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Devoted to discussion pertaining to those issues which are specifically relevant to people 45+. Topics must have a specific perspective of people in this age group for it to be on topic.

The story of Abraham and Sarah is told in chapters 11-25 of the book of Genesis.
Learn More:Abraham & Sarah

May 16 new

I consider coffee a "date".

I think most CM women do.

May 16 new

(Quote) John-971967 said: Sharing one's whole life with another: how is that possible when he'll likely be gone before s...
(Quote) John-971967 said: Sharing one's whole life with another: how is that possible when he'll likely be gone before she's 50,
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Don't try to predict the future.

My parents married when Dad was 44 and Mom was 24. They were married 42 years, Dad dying at age 86.

My husband was 35 when we married...and dead at 52.

Grab your chances when you can, and the heck with what "society" thinks!

May 16 new

(Quote) Tricia-321356 said: Hi Melissa, You seem a lovly young lady. Please be prepared..........many men would be uncomfort...
(Quote) Tricia-321356 said:

Hi Melissa, You seem a lovly young lady. Please be prepared..........many men would be uncomfortable dating their daughter, just as many young women dont want to date their dad or their dad's friends.

I was raised ( and many men a decadew older than me), that this was called "dirty old man syndrome'. You'll see this attitude displayed in old Doris Day or Bob Hope movies.......it was chuckled about because a 20-35 year age gap was known culturally to be inapporpriate.

And this gentleman is 30 to 35 years older than you. Men in this age bracket were generally raised that it would be GROSSLY inappropriate. If this man is a true gentleman, it is highly likely he would view you this way.

My own father, (30 years older than me); if someone that much younger would have approached him, would have laughed and been flattered, kind, polite, patted you on the head, and told such a lovely young lady that it would not be appropriate; He would also tell this story for the next 20 years of how a lovely 30 year old approached him for a 'date' with a great big smile.....you would surely make his decade!

My father would have also wanted the best for such a nice young gal, and he would absolutly know that the best thing for her would not be an old man, even a healthy, nice old man.

A real gentleman would put the best interest of the lady ahead of his own selfish interests, flattery of the attentions (of his daughter's age) friend. etc....Food for thought.

I know in this day and age, it seems nobody thinks there are any boundaries anymore, and that there are exceptions to everything ( read about Charlie Chaplin!)

But why not someone a little closer in age to you? even 10 - 12 years older instead of 30 to 35 years older? Just curious what would draw you in such a huge age gap.

Best Wishes and prayers for you to find God's match and will for you.

So again, he may have those gentlemanly qualities and be uncomfortable.'

But out of curiosity; why go so old? I am just shy of 50 and some mean over 60*62 reach out to me.(12 to 13 years older).........do you think those same men would want date my mom? She is 13 years older than them at 76!

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Thank you for your sweet words. Heck, maybe I should just ask him out to boost his confidence and make his day or decade, as you say. Of course, my confidence may suffer, but oh well!

To answer your question, I guess I would just pose another question. Why is anyone attracted to anyone? Honestly, historically, +5 years has always been my ceiling. Even now, on CM, I find myself looking primarilyat 35 and younger, MAYBE 37 or 38 if they look young. I don't have Daddy issues or anything like that. I didn't grow up with some sort of emotional deficiency that is now manifesting itself as a desire for older dudes. It's not like all of the sudden I have an older man fetish, and I sat there in church going, "I have a thing for old men now, who is the hottest older guy here? Hmmmm"

It's him. My eyes naturally drift to him. My cheeks feel warm when I see him come into the church. Butterflies flutter in my stomach when I am near him and it is time for the Sign of Peace. It's just...him, and he just happens to be significantly older.

So anyway, the answer to your question why go so old? Because his age is his age. If he were 35, I'd be attracted to him; if he were 25, I'd be attracted to him. If he were 65, I'd be attracted to him. I don't really know his age, honestly. I would say he could be as young as 50, which I know is still quite a leap, but my guess is he is closer to 60ish. He has amazing smooth, tight skin. My dad is 60, and he has age lines and wrinkles and all of that. This guy's skin looks like it could be on a 30 year old, it's that nice. Now, I am babbling.


I hope this answers your questions, and thanks for your message again.

