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This room is for those who have lost a spouse and need support or who can provide support to those who have.

Saint Paula is the patron saint of widows and Saint Stephen is the patron saint of deacons
Learn More: Saint Stephen and Saint Paula

May 21st 2013 new
hug

I can relate to that. My only regrets regarding my marriage are the opportunities to be kind that I let slip past me.
May 21st 2013 new
Cannot corroborate this loudly enough!
In 18 years, we took exactly one long weekend away from the kids. Should have done it much, much more.
May 21st 2013 new
although I had to.....work less....sad
May 21st 2013 new
Working less is a good one. Loving more, traveling more would be a good start.
May 21st 2013 new
I have given some thought to this. The person that I find, and that finds me, has to be Catholic. My ex-wife was not and she did not practice in any way.

My ex and I were partners in business. We both worked together and were together almost always. It worked for almost twenty years. But, after her father's death, we were faced with increased demands on our time with the family business as well. This did not leave much time for "us". We drifted. I was aware and tried to engage her in meaningful conversation but obviously that failed.

What would I do differently?

As I said, my next friend and partner has to be Catholic. This immediately creates common ground on a big area of our lives.

Time. Time for "us". No if's, and's, but's or Or's. Time together. Weekend breakations, vacations, evenings. I want to be able to curl up with her and talk. If she doesn't want to, then I will. :) :)

I set myself aside for my ex and her family. I have to find someone that agrees that our marriage is our own and our life in our small family unit whether that includes children or not, is ours. No one can interfere with that.

Next, our church and our marriage is first and foremost. Our family is vital. No sacrifices there either.

I was so supportive of her in achieving positive results on the health front. Specifically, weight. Years of hard work on both our parts only to have her ultimately decide she wanted to take the new car out for a spin. Not again. I just can't do it. That's the basis for some of my comments in my profile.

I will not sweat the small stuff. Life is too short and I intend to make the most of what I have left.

I have re-learned my faith, I pray every day, I talk with God every day. It's pretty neat and I want to share that with someone.
May 21st 2013 new
There are many things I would differently. The one I would like to post is that I wish I had lived more in the present and been more 'there" (fully present) instead of trying to be so responsible and high achieving.
May 22nd 2013 new
Wow, this is an interesting question. Definitely more couple time, not just snatched moments here and there. Someone who can read my work and get it. And, will ask me about my work and will include it in discussions of their work or interests. Someone who is comfortable moving in any social environment.
May 25th 2013 new
(quote) John-973410 said: I have given some thought to this. The person that I find, and that finds me, has to be Catholic. My ex-wife was not and she did not practice in any way.

My ex and I were partners in business. We both worked together and were together almost always. It worked for almost twenty years. But, after her father's death, we were faced with increased demands on our time with the family business as well. This did not leave much time for "us". We drifted. I was aware and tried to engage her in meaningful conversation but obviously that failed.

What would I do differently?

As I said, my next friend and partner has to be Catholic. This immediately creates common ground on a big area of our lives.

Time. Time for "us". No if's, and's, but's or Or's. Time together. Weekend breakations, vacations, evenings. I want to be able to curl up with her and talk. If she doesn't want to, then I will. :) :)

I set myself aside for my ex and her family. I have to find someone that agrees that our marriage is our own and our life in our small family unit whether that includes children or not, is ours. No one can interfere with that.

Next, our church and our marriage is first and foremost. Our family is vital. No sacrifices there either.

I was so supportive of her in achieving positive results on the health front. Specifically, weight. Years of hard work on both our parts only to have her ultimately decide she wanted to take the new car out for a spin. Not again. I just can't do it. That's the basis for some of my comments in my profile.

I will not sweat the small stuff. Life is too short and I intend to make the most of what I have left.

I have re-learned my faith, I pray every day, I talk with God every day. It's pretty neat and I want to share that with someone.
I personally don't know one woman that doesn't harp on trying to lose weight and work at it (some men too)...I certainly hope you aren't blaming her losing weight on her lack of faithfulness because couples should be supportive of each other and unfaithfulness has more to do with a lack of values then anything else. I mean if I were having trouble in a marriage that couldn't be resolved (say abuse), I'd get divorced before I'd be unfaithful....one would be my sin the other his, for instance. However, that is because I have my Catholic values. I just don't think it would be good for us to be resentful about the support we gave our spouses because what if we kept support from someone else we loved in the futre as a result of this.


I'm not sure what I would do differently. If I try to please God first and foremost, hopefully all else will fall into place.
May 27th 2013 new
(quote) Monica-742707 said: I know all of us widows and widowers had great marriages, it's a big part of the reason I'm on here looking for another spouse and I'm sure it's one of your reasons as well. But what are those things you wish you might have had in your previous marriage that you would seek/or do differently this time?

Here's mine:
1) This time I want someone Catholic! My husband was agnostic but had an (almost) deathbed conversion. Talk about cutting it close. This time I want someone who will challenge me and help me grow in my faith.

2) I realize all those times I could have sacrificed a little more of myself to increase his happiness or let him know through action just how deeply loved and appreciated he was. The next time, I vow to do better!

What are yours?
Ditto, exactly.
May 28th 2013 new
I have always hated confrontation and I spent way too much of my 33-year marriage walking on eggshells so as not to upset my wonderful husband. I will not do that again.
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