(quote) Marge-938695 said: This is a deep and complex question.
Some random thoughts:
1. How do you know when you have enough evidence to decide if a person is right for you? Someone who seems "not religious enough" may, on closer inspection, turn out to be more religious than you are comfortable with!
2. No one stays the same forever.
3. You can -- and should -- teach each other, esp. about morality.
4. An ideal is only that -- something to shoot for but probably never achieve.
5. People who respect each other, respect each other's values. Where it's chastity, pro-life issues, whatever, a person who cannot honor your preferences is not a good match -- regardless of whether she/he shares them.
(I married a 5/7 former Presbyterian liberal Democrat...who by the second year of our marriage was a 7/7 conservative Catholic Republican!)
In my experience, what is in the heart is what counts. Many folks who are Bible-thumping, 7/7 Christians have no kindness or generosity in their hearts.
Marge some good thoughts there.
I look at the last woman I was really interested in, she has never had sex, but is not interested in necessarily keeping it that way if she feels she's in love and wanted to be more physical than I was willing to be before marriage. She also would use contraception in order to prevent pregnancy while on other medication that could cause defects rather than abstaining. She also doesn't attend mass regularly. Otherwise she is a very good and loving person always seeking to do what is right. These are things that would bother me and I've made important characteristics of my future wife. Yes she may change over time, but is it appropriate to go into a relationship knowing that up front. And unfortunately in the Information Age and online dating, we can get this information up front.
Yes as Catholics we should be trying to spread proper morality, but at what point is it doing it for them and what point is it doing it to change them to match what you want? And since people will change, does it make it more or less wrong to want them to change?
As far as the respecting the other's views, I guess that's where the key would lie if they don't match exactly. I look at my parents. Dad was a Pro-life Catholic and mom is a Pro-choice Protestant, but her view was she would never get an abortion for any reason because she valued her marriage. The made it work until the day my dad died. I'm still not sure if my mom's view would be a good enough view to come from my future bride, but it definitely is the bare minimum.
And this is a little off topic but as far as loving Catholics, how awesome has Pope Francis been? I'm surprise how many people are still pissed at him for the things he says and does. This guy seems to live the gospel as perfectly as humanly possible.