May 16 new
(quote) Melissa-537851 said:  Hmmmm" It's him. My eyes naturally drift to him. My cheeks feel warm when I see him come into the church. Butterflies flutter in my stomach when I am near him and it is time for the Sign of Peace. It's just...him, and he just happens to be significantly older. So anyway, the answer to your question why go so old? Because his age is his age. If he were 35, I'd be attracted to him ...

Pretty decent description of attraction, but some would rather Name Tags at a Meet-&-Greet would say - Hello My Name is ... and my age is ...
May 16 new
(quote) Marge-938695 said: Don't try to predict the future.

My parents married when Dad was 44 and Mom was 24. They were married 42 years, Dad dying at age 86.

My husband was 35 when we married...and dead at 52.

Grab your chances when you can, and the heck with what "society" thinks!
Marge - point of caution well made. But I am not predicting the future, that is why I said "statistically speaking", I am simply assuming the typical, what generally does happen. Am I not?

This age disparity is not typical by any stretch.

May 17 new
Yes.. Many women do consider any kind of meeting 'a date'..
May 17 new
Melissa,

Why not ask him after mass if he'd like to join you for lunch. That you hate eating alone or something. Can't hurt.
May 17 new
(quote) Lauren-927923 said: Melissa,

Why not ask him after mass if he'd like to join you for lunch. That you hate eating alone or something. Can't hurt.
Welllllll......if I ask him and he says no or gives me a look like, "Who tooted?" then my pride could be hurt.

Plus, I really enjoy this church, and I wouldn't want things to be weird. As someone said in another thread, in small churches things spread like wildfire. Then, all of the sudden, I am the deluded girl that asked out a much much older man, and everyone knows about it.

May 17 new
Could you gather a group to go to lunch and invite him to join the group?? Then it is not so one on one??
May 17 new
(quote) Melissa-537851 said: Okay, I know I am not over 45, but the advice I am seeking would be very helpful from the Over 45 crowd.
There is this guy that I have had my eye on for a while. He goes to my church, and I only ever see him at church, so once a week, mostly. A couple of things: the man is fairly significantly older than me, like somewhere between 55-65 I'd guess. Now, I myself don't care about the age thing. I find him incredibly attractive.

He seems pretty shy. He doesn't really talk to people and looks at the ground when he walks (which I do too, so I can relate) Also, our church isn't really conducive to socializing. People show up, go in quietly, sit down, have the service, then they leave quietly, maybe speak to the priest, then go to their cars.

I do smile at him and try to make eye contact, sometimes successfully sometimes not. I'd like to talk to him, but don't know how to make it happen, without it seeming really forced. I don't even know his name, but even if I found out, what good would that do? It's not like I could stalk the guy.

I typically subscribe to the philosophy that if a guy is interested, he'll do something about it. But, with our age difference, I don't know whether to adhere to that or not. I feel like I have to be the one to make my interest clear.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Melissa I am not trying to be mean but from your posts you seem a little fixated on this man in what appears to be an unhealthy way. This is the second thread that I have seen asking this question and in the other one it appeared that there was a similar attraction to a married significantly older man with children. Have you ever considered talking to your pastor about these situations? I am raising this up as although I am really not in a position to have an accurate conclusion because I do not know you or the situation personally. I can only draw a conclusion from your posts on the other thread and they just seem to convey that this fixation may be bordering on the unhealthy side.

A holy relationship needs to be balanced and if it starts of with obsessive or excessive focus or attachment to the other person it runs the risk of remaining unbalanced. Marriage is a path to God and is not the goal. So therefore the spouse is not the focus but God. It is one of the many reasons why women ought to let the guy pursue. It teaches us to not allow the man to become the only source of our happiness and or to allow us to become too focused on him.

If we have a tendency to fantasize too much on a particular man or a particular group of men it may be a good time to step back and try to figure what is causing that persistent focus. If we do not work on being whole ourselves and also on being happy with being alone then we run the risk of an unhealthy focus on our spouse and or looking to our spouse to fill our every need for love. NO human can do that and we will crush our spouses with our expectations and that will more than likely end in unhappiness for both parties.

It just appears from the posts that you may need to speak to someone and again I am only basing this on your posts. Work on being comfortable with you and on having God's love alone. A hard thing to do but so essential in forging a healthy and lasting connection.
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