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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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May 11th 2013 new

(Quote) Pauline-931463 said: HI I am starting this new forum after the number of responses to Albert's post, "Send ...
(Quote) Pauline-931463 said:

HI I am starting this new forum after the number of responses to Albert's post, "Send many messages - fail to receive any response"

How many of us here on this Catholic site will not give a second thought to a profile that agrees to premarital sex.


For me it is a deal breaker:

1. I am on this site to meet a man who will help me get closer to my God - my first criteria is a man seeking to love God with all his heart.

2. Premarital sex is fornication <FULLSTOP> It is a mortal sin and separates me from the love and grace of my God

3. True love would wait. That teaches patience and perseverance -qualities that build a good relationship


God bless

--hide--

I completely agree with your concerns about dating someone who is open to premarital sex. First, because of the risk the person will not be supporting you 100% in maintaining your chastity when the going gets rough (regardless of what they say initially -- not necessarily because they are being dishonest, but rather because they won't have the same commitment down the road).

The second reason is because they are not 100% committed to following the teachings of the Church. If they are willing to put aside the Church's teaching in this area because it is not convenient, what else might they decide they don't need to follow at some point?)

That being said, I think it is very important (for reasons I explained in Albert's topic) to make the distinction between the profile responses and what the person believes: you may recall the saying about the danger when you ass-u-me.

One thing I forgot to mention in the other topic is that there are many people with 7/7 faith responses in their profile who are less than honest in answering the questions. For this reason, it is important to discuss show stoppers such as this with every person you are interested in before the relationship gets too serious. If you are going to have the discussion with those who are 7/7, what harm is there is doing the same with those who are not? Yes, it may be a bit awkward; however, the more practice you get the easier it will become. And you may end up being pleasantly surprised.

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May 11th 2013 new

(Quote) Jacques-961161 said: I think this rule applies better to young boys and girls who have lived a chaste life all the w...
(Quote) Jacques-961161 said:

I think this rule applies better to young boys and girls who have lived a chaste life all the way up to marriage, are virgin and are going to get married. Then the "no sex before marriage" has a symbolic significance: when they marry each other, that night, the contract is actually written in the blood of the hymen, and as it is common throughout the bible, there is no contract, no covenant without blood being spilled. In the past, I believe the father of the girl used to keep the bed sheets on which the marriage was consumed (with the blood and all) as a proof that her daughter was a virgin.
In my case, I was already married and I am no longer a virgin. I have a hard time seeing how that no-premarital sex would apply to me, unless the girl I would be in the process of marrying is a virgin.
So I will not lie to myself. I don't know how the priests do it, but I like sex, and if I have the opportunity, at my age, I will have sex before marriage.

--hide--

It applies to you because sex outside of marriage is a mortal sin -- you are placing your soul and that of the person you supposedly love at risk of losing eternal salvation. Is that something you do to someone you love?

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May 11th 2013 new

Two becoming one. The bride of Christ is His Church. Thou shalt not commit adultery (fornication).
Having sex outside of marriage is a betrayal to Truth. God grants graces through the marital union, and illicit sexual activity is like trying to steal them from God. Sex should be limited to engage in with one's spouse, an exclusive relationship. Anything else cheapens both the relationship, marriage in general, and the people involved. This is part of the deeper, and the higher, meaning of marriage and sex. Why settle for inferiority?

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May 11th 2013 new

(Quote) Pauline-931463 said: HI I am starting this new forum after the number of responses to Albert's post, "Send many mes...
(Quote) Pauline-931463 said:

HI I am starting this new forum after the number of responses to Albert's post, "Send many messages - fail to receive any response"

How many of us here on this Catholic site will not give a second thought to a profile that agrees to premarital sex.


For me it is a deal breaker:

1. I am on this site to meet a man who will help me get closer to my God - my first criteria is a man seeking to love God with all his heart.

2. Premarital sex is fornication <FULLSTOP> It is a mortal sin and separates me from the love and grace of my God

3. True love would wait. That teaches patience and perseverance -qualities that build a good relationship


God bless

--hide--

AMEN Pauline!! It is an absolute dealbreaker for me. I am trying so hard to save myself for my spouse and live my Catholic Faith, so I want a man who wants the same thing. If he's not a 7/7, then I won't even consider a relationship.

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May 11th 2013 new

It's not a dealbreaker for me because...no matter what he thinks, I think "NO" and that's the end of the discussion.

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May 11th 2013 new

Maybe I'm just a self-righteous jerk, but yeah, I wouldn't consider it. If they're off on basic principles, then what's the point? This isn't Yahoo Singles or whatever's out there. I wouldn't have any faith that they wouldn't eventually get bored with me and run off with some other guy. Not that I'm a great catch or anything...

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May 11th 2013 new

Several of the men I have spoken to on here have said they are 7/7 but their words betray that they are not. I have been offered weekends spent together in Vegas, Cancun, Maine, Virginia, etc in a hotel with the 'reminder' that "what happens in Vegas/Cancun, etc, stays in Vegas, etc" so as to try to convince me to go along with their "weekend of getting to know each other deeply". I guess I look easy or something. Yes, I like sex. Yes, I get tempted sometimes. No, I am not going to give in to pressure from a man who obviously doesn't value me enough to treat intimacy with me as a great and holy gift to only enjoy (often and enthusiastically) in marriage.

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May 11th 2013 new
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May 11th 2013 new

Can I add some nuance here? I wonder if the question matters more to women to men. I won't have sex until I am married, but 5/7 is not a deal breaker for me (at least on CM.) The fact that a woman is ok with premarital sex doesn't mean to me we would have sex or even taht she wants to, and as a guy i would not feel threatend by a woman who wanted to have sex before marriage (it would annoy me.) However, I could imagine that women could feel threatend by a man who felt ok with that, and also worry that a 7/7 was lying. Thoughts & Coments?

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May 11th 2013 new
Basically, I move on if I see question five answered incorrectly. It does, in fact, deal with mortal sin. Dating a woman who might well start tempting me to mortal sin isn't smart. I don't need help being a sinner-- I need help becoming a saint.

This isn't judgmental; it's prudential. I will be happy to discuss it with anyone, but I would not want to go further than that until I had some sort of indication that my argument had been accepted and the woman's position became in conformance with that of our faith.
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