Faith Focused Dating. Create your Free Profile and meet your Match! Sign Up for Free

info: Please Sign Up or Sign In to continue.

info: Please Sign Up or Sign In to continue.

info: Please Sign Up or Sign In to continue.

info: Please Sign Up or Sign In to continue.

info: Please Sign Up or Sign In to continue.

info: Please Sign Up or Sign In to continue.

info: Please Sign Up or Sign In to continue.

info: Please Sign Up or Sign In to continue.

info: Please Sign Up or Sign In to continue.

error: Post not found!

A place to learn, mingle, and share

Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

May 25th 2013 new
(quote) Daniel-726519 said: I was discussing finding a relationship with a less religious friend, and I starting talking about how looking for someone with a strong faith really cuts down the dating pool. It was then suggested that I may be too picky and be looking to fulfill a checklist more than find a soulmate. While I don't agree with the assessment, it still got be thinking.

It feels wrong to go into a relationship if you know the morals don't match at least mostly, but at what point is it not accepting someone for who they are because they don't meet your ideal? What point is it hoping they'll change or compromising your beliefs? What do you let go and what do you hold as a requirement? At what point is it being too picky or and at what point is it settling?

Examples that come to mind are one person being committed to chastity and the other desiring to be more sexually close (though maybe not actually having sex), one being pro-life and the other being pro-choice, or one being practicing in their faith and the other not or being if a different faith.

So there are a lot of thoughts here so start where you like. Im still trying to make sense of it all.

Daniel, First of all, I don't believe in soulmates. That concept has been foisted on people within the last 25 years and it being marketed by the dominant culture. If your soulmate changes, does that mean you are no longer soulmates? Think abt that, because people do change over time. I think the concept of soulmates makes it easier to walk away from a committed relationship.

My personal experience has taught me to watch a person's actions, to watch and see if they adjust their behavior to yours in a complementary manner. Is she capable of growth over time? A person can say she is Catholic, but what do her actions show?
May 25th 2013 new
(quote) Meg-920823 said: For me, a commitment to the Faith is imperative. I am not saying there wouldn't be weaknesses but we support and encourage each other in following the Truth. If this is too picky -which I do not believe it is- then so be it. 'Know thyself' and if this is who we are, then we can't sacrifice or set that aside for a relationship.

Yes. Something in Daniel's post made me hear that some people were making being married the ultimate goal in life, and that what gets a person there doesn't always matter. I think that, as Catholics, our ultimate goal is to have a strong, loving relationship with our Creator, to subjugate our wills to His, to spend eternity with Him in heaven, and to help others achieve the same ultimate goal. If we find a human partner for this ultimate goal (if that is God's Will for us), then our "pickiness" is justified and really just a natural result in attaining this goal.

Being imperfect human beings, of course the pickiness can be disordered in some people--meaning that the pickiness disguises fear of commitment or a judgmental nature or some other quality that is actually a fault. Living within the fault, we often can't recognize that it is a fault. That's what friends are for--to be mirrors to our souls sometimes, to point out things they see that we might not. But they're imperfect beings too, so their interpretation of what they see may not be accurate, and it still falls in our laps to discern the truth.

It's an ebb and flow, a trial and error procedure, for figuring out who we are and what we need and what, specifically, God wants of each of us. Each of us has an individual path to God. It can be damaging to compare our paths to others' paths, as we can be distracted from His Way for us. Many paths going in the same Direction. theheart
May 25th 2013 new
(quote) Lina-796057 said: Yes. Something in Daniel's post made me hear that some people were making being married the ultimate goal in life, and that what gets a person there doesn't always matter. I think that, as Catholics, our ultimate goal is to have a strong, loving relationship with our Creator, to subjugate our wills to His, to spend eternity with Him in heaven, and to help others achieve the same ultimate goal. If we find a human partner for this ultimate goal (if that is God's Will for us), then our "pickiness" is justified and really just a natural result in attaining this goal.

Being imperfect human beings, of course the pickiness can be disordered in some people--meaning that the pickiness disguises fear of commitment or a judgmental nature or some other quality that is actually a fault. Living within the fault, we often can't recognize that it is a fault. That's what friends are for--to be mirrors to our souls sometimes, to point out things they see that we might not. But they're imperfect beings too, so their interpretation of what they see may not be accurate, and it still falls in our laps to discern the truth.

It's an ebb and flow, a trial and error procedure, for figuring out who we are and what we need and what, specifically, God wants of each of us. Each of us has an individual path to God. It can be damaging to compare our paths to others' paths, as we can be distracted from His Way for us. Many paths going in the same Direction.
Lina, you stated all that so well!
May 25th 2013 new
(quote) Margo-404841 said: Daniel, First of all, I don't believe in soulmates. That concept has been foisted on people within the last 25 years and it being marketed by the dominant culture. If your soulmate changes, does that mean you are no longer soulmates? Think abt that, because people do change over time. I think the concept of soulmates makes it easier to walk away from a committed relationship.

