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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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What About Women & Mr. Calm?

May 18th 2013 new
If women were asked to name qualities that make a man attractive, terms such as confidence, strength and sense of humor would be among the expected answers. One characteristic which, although considered to be positive by most people, would almost never be mentioned is calmness, maybe because it has no energy, zip, sparkle or star power. Even though the extreme absence of calmness in the form of severe nervousness or paralyzing fear would be clear deal-breakers for most women, still the mere presence of calmness would probably have little or no romantic impact on most women. Calmness might be described as just a mild-mannered, but still worthwhile trait.

Has calmness in a man ever been an element of attraction for you?

Hoping to walk with you calm in palm if we grow frond of each other, wink wave eyebrow

John


May 18th 2013 new
I dated a super chill guy once...and it was terrible. Our personalities clashed on so many levels...mostly because I was tolerant of his quietness, but he never attempted to embrace my craziness. I would totally date a quieter guy again...he just has to be willing to hang out with my friends and leave his laptop behind sometimes.

Calmness though is different I guess than quiet though. Calmness IS attractive when it's an even-keel, great with decision making type thoughtfulness. Same guy mentioned above was quiet, but not calm. Decisions and adversity just threw him into a panic...that is not attractive.
May 18th 2013 new
Yes. I think calm is very attractive. I see it, potentially, as an indicator of strength, depth, self-control and confidence in self (i.e. not trying to impress anyone but comfortable in his own skin.)
May 18th 2013 new
Yes, some are calm but laugh easily, communicate well etc. They don't come into a room and take center stage, are not loud or extremely reactive. No, I wouldn't want a zombie or an iceberg either and, as one friend put it--strong but no Neanderthal's. smile
May 18th 2013 new
Wow! I was just thinking about this quality in the man I am seeing. His temperament is choleric/sanguine & I kind of expected him to present a slightly different demeanor--maybe kind of excitable. But he has shown a very calm way of being. When I gave him wrong directions one time & took him way out of his way, he just kind of sloughed it off & didn't show even annoyance much less anger.

I am melancholic/phlegmatic so I am normally low-key as well as being an introvert. Having someone who is always wanting to be active or who is reacting excitably to situations would put my nerves on edge.

So, my response is: yes! I do appreciate someone who presents a calm demeanor. You get a Gold Star!
May 18th 2013 new
I think Meg stated it well. rose
May 18th 2013 new
Yes, Carol, not all all choleric sanguine combinations bounce off the walls. biggrin hug

May 18th 2013 new
(quote) Stephanie-811058 said: I dated a super chill guy once...and it was terrible. Our personalities clashed on so many levels...mostly because I was tolerant of his quietness, but he never attempted to embrace my craziness. I would totally date a quieter guy again...he just has to be willing to hang out with my friends and leave his laptop behind sometimes.

Calmness though is different I guess than quiet though. Calmness IS attractive when it's an even-keel, great with decision making type thoughtfulness. Same guy mentioned above was quiet, but not calm. Decisions and adversity just threw him into a panic...that is not attractive.
Thanks for your take on whether calmness can be an element of attraction in dating. Your story was interesting.

I did a bit of research within Catholic Match to find out whether calmness had ever been the subject matter of a topic. My searching was not exhaustive, but I could find no such item from the past, It's about time that calmness step, quietly of course, out of the shadows. cool shhh
May 18th 2013 new
(quote) Meg-920823 said: Yes. I think calm is very attractive. I see it, potentially, as an indicator of strength, depth, self-control and confidence in self (i.e. not trying to impress anyone but comfortable in his own skin.)
Hi Meg,

Thanks for casting a vote in favor of calmness. I suppose that calmness is almost always a part of confidence even though the word "confidence" is included in women's desired-qualities lists much more frequently than is the word, "calmness".

After writing this topic, I did some searching of past posts and discovered that calmness has actually been mentioned in the past, even if very infrequently. One woman wrote that she wanted an overall calm nature.

I think that calmness finally deserved a topic of its own. smile

John

May 18th 2013 new
Mr. Calm may not be glamorous, but he's miles better than Mr. Angry, and there's a lot of those out there. I'd figure it'd be a plus on the whole. I ain't gonna hold your hand though. ;)
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