe they are missing the opportunity to have some truly special loving and supportive people in their lives.

And now - on with my usual shameless promoting - our Indy group is getting together for a few fun events this spring / summer, and we have our 5th Annual Camp Out at the farm on the first weekend in October. Keep watching threads in the Meet Ups room, and look for event pages for details. Come and meet us - as one of our first-time attendees said recently -

you may come in the door a stranger, but you'll leave a friend!

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Mary, I wish I had known about your group when I still lived in Indpls.! I'm trying to get the word out to my friends back there the best I can.

May 15th 2013 new

(Quote) Mary-363093 said:I LOVE your kleenex gift - what a die-hard romantic!
(Quote) Mary-363093 said:
I LOVE your kleenex gift - what a die-hard romantic!
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I should probably add that there were other gifts, but the klenix was the first one she choose to open. She kept them with the note and never used them. I was told it was because if she ever wanted to leave me she'd have justification; but, reality is it proved to her that I got her sense of humour.

May 15th 2013 new

(Quote) Carol-737878 said: Mary, I wish I had known about your group when I still lived in Indpls.! I'm try...
(Quote) Carol-737878 said:


Mary, I wish I had known about your group when I still lived in Indpls.! I'm trying to get the word out to my friends back there the best I can.

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Carol - me too! You would have enjoyed our gatherings. We try to post threads about our get togethers - keep an eye out and if you ever get back to Indy - we'd love to meet you!

May 15th 2013 new

(Quote) Daniel-726519 said: I will admit a handful of bad experiences in life cause me to delay a little more under the idea if...
(Quote) Daniel-726519 said:
I will admit a handful of bad experiences in life cause me to delay a little more under the idea if its right, the opportunity will still be there, but some friends remind me, though patience is a virtue, to not be afraid to step forward before all concerns have been answered.
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Daniel,


I would agree with your friends here, typically friends first dating does not work out. It sounds great in theory, but is a train weark in practice. I've known guys who invested months sometimes years with a "friend" only to have it go no where and I don't know one single success story. I think there are a few reasons for this, but basically it makes things much more complicated and unclear. Sure there are relationships that develop out of friendships, but those tend to be natural friendships where one or both parties realize later there was potencial for much more.


Also, romance and friendship are not mutually exclusive, they go together and be can develop at the sometime, in fact, it's by far the best way to go about it.

May 16th 2013 new

Yes you are right. Sometimes you "click" with a person from the first and sometimes it takes time to develop feelings. You seem like a very smart young man. Keep trying. Besides what's wrong if you remain friends. One can never have too many friends.

May 16th 2013 new

(Quote) Daniel-726519 said: Also board games ... because if you fought or got frustrated while in competition with each oth...
(Quote) Daniel-726519 said:

Also board games ... because if you fought or got frustrated while in competition with each other, it wouldn't work out long term.
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TOO FUNNY - My ex and I played one - yes, ONE - game of chess while we were dating. It was so competitive and frustrating that we never played again. We were married 13 years and perhaps never played another board game. Should have taken the hint..... laughing

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