My personal experience has taught me to watch a person's actions, to watch and see if they adjust their behavior to yours in a complementary manner. Is she capable of growth over time? A person can say she is Catholic, but what do her actions show?
Hi, Margo. I agree that actions speak louder than words--most definitely.

i think 'soulmate' would make it harder to leave. Yes people and their souls change-either for the better or the worse. What's that quote? In the spiritual life we are either rising or sinking but never standing still.

To me, a spouse should be a soulmate and is completely open, vulnerable and intimate as explained in Mathew Kelly's book on The Seven Levels of Intimacy. The word soulmate implies that core connection. If love of the Faith, its truths and resulting actions are my core, then a soulmate would have those beliefs and actions as well. That marriage will have the best chance of surviving because we both have the belief in making it work, not due to the ebb and flow of feelings but rather due to our core identities--committed to God's truth and goodness. I honestly can't grasp how a marriage could ever be truly intimate and permanent without God in the middle. We are human after all.

I am so very glad there is a God. I feel sorry for atheists. What a floundering, purposeless life without God.

May 25th 2013 new
(quote) Marge-938695 said: This is a deep and complex question.

Some random thoughts:
1. How do you know when you have enough evidence to decide if a person is right for you? Someone who seems "not religious enough" may, on closer inspection, turn out to be more religious than you are comfortable with!
2. No one stays the same forever.
3. You can -- and should -- teach each other, esp. about morality.
4. An ideal is only that -- something to shoot for but probably never achieve.
5. People who respect each other, respect each other's values. Where it's chastity, pro-life issues, whatever, a person who cannot honor your preferences is not a good match -- regardless of whether she/he shares them.

(I married a 5/7 former Presbyterian liberal Democrat...who by the second year of our marriage was a 7/7 conservative Catholic Republican!)

In my experience, what is in the heart is what counts. Many folks who are Bible-thumping, 7/7 Christians have no kindness or generosity in their hearts.
Marge some good thoughts there.

I look at the last woman I was really interested in, she has never had sex, but is not interested in necessarily keeping it that way if she feels she's in love and wanted to be more physical than I was willing to be before marriage. She also would use contraception in order to prevent pregnancy while on other medication that could cause defects rather than abstaining. She also doesn't attend mass regularly. Otherwise she is a very good and loving person always seeking to do what is right. These are things that would bother me and I've made important characteristics of my future wife. Yes she may change over time, but is it appropriate to go into a relationship knowing that up front. And unfortunately in the Information Age and online dating, we can get this information up front.

Yes as Catholics we should be trying to spread proper morality, but at what point is it doing it for them and what point is it doing it to change them to match what you want? And since people will change, does it make it more or less wrong to want them to change?

As far as the respecting the other's views, I guess that's where the key would lie if they don't match exactly. I look at my parents. Dad was a Pro-life Catholic and mom is a Pro-choice Protestant, but her view was she would never get an abortion for any reason because she valued her marriage. The made it work until the day my dad died. I'm still not sure if my mom's view would be a good enough view to come from my future bride, but it definitely is the bare minimum.

And this is a little off topic but as far as loving Catholics, how awesome has Pope Francis been? I'm surprise how many people are still pissed at him for the things he says and does. This guy seems to live the gospel as perfectly as humanly possible.

May 25th 2013 new
(quote) Daniel-726519 said: Otherwise she is a very good and loving person always seeking to do what is right. ......
Yes as Catholics we should be trying to spread proper morality, but at what point is it doing it for them and what point is it doing it to change them to match what you want? And since people will change, does it make it more or less wrong to want them to change?
I'm not sure I see a problem with doing it for them and doing it for us. We're not talking about demands or coercion, but about education.

When you love someone, you desire what is good for her. Sometimes what's good for her is good for you, sometimes it isn't.

If you could teach morality to this lady knowing that she would live it with someone else, wouldn't you do it anyway?
May 25th 2013 new
Daniel, the three areas you stated about the lady you are interested in are very clearly "sins" in the eyes of ANY Christian religion. Why would you want to subject yourself to her life of sin? Why would you want to risk your eternal salvation just to "be" with her? Satan is alive and well in our world today and he will tempt you again and again.
The road to heaven is very narrow and there are no "gray" areas getting there. Once you start on that slippery slope you will be rapidly sliding to your eternal damnation.
At this point you would be better off with a non-Catholic, practicing Christian lady, like your mother, than a non-practicing Catholic lady.
May 25th 2013 new
Daniel I understand Marge's point, however "teaching" her morality must be done OUTSIDE of the "dating" realm or she will resent you later. She will accuse you of trying to "change" her way of thinking to match yours (indoctrination/brainwashing). She has to truly believe that her way of thinking is not only contrary to the Catholic church teachings but ALL Christian teachings.
May 25th 2013 new
BTW, Pope Francis rocks!!
May 25th 2013 new
(quote) Marge-938695 said: I'm not sure I see a problem with doing it for them and doing it for us. We're not talking about demands or coercion, but about education.

When you love someone, you desire what is good for her. Sometimes what's good for her is good for you, sometimes it isn't.

If you could teach morality to this lady knowing that she would live it with someone else, wouldn't you do it anyway?
I want it to be who they are , well before I meet them. I want to know their convictions are genuinely their decision and not for me or anyone else. I d I
Posts 11 - 20 of